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Old 04-26-2021, 6:43am   #1
69camfrk
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Default Well, the divorce keeps getting more painful.

Just when I think things are about to be over, my soon to be ex hits me with something else. Here is a little background. I gave up an active duty career so she could finish her masters and have HER career. Our marriage was never great, but I suffered through it for way too many years. We have a house that was (almost) paid for. Behind my back, she ran up 42k in credit card debt. So trying to do what I thought was the right thing, I let her get a home equity loan on said amount. I'm not on the loan, but had to sign because I was on the deed.

I also agreed to give her $750 a month in child support and we will have joint custody. My youngest son is 17. I also agreed to give her the house and the rest of the equity. Roughly 50-70k and the furniture. Also, take in mind that she makes more money than me. I also agreed to give her 30% of my .mil retirement, and this morning, she says she wants 50%. I just sort of wanted to take my stuff and leave, but she keeps wanting to gut me. I already agreed to sign off on taking me off the deed, and giving her the house, but this is a deal breaker. The finance company is badgering me, but I have not signed any paperwork. I have also continued to pay her car insurance, but that ends as of today. I may have been one shitty husband, but no way in hell do I deserve what she is trying to put me through. I am about to the end of my rope...
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Old 04-26-2021, 6:55am   #2
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Sounds like she should pay you alimony if made more... Just saying.
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Old 04-26-2021, 6:57am   #3
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**** her.

She is ****ing you because she is listening to her lawyer.

Greedy ****.

Time to go to war.
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Old 04-26-2021, 6:57am   #4
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Sounds like she should pay you alimony if made more... Just saying.
I am calling the lawyer's office as soon as they come in. I am sick as a dog with a headcold or something, and her new announcement this morning is the icing on the cake.
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Old 04-26-2021, 6:58am   #5
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Joint custody and **** that child support ad well.
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Old 04-26-2021, 6:59am   #6
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Hope things get better for you,I have seen this many times where the guy tries to do what he thinks is right but gets ****ed many times over.....not sure what I would do .
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Old 04-26-2021, 7:09am   #7
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Let the lawyers hash it out. Sounds like she is taking advantage of you during this hard time.

Hang in there. Divorce was one of the, if not the worst, experiences of my life.
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Old 04-26-2021, 7:15am   #8
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Im not understanding, did you retire from the reserves or AD? Not sure how your state treats men in divorce but Id fight for every inch.

Its been awhile since Ive been through a breakup but I remember it being very painful and then relieving as f*ck. Hang in there, it will get better.
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Old 04-26-2021, 7:15am   #9
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Turn into the bastard she imagines you are and fight for every little thing. Withdraw 100% of your concessions and tell her lawyer it's time to start over. Crater your credit rating and lose the house if need be, then demand alimony from her and repayment of the money you spent on her loans. If the youngest kid is 17, suffer out the year left until they are an adult and don't worry about custody.

The best defense is always a counter attack. Lawyers are used to getting the upper hand and exploiting it. When you go sideways they start to see the case as a time-wasting losing proposition and often will settle far cheaper than when they think they are in control.
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Old 04-26-2021, 7:18am   #10
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Scorched earth.
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Old 04-26-2021, 7:23am   #11
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Let @Knooger pack her in the peanut pouch.....she gonna learn today!
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Old 04-26-2021, 7:24am   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chemtrails99 View Post
Turn into the bastard she imagines you are and fight for every little thing. Withdraw 100% of your concessions and tell her lawyer it's time to start over. Crater your credit rating and lose the house if need be, then demand alimony from her and repayment of the money you spent on her loans. If the youngest kid is 17, suffer out the year left until they are an adult and don't worry about custody.

The best defense is always a counter attack. Lawyers are used to getting the upper hand and exploiting it. When you go sideways they start to see the case as a time-wasting losing proposition and often will settle far cheaper than when they think they are in control.


