|
Off Topic Off Topic - General non-Corvette related discussion. |
|
Share | Thread Tools | Search this Thread |
11-05-2023, 1:42pm | #1 | ||||||
A Real Barner
Join Date: Sep 2021
Location: NYS Finger Lakes
Posts: 14,932
Thanks: 7,672
Thanked 9,805 Times in 4,061 Posts
Gameroom Barn Bucks: $500
|
I need a vasectomy; suggestions?
Just kidding, had one a long time ago.
|
||||||
11-05-2023, 1:47pm | #2 | ||||||
Barn Stall Owner #0331
Join Date: Jun 2021
Location: USMC 0331 Forever
Posts: 15,237
Thanks: 8,744
Thanked 7,875 Times in 3,220 Posts
Gameroom Barn Bucks: $500
|
Best Vasectomy Jokes
Did you hear about the man who had a vasectomy because he didn’t want to have kids? But when he came back home, they were still there. John thought a vasectomy wouldn’t get his wife pregnant. Turns out, all it does is just change the color of the baby. What does a man who’s have a vasectomy and a Christmas tree have in common? Decorative balls. Knock, knock. (Who’s there?) Alpaca. (Alpaca who?) Alpaca the ice, you just got snipped and need to take it easy for a while! Did you hear about the wife who made her husband promise to stop making stupid jokes? So he got a vasectomy. Wife: You got a vasectomy without even telling me. Are you serious? Husband: I am not kidding you. Do you know that the vasectomy procedure was pioneered by the Greek physician, Euclipides? His original instructions were as follows: “Euclipides nuts.” What does a king call a vasectomy? An heir cut. What do you call a cheap vasectomy? A bloody ripoff. Did you hear about the surgeon who botched a vasectomy? He got the sack. A doctor accidentally emailed the results of all his vasectomy patients to everyone on the internet. They were publicly desemenated. A man went to the doctor to get a vasectomy. The doctor said, “This a really big decision you know. Have you discussed it with your wife and kids?” He said, “Yes, they’re in favor 14 to 3..” What did the balls yell at the penis after the vasectomy? “You’re nutting without me!” Recommended: Penis Jokes Did you hear about the wife who wants to prove she’s brave enough to get a vasectomy? He husband told her that she doesn’t have the balls to do it. What do you call a Mexican with a vasectomy? A dry martinez. What is the title for a movie about a man who is going to get his vasectomy reversed? Scrotal Recall! How does a guy prove he’s tough? He jogs home after his vasectomy. Derren’s lesbian neighbors Eva and Julia asked him to help them conceive a child recently. They said they wouldn’t mind if they did it the “old fashioned way” as they weren’t man haters! For six months now they’ve been trying but Derren just doesn’t have the heart to tell them that he had a vasectomy last year. Why did the old black man wear a tuxedo to his vasectomy? “Cause if I gonna be impotent, I better look impotent, too.” What do vasectomies and breathalyzers have in common? The goal is to blow a zero. What do you call it when Arnold Schwarzenegger gets his vasectomy reversed? Scrotal re-ball. Why was the topologist confident about performing a vasectomy? Because open balls are in his neighborhood. How does sex change for a man before and after a vasectomy? You won’t notice a vas deferens. A redneck couple had had enough after the birth of their ninth child since they couldn’t afford a larger bed. The husband went to the veterinarian and requested that his dog be snipped. “Me’n my cousin don’t want no more kids.” The vet told him he could get a vasectomy, but it was expensive. “There is a cheaper option,” said the vet. “Go home, find yourself a cherry bomb, light it up, and put it in a Coors Lite can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10.” “I ain’t no rocket surgeon,” said the redneck, “but how’s that gonna help me?” “Trust me,” said the vet. So the redneck went home, drained a beer then stuffed a lit cherry bomb in the empty can. He brought it up to his ear and began to count: “1… 2… 3… 4… 5…” Once he got to five, he stopped for a second, put the can between his legs, and resumed the count on his other hand. What do you call a discount