My Dad - 1939-2022

[DAB]

Originally Posted by aerovette

I bought a large digital frame on Amazon and I have about 250 pictures in constant rotation next to his urn. It runs 24/7 and if I want to see him, I stop and watch the pictures for a while. I'm unsure if it helps or hurts, but I feel 'called" to do it regardless.

If it works for you, then it’s right.

[vettemed]

Terribly sorry for the pain you're going through. Have you considered maybe seeing a therapist to help work through some of the difficult grieving you're going through? That might be beneficial.

[DAB]

in the last 3-5 weeks i've read thru about a dozen books on grief, grieving, and being a widower, and frankly, they are all dreck except one.

the one book that i did find useful is "It's Ok that you're not OK" by Megan Devine. easily found on Amazon for about $19.

to save you reading it, she basically shows that grief is not some disease or sickness or malady that needs to be cured or fixed. you grieve because you have lost someone you love, and you cannot change that. but you can show and tell others how you would like to be treated and cared for. sometimes, it's just listening to you. sometimes it's doing something for you. but it is not trying to fix your loss, or tell you that you'll 'get better with time'.

worth a read.

[Aerovette]

Originally Posted by DAB

in the last 3-5 weeks i've read thru about a dozen books on grief, grieving, and being a widower, and frankly, they are all dreck except one.

the one book that i did find useful is "It's Ok that you're not OK" by Megan Devine. easily found on Amazon for about $19.

to save you reading it, she basically shows that grief is not some disease or sickness or malady that needs to be cured or fixed. you grieve because you have lost someone you love, and you cannot change that. but you can show and tell others how you would like to be treated and cared for. sometimes, it's just listening to you. sometimes it's doing something for you. but it is not trying to fix your loss, or tell you that you'll 'get better with time'.

worth a read.

I ordered the Audible version on Amazon. I'll listen to it during my commute. If it seems like it will help, I'll pass it to my mom. She is seeing a therapist and seems content with how it is going. It is not reducing her grief, but it seems to be helping her keep it in check and evaluated.

[Olustee bus]

Originally Posted by aerovette

I have been away from the Barn under the worst of circumstances. I lost my Father in the early hours of last Monday morning. After 62 years of marriage, to say my mom is devastated, is an understatement.

Everyone has unique family relationships and everyone believes it is genuinely so. Just as I do. The uniqueness of my family is that I am an only child and because we moved a lot as a kid, we became the Three Musketeers. Traveling together, eating together, camping, movies, you name it... doing everything as a only a group of three.

Friendships and marriage pulled me off on my own path but for several of these past few years, my parents have lived with me and everything came full circle back to just the three of us. I'm very happy for that. It has been great being able to be with my parents and make sure they have a nice place to stay that is safe and comfortable.

Your story is special as your family was.

[Aerovette]

It might seem dumb to do so, but I bought a Christmas card for my mom at lunch and got one for my dad too. I've done it for so long that I'm just not ready to give it up yet. It may never see the light of day, but I had to do it anyway.

I miss you dad.

[Taurus]

It doesn't get easier very quickly, this is my third Christmas without dad and it still leaves an empty place in the holidays. This is my favorite picture of my dad and was taken during our last Christmas with him. He and mom retired in Phoenix and after years there I bought a house down the street from me here in Utah so I could be their care provider.

He never got used to the cold and always complained that his ears were cold so I got him another hat before the holidays. We went out on Christmas Eve to see some family and he said even with his hat on his ears were cold. I turned around and saw this, had to take a picture. Didn't have the heart to explain it to his so I just bought him a pair of ear muffs.

[Big bob]

Prayers sent

[Muffler Man]

Originally Posted by aerovette

It might seem dumb to do so, but I bought a Christmas card for my mom at lunch and got one for my dad too. I've done it for so long that I'm just not ready to give it up yet. It may never see the light of day, but I had to do it anyway.

I miss you dad.

My Mom Aug 10 1939-Feb 12 2022Same age as your Dad

[Aerovette]

One year and one hour ago, I said goodnight to my dad for the last time.
All of the 'firsts" will have passed with the anniversary of his passing at 3:30 AM. My mom has done her best to pretend to be ok, but she's not. I'm staying home tomorrow so she doesn't spend the anniversary of his death alone.

I don't know what happens after death, but my prayer is that they will be together again one day.

I miss you dad.

[cptlo306]

[Taurus]

Originally Posted by aerovette

One year and one hour ago, I said goodnight to my dad for the last time.
All of the 'firsts" will have passed with the anniversary of his passing at 3:30 AM. My mom has done her best to pretend to be ok, but she's not. I'm staying home tomorrow so she doesn't spend the anniversary of his death alone.

I don't know what happens after death, but my prayer is that they will be together again one day.

I miss you dad.

I completely understand how it feels. I remember when I filed dad’s final tax return after he passed. It kind of hit me that this will be the last thing JP has to do. After I send these off he has no more deadlines, no more obligations, nothing else will ever be expected of him. He doesn't owe anything to anyone and he owns nothing. His social security number will go dormant and to the rest of the world he will become a mere entry in the census. After a lifetime of deadlines and obligations, JP will be done.

Then it hit me that this is the last thing I'll ever have to do for he and mom. No more haircuts, doctor appointments, coffee runs, lawn mowing, strange noises in the night, trips to Mear's (he couldn't say Ream's, how weird is that), the list is endless. For all the challenges of the last couple of years, all the struggles and all the work, I'm done too.

This is really sad in many ways. Later JP.

[Bruze]

Originally Posted by aerovette

One year and one hour ago, I said goodnight to my dad for the last time.
All of the 'firsts" will have passed with the anniversary of his passing at 3:30 AM. My mom has done her best to pretend to be ok, but she's not. I'm staying home tomorrow so she doesn't spend the anniversary of his death alone.

I don't know what happens after death, but my prayer is that they will be together again one day.

I miss you dad.

My sister and I were at our dad's bedside when he drew his last breath on April 12, 2000. He was a month short of 87. Our mother died on March 2, 2002.

It gets easier as time goes on. When we all get together now (as we will this Sunday) we laugh and joke about our great childhood and fond memories of growing up with great parents.

[snide]