This is a very common tactic if they feel you are getting anxious to finalize the divorce. They try to get a big concession out of you, holding the carrot of the pain reaching its end. Financially, it would be better to gut it out until the youngest child turns 18, if you can stand it. Either way, I would respond harshly, and say that she can have 50% of the retirement, but then you get 50% of the cash assets (sounds like you are getting substantially less), and you get a portion of the amount her income exceeds yours as alimony.
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Old 04-26-2021, 7:25am   #13
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Im not understanding, did you retire from the reserves or AD? Not sure how your state treats men in divorce but Id fight for every inch.

Its been awhile since Ive been through a breakup but I remember it being very painful and then relieving as f*ck. Hang in there, it will get better.
I retired from the Air Guard. Don't get me wrong, I was full time as a dual status technician. Deployed way more than when I was AD. I don't see shit until I'm 60.
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Old 04-26-2021, 7:28am   #14
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Old 04-26-2021, 7:39am   #15
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Im not sure how it is in your state but in MN you own half of that $42k debt. Marital asset Im afraid.

Example; I purchased my H-D Limited while we were married. I financed the entire thing and her name wasnt on the title. It was considered a marital asset.

Again, this is just MN; shes entitled to 50% of your pension/retirement. And youre entitled to 50% of hers. (Thats just pension piece)

What you did to further her career has *zero* value in the eyes of the court. I gave up a promising career as a Llama Rider so she could get her Basket Weaving PhD is irrelevant.

Now some completely unsolicited advice; This is ****in WAR! is expensive and harder on you than you could ever imagine. Im not advocating you cave into all her demands but give careful consideration to what its gonna cost you in lawyer fees to retain that $500.00 ice auger.
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Old 04-26-2021, 7:41am   #16
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Originally Posted by 69camfrk View Post
I retired from the Air Guard. Don't get me wrong, I was full time as a dual status technician. Deployed way more than when I was AD. I don't see shit until I'm 60.
Just got to outlive her ass then.

Honestly though, been there, done that. It will get better.
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Old 04-26-2021, 7:42am   #17
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Yup,scorched earth time and if your lawyer is a ***** fire him and find a bull dog.
.
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Old 04-26-2021, 7:46am   #18
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Im not sure how it is in your state but in MN you own half of that $42k debt. Marital asset Im afraid.

Example; I purchased my H-D Limited while we were married. I financed the entire thing and her name wasnt on the title. It was considered a marital asset.

Again, this is just MN; shes entitled to 50% of your pension/retirement. And youre entitled to 50% of hers. (Thats just pension piece)

What you did to further her career has *zero* value in the eyes of the court. I gave up a promising career as a Llama Rider so she could get her Basket Weaving PhD is irrelevant.

Now some completely unsolicited advice; This is ****in WAR! is expensive and harder on you than you could ever imagine. Im not advocating you cave into all her demands but give careful consideration to what its gonna cost you in lawyer fees to retain that $500.00 ice auger.
Yes, I am on the hook for her debt also. I never thought it possible to loathe a person as much as I do her. Plus there is still 50-70k of equity in the house that she is getting. I have never once threatened to mess with her teacher retirement and investments. I guess enough isn't enough. And yes, I realize that everything I sacrificed is for naught.
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Old 04-26-2021, 7:48am   #19
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friend of mine... couldn't get his future ex to agree to anything for the divorce because she kept saying
"I want the house... I want the house"

The home they were in had no sizeable equity, loan value was near what the place was worth. He finally caved in; she got the house and she had to get a mortgage on her own.

3 years later the house went into foreclosure. To her friends, she blamed losing the house on the divorce agreement; saying:

"I got stuck with the house"

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Old 04-26-2021, 7:52am   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chemtrails99 View Post
Crater your credit rating and lose the house if need be, then demand alimony.
This simply wasnt an option in my case. My employer pulls my credit rating periodically. If its bad? They could terminate my employment. I went to great lengths to preserve that. Not only that, having a shit credit score has all kinds of ramifications.

As for spousal maintenance? HIGHLY unlikely. Hes not a stay at home dad, both parties work. She could possibly ask for it temporarily while the divorce is in progress, but so can he.
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