VIII - The insanity never stops.

[DukeAllen]

I'm worried that Sweets is up to something behind Friz's back...

[SQUIRMIN VERMIN 84]

uhhhhhhhhh.........

[DukeAllen]

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful ... CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!
You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK!
Careful ... CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY?
Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What the hell is wrong with you?
"You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving with you in the Corvette."

[SQUIRMIN VERMIN 84]

Tools Explained

DRILL PRESS


A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.









WIRE WHEEL



Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh --'





SKIL SAW



A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.









PLIERS



Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.









BELT SANDER



An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.









HACKSAW



One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.









VISE-GRIPS



Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.









OXYACETYLENE TORCH



Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your workshop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.









TABLE SAW



A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.









HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK



Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper. Often a handy tool for testing strength of floor pans or metallic brake/fuel lines.









BAND SAW



A large stationary power saw primarily used by most workshops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the rubbish bin after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.









TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST



A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.









PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER



Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.









STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER



A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms. After penetrating palm, it's usually sent on an airborne path only to contact glass or an object just freshly painted or waxed or even, on occasion, a laughing observer.









PRY BAR



A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.









HOSE CUTTER



A tool used to make hoses too short.










HAMMER



Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent to the object we are trying to hit.









UTILITY KNIFE


Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while they're being worn.

[PLRX]

[PLRX]

[PLRX]

For the record, North Dakota is south of Canada. Would this means that ND is "warmer" than Canada?

http://s275.beta.photobucket.com/use...1c9c0.mp4.html

[C4fan]

I'm not sure Pete but I think that once you get into Canada even the wind is frozen.

[DukeAllen]

Originally Posted by C4fan

I'm not sure Pete but I think that once you get into Canada even the wind is frozen.

I was in Canada once, 10 years ago, and I'm STILL cold.

[C4fan]

Originally Posted by DukeAllen

I was in Canada once, 10 years ago, and I'm STILL cold.

Yeah, I'm beginning to think ole Sweets doesn't really own a place in Mexico. It's just that special place he goes to in his mind when it gets too cold to move.

[DukeAllen]

Originally Posted by C4fan

Yeah, I'm beginning to think ole Sweets doesn't really own a place in Mexico. It's just that special place he goes to in his mind when it gets too cold to move.

[Frizlefrak]

Texas has decided to follow NY's lead, and give out a map where every gun owner lives. See below

[WW7]

Originally Posted by Frizlefrak

Texas has decided to follow NY's lead, and give out a map where every gun owner lives. See below

Ain't it the truth.......WW

[PLRX]

[SQUIRMIN VERMIN 84]

[DukeAllen]

Originally Posted by SQUIRMIN VERMIN 84

Best part is they froze in that position.

[SQUIRMIN VERMIN 84]

Yes, I see that now...

[C4fan]

That was one of Bruce Lees favorite moves, the 'razor shoes of death' kick.

[Vette Daddy]

http://forums.corvetteforum.com/c4-g...k-your-c4.html

POLL

Do you lock your C4?

Geezzzz..it just gets dumber and dumber.................no wonder the C5 and C6 owners think we're low budget!

[DukeAllen]

Originally Posted by Vette Daddy

[url]no wonder the C5 and C6 owners think we're low budget!

We are