on circumcision and vasectomy at the same time? A package deal. What do you call the testicles of a man who’s had a vasectomy? Seedless grapes. What kind of street does a vasectomy urologist live on? A cul-de-sac. Two women are discussing their love lives. Jo says, “I have to be careful not to get pregnant.” Jenny looks confused, “But I thought Tony recently had a vasectomy.” “He did,” says Jo. “That’s why I need to be extra careful.” What do you call a trombone player who’s had a vasectomy? A eunuchorn! What state is a man in after their vasectomy? Neva-da. What do you call when a man from a royal family gets a vasectomy? Nobles (No balls). An artist’s wife starts having sex with him daily. While a bit unusual, he didn’t question it and just enjoyed the ride. One day, his wife approached him. “Honey? Can you sketch a picture for me?” “Of course!” he replied. “What would you like me to draw?” “What do you think our baby will look like.” He stared back at her, eyes wide. Then, sighing heavily, he grabbed a pencil and pad, quickly sketched out a picture, and pushed it toward her. “What the hell is this?” she laughed, surveying the page. It was just a stick figure firing a gun at another stick figure, smiling, with no visible wounds. “I asked you to imagine what our baby would look like!” she repeated. “And I got a vasectomy five years ago,” he said. “So I drew a blank.” |
||||||
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Louie Detroit For This Useful Post: |
11-05-2023, 1:47pm | #3 | ||||||
Barn Stall Owner #116
Doesn't have a big thing
Join Date: May 2022
Location: NOBROCOSOFLO
Posts: 14,052
Thanks: 3,551
Thanked 9,200 Times in 4,611 Posts
Gameroom Barn Bucks: $500
|
Don't go to Shakey Joe!!
|
||||||
11-05-2023, 2:23pm | #4 | ||||||
A Real Barner
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Down the Shore,New Jersey Elev.3 feet.
Posts: 18,611
Thanks: 4,584
Thanked 11,022 Times in 5,147 Posts
Gameroom Barn Bucks: $1007997
|
A man goes to get a vasectomy dressed it a Tuxedo so the doctor asks him why he is dressed like that.
Man replies....well.....If I'm gonna be impotent I might as well look impotent ! |
||||||
11-05-2023, 2:39pm | #5 | |||||||
A Real Barner
Join Date: Sep 2021
Location: NYS Finger Lakes
Posts: 14,932
Thanks: 7,672
Thanked 9,805 Times in 4,061 Posts
Gameroom Barn Bucks: $500
|
Quote:
|
|||||||
11-05-2023, 3:04pm | #6 | ||||||
A Real Barner
Join Date: Sep 2021
Location: NYS Finger Lakes
Posts: 14,932
Thanks: 7,672
Thanked 9,805 Times in 4,061 Posts
Gameroom Barn Bucks: $500
|
|
||||||
11-05-2023, 3:10pm | #7 | ||||||
Barn Stall Owner #14/32
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: IDK, IDC, IDGAF
Posts: 21,416
Thanks: 14,403
Thanked 13,049 Times in 4,953 Posts
Gameroom Barn Bucks: $4810
|
I considered a vasectomy, but when my doc told me he charges by the inch, I decided it was cheaper to keep having kids.
|
||||||
11-05-2023, 3:18pm | #8 | ||||||
10cm member
Barn Stall Owner #90125 NCM Supporter '19,'20
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Houston, Tejas, Estados Unidos
Posts: 82,007
Thanks: 37,203
Thanked 41,469 Times in 17,252 Posts
Gameroom Barn Bucks: $2621492
|
You should contact @Sea Six. As I recall, he was doing procedures like that for half off. Wouldn't hurt to at least get a quote.
|
||||||
The Following User Says Thank You to Bill For This Useful Post: |
11-05-2023, 7:33pm | #9 | ||||||
Barn Stall Owner #23
Barn Raising I
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: THE Lone Star State
Posts: 9,499
Thanks: 3,269
Thanked 5,881 Times in 2,031 Posts
Gameroom Barn Bucks: $144580
|
Walmart sells an at home vasectomy kit. Consists of a variety of sizes of rubber bands and a weeks worth of whiskey
__________________
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. |
||||||
11-05-2023, 7:48pm | #10 | ||||||
Barn Stall Owner #0331
Join Date: Jun 2021
Location: USMC 0331 Forever
Posts: 15,237
Thanks: 8,744
Thanked 7,875 Times in 3,220 Posts
Gameroom Barn Bucks: $500
|
You know that joke works much better when more specifics are supplied about the man.
