Sayings, Observations, Quips, and Insanity

[MadInNc]

Be decisive. Right or wrong, make a decision. The road is paved with flat squirrels who couldn’t make a decision.

When I get a headache I take two aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says.

Just once, I want the prompt for username and password to say, “Close enough.”

Becoming an adult is the dumbest thing I’ve ever done

If you see me talking to myself, just move along. I’m self-employed. We’re having a meeting.

“Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40-minute flute solo”.

Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags, or is it just me?

I hate it when I can’t figure out how to operate the iPad and my tech support guy is asleep. He’s 5 and it’s past his bedtime.

Today’s 3-year-olds can switch on laptops and open their favorite apps. When I was 3, I ate mud.

Tip for a successful marriage: Don’t ask your wife when dinner will be ready while she’s mowing the lawn.

So, you drive across town to a gym to walk on a treadmill?

I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.

I decided to stop calling the bathroom "John" and renamed it the "Jim". I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.

Old age is coming at a really bad time.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would've put them on my knees.

Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet.

Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?

Now, I'm wondering . . . did I send this to you, did you send it to me or have I only sent one copy?

The Commandments for Seniors…

You don't need anger management. You need people to stop irritating you.

Your people skills are just fine. It's your tolerance for idiots that needs work.

"On time" is when you get there.

Even duct tape can't fix stupid – but it sure does muffle the sound.

It would be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes, then come out wrinkle-free...and three sizes smaller.

Lately, you've noticed people your age are so much older than you.

"One for the road" means peeing before you leave the house.

“It does not take a majority to prevail…but rather an irate, tireless minority, keen on setting brushfires of freedom in the minds of men.” – Sam Adams
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what ya got to add?

[LilRedCorvette]

You can lead a person to knowledge, but you can’t make them think.

Sell crazy somewhere else. We’re all stocked up here.

Fast, cheap, reliable…pick two.

[Mike Mercury]

[LATB]

Just because a cat has kittens in the oven, that don’t make them biscuits.

[Steve_R]

Originally Posted by LATB

Just because a cat has kittens in the oven, that don’t make them biscuits.

.

[Tikiman]

Where did the expression "Right as rain" come from?

[StudleyJames]

As pure as the driven snow

[snide]

Originally Posted by MadInNc

Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags, or is it just me?

Just last week, I threw out a plastic bag full of plastic bags. Some asshole was throwing them all over the floor of the pantry, which annoyed the **** out of me, so I gathered them up, about 5 lbs worth, and threw them out.

[snide]

Originally Posted by LilRedCorvette

You can lead a person to knowledge, but you can’t make them think.

I use this one all the time.

[LATB]

Originally Posted by Tikiman

Where did the expression "Right as rain" come from?

or...
"right as a trivet"

[DJ_Critterus]

It's not a dick.... don't take it so hard.

[Frankie the Fink]

Originally Posted by Mike Mercury

Mmmmm.... Its called "willing suspension of disbelief", John Wick can't really kill 14 people in 8 seconds, besides Dawn Wells (Mary Ann of Gilligan's Island) will always have a warm spot in my heart.

[Yesfam]

Originally Posted by LilRedCorvette

You can lead a person to knowledge, but you can’t make them think.

I can explain it to you but I can't understand it for you.

[jw38]

Go **** a brick

Courtesy of Lars.

[ricks327]

That fella is a sandwich short of a picnic.

[Unsuspicious]

It's not a Disney water slide, don't get your panties in a bunch

[Onebadcad]

Common sense is not common

There are no such things as dumb questions, only dumbarses

It's okay, your father was probably an ahole too

Free beer is beter than cold beer

Does your husband play golf

I thought last time was your last time

[Kevin68]

Originally Posted by Frankie the Fink

Dawn Wells (Mary Ann of Gilligan's Island) will always have a warm spot in my heart.

And a tingle in your pecker?

[Bluescorvette]

You either like Bacon or you're Wrong.

[Rodnok1]

I use..

You either like bacon or you're a commie.