Make me laugh..

[...Whitepower...]

Please and thanks.

[Datawiz]

Two pigs fell in the mud and three came out.

[Sea Six]

Originally Posted by datawiz

Two pigs fell in the mud and three came out.

*white horses

*six

[Datawiz]

Originally Posted by Sea Six

*white horses

*six

If they were white, it would be 1.3. If they were black, it'd be six.

Luv ya Mark.

[VatorMan]

[C5SilverBullet]

Originally Posted by VatorMan

HA!

That one made me laugh.

[Steve Austin]

My neighbor and I went out to do some errands. I parked my green S10 in front of the bank and he went inside to do business. A few minutes later, he comes out and 2 spots over he gets in a gold Tahoe with a black guy and closes the door before it comes to him, he is in the wrong vehicle. I am , the other guy looks like and Bob is then the other guy is, as Bob gets out apologizing. Maybe you had to be there but I still laugh about it.

[Fasglas]

Tom Swifties

"Who turned off the lights"? Tom said darkly.

"I thought Titanic was unsinkable"? Tom said wetly.

"The tire has no air in it". Tom said flatly.

Etc.

(Some here might even remember these.)

[Y2Kvert4me]

Originally Posted by VatorMan

Awesome!

[Sea Six]

Originally Posted by Fasglas

Tom Swifties

"Who turned off the lights"? Tom said darkly.

"I thought Titanic was unsinkable"? Tom said wetly.

"The tire has no air in it". Tom said flatly.

Etc.

(Some here might even remember these.)

"I dropped the toothpaste," he said, crestfallen.

[Sea Six]

Tom and Ruth went horse riding.

She fell off, but Tom kept going... Ruthlessly.

[yell01]

Did you hear about the guy who walked into his psychiatrists office wrapped in nothing but Saran Wrap?

His therapist looked at him and said "I can clearly see you're nuts!".

[Fasglas]

Asian women goes in for eye exam.
Doc tells her she has a bad cataract.
"Not possible," she says.
"No have Catarac, have Rincoln Continental.

[...Whitepower...]

Originally Posted by VatorMan

We're getting there...


Going to grab dinner let's see what I come back to.

[Grey Ghost]

Starbucks Drive-Thru. Sling Blade style. - YouTube

[DukeAllen]

One night, God visits a preacher.

The preacher has one question, "What is Heaven like?"

God replies, "Heaven is like a city. It has the best of everything. For example, the French are the chefs, the Italians are the lovers, the English are the policeman, the Germans are the mechanics, and the Dutch are the politicians."

"What is Hell like?" he asks.

"Well," he sighs, "the French are the mechanics, the Italians are the politicians, the English are the chefs, the Germans are the policemen, and the Dutch are the lovers."

[DukeAllen]

Dear Terri:

I know the counselor said we shouldn't contact each other during our"cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you left, I swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact. In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that.

But now I see that my pride's cost me a lot of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us does. Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is what my heart says . "There's no one like you, Terri." I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're not even close. Two weeks ago, I met this girl at the Rainbow Room and brought her home with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation.

She was young, Terri, maybe 19, with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect body - tits you wouldn't believe and an ass like a tortoise shell. Every man's dream, right?

But as I sat on the couch getting blown by this hottie, I thought, look at the stuff we've made important in our lives. It's all so superficial. What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes. But you see what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Terri? I doubt it. And I'd never really thought of that before. I don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little.

Later, after I'd tossed her about half a pint of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking, "Why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something else - some niggling feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me. It didn't feel the same because you weren't there, Terri, to watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you, baby. Terri, I'm just going crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds me of you.

Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met a few months back? Well, she drops by last week with a pan of lasagna. She said she figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what she really meant till later, but that's not the real story.

Anyway, we have a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know we're making hot love in our old bedroom. And this broad's a total monster in the sack. She's giving me everything, you know like a real woman does when she's not hung up about her career and whether the kids can hear us. And all of a sudden she spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother's old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it makes me sad too. Because I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Terri ever put the mirror on the floor? We've had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we never used it as a sex aid." (Some of this I thought about later.) You know what I mean?

