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Old 06-05-2015, 2:11pm   #21
'77Babe
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So...

I'm awakened at zero dark thirty by the unmistakable stench of pole cat, or skunk, for the more refined. The effect is like breaking an ammonia capsule under my nose. I am awake. Fcuk.

My cat is walking around the bedroom leaving a vapor trail that all but glows in the moonlight shining thru the bedroom window. Fcuk.

I hear a crash downstairs that I should not be hearing. Fcuk.

Downstairs I go. The whole first floor is smelling like rural route road kill. Fcuk.

At this point, I do what any red blooded American would do; I get on the computer and post about it on an obscure corvette discussion forum. Then I grab a cup of joe, one of several firearms I keep about, and head to the basement.

About halfway down the stairway, I