|
||||||
11-05-2023, 8:09pm | #11 | ||||||||
10cm member
Barn Stall Owner #90125 NCM Supporter '19,'20
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Houston, Tejas, Estados Unidos
Posts: 82,007
Thanks: 37,203
Thanked 41,469 Times in 17,252 Posts
Gameroom Barn Bucks: $2621492
|
Quote:
https://www.texastribune.org/2020/11...almart-liquor/ Quote:
|
||||||||
11-05-2023, 8:14pm | #12 | |||||||
A Real Barner
Join Date: Sep 2021
Location: NYS Finger Lakes
Posts: 14,932
Thanks: 7,672
Thanked 9,805 Times in 4,061 Posts
Gameroom Barn Bucks: $500
|
Quote:
Plus, if you pick up some hot babe at 2 AM with a wet ***** and you don't have enough liquor at home, if you know the bar owner, he can "loan" you a bottle. Or so I've heard. |
|||||||
11-05-2023, 9:53pm | #13 | ||||||
A Real Barner
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Down the Shore,New Jersey Elev.3 feet.
Posts: 18,611
Thanks: 4,584
Thanked 11,022 Times in 5,147 Posts
Gameroom Barn Bucks: $1007997
|
|
||||||
The Following User Says Thank You to 04 commemorative For This Useful Post: |
11-05-2023, 10:01pm | #14 | |||||||
10cm member
Barn Stall Owner #90125 NCM Supporter '19,'20
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Houston, Tejas, Estados Unidos
Posts: 82,007
Thanks: 37,203
Thanked 41,469 Times in 17,252 Posts
Gameroom Barn Bucks: $2621492
|
<<<<<<<I guess mine would be surprisingly affordable then.
Quote:
|
|||||||
11-05-2023, 11:40pm | #15 | ||||||
A Real Barner
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 4,015
Thanks: 1,434
Thanked 2,568 Times in 1,315 Posts
Gameroom Barn Bucks: $1027436
|
|
||||||
The Following User Says Thank You to higgyburners For This Useful Post: |
11-06-2023, 12:28am | #16 | ||||||
A Real Barner
Join Date: Sep 2021
Location: NYS Finger Lakes
Posts: 14,932
Thanks: 7,672
Thanked 9,805 Times in 4,061 Posts
Gameroom Barn Bucks: $500
|
|
||||||
The Following User Says Thank You to Bruze For This Useful Post: |
11-06-2023, 7:10am | #17 | ||||||
A Real Barner
Join Date: Jul 2022
Posts: 3,823
Thanks: 597
Thanked 3,603 Times in 1,612 Posts
Gameroom Barn Bucks: $500
|
I had mine done in 1989, Doctor had the cutest young gal assisting. Local anesthetic I thought her prescience would get an embarrassing "rise" out of me, but when the ball-saw came out things quickly de-escalated.
|
||||||
11-06-2023, 7:37am | #18 | ||||||
Bantayan Kids '14
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Boonies of NH
Posts: 9,307
Thanks: 5,144
Thanked 3,045 Times in 1,474 Posts
Gameroom Barn Bucks: $998785483
|
The doc that did mine had a great sense of humor. He told me not to worry about the procedure as it was a dinky little operation, and I would feel the balls afterwards! Absolutely true story, had my wife laughing her ass off!
|
||||||
11-06-2023, 8:25am | #19 | |||||||
10cm member
Barn Stall Owner #90125 NCM Supporter '19,'20
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Houston, Tejas, Estados Unidos
Posts: 82,007
Thanks: 37,203
Thanked 41,469 Times in 17,252 Posts
Gameroom Barn Bucks: $2621492
|
https://thepostmillennial.com/women-...and-skyrockets
Quote:
|
|||||||
The Following User Says Thank You to Bill For This Useful Post: |
11-06-2023, 9:01am | #20 | ||||||
Barn Stall Owner #105
Join Date: Jan 2021
Posts: 1,216
Thanks: 209
Thanked 1,370 Times in 594 Posts
Gameroom Barn Bucks: $500
|
|
||||||
|
|
Support the Barn: |
Download the Mobile App; |
Follow us on Facebook: |
||