What happened to our spontaneity? You get so caught up in the routine of a marriage and you just lose sight of each other. And then you lose yourself. That's the saddest part of all for me.

But I keep thinking we can get it back. I know we can, because I only want this stuff with you. Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean, Shannon's just 18, but she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders. She's been a real friend to me during this painful time. She's given me lots of good counsel about you and about women in general. (She's pulling for us to get back together, Terri. She really is.)

So we're sitting in the hot tub and talking about happier times. Here's this hot girl with the same DNA as you (although, let's face it, she got an extra helping of the sexy gene) and all I can do is think of how much she looks like you when you were 18. And that just about makes me cry.

And then it turns out Shannon's really into the whole anal thing and that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fueled some of the bitterness between us. But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside the steaming hot Dutch oven of your sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you? It's true, baby. In your heart you know it.

Don't you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances and start fresh? I think we can. I keep thinking that if you'd just try it, I wouldn't have to pressure you so much. Because who needs all that bitterness, Terri? It just tears us apart. And I can't be apart from you.

Because I love you. I really, really do, please say yes.

Love,

Karl

PS

If not, can you tell me where the remote is?

[DukeAllen]

The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall. The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"
The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."
The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"
The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's too scared to cough!"

[Fastguy]

Six out of seven dwarves aren't happy.

[...Whitepower...]

Originally Posted by DukeAllen

Dear Terri:

I know the counselor said we shouldn't contact each other during our"cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you left, I swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact. In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that.

But now I see that my pride's cost me a lot of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us does. Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is what my heart says . "There's no one like you, Terri." I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're not even close. Two weeks ago, I met this girl at the Rainbow Room and brought her home with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation.

She was young, Terri, maybe 19, with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect body - tits you wouldn't believe and an ass like a tortoise shell. Every man's dream, right?

But as I sat on the couch getting blown by this hottie, I thought, look at the stuff we've made important in our lives. It's all so superficial. What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes. But you see what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Terri? I doubt it. And I'd never really thought of that before. I don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little.

Later, after I'd tossed her about half a pint of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking, "Why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something else - some niggling feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me. It didn't feel the same because you weren't there, Terri, to watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you, baby. Terri, I'm just going crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds me of you.

Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met a few months back? Well, she drops by last week with a pan of lasagna. She said she figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what she really meant till later, but that's not the real story.

Anyway, we have a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know we're making hot love in our old bedroom. And this broad's a total monster in the sack. She's giving me everything, you know like a real woman does when she's not hung up about her career and whether the kids can hear us. And all of a sudden she spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother's old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it makes me sad too. Because I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Terri ever put the mirror on the floor? We've had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we never used it as a sex aid." (Some of this I thought about later.) You know what I mean?

What happened to our spontaneity? You get so caught up in the routine of a marriage and you just lose sight of each other. And then you lose yourself. That's the saddest part of all for me.

But I keep thinking we can get it back. I know we can, because I only want this stuff with you. Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean, Shannon's just 18, but she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders. She's been a real friend to me during this painful time. She's given me lots of good counsel about you and about women in general. (She's pulling for us to get back together, Terri. She really is.)

So we're sitting in the hot tub and talking about happier times. Here's this hot girl with the same DNA as you (although, let's face it, she got an extra helping of the sexy gene) and all I can do is think of how much she looks like you when you were 18. And that just about makes me cry.

And then it turns out Shannon's really into the whole anal thing and that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fueled some of the bitterness between us. But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside the steaming hot Dutch oven of your sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you? It's true, baby. In your heart you know it.

Don't you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances and start fresh? I think we can. I keep thinking that if you'd just try it, I wouldn't have to pressure you so much. Because who needs all that bitterness, Terri? It just tears us apart. And I can't be apart from you.

Because I love you. I really, really do, please say yes.

Love,

Karl

PS

If not, can you tell me where the remote is?

TLDR....

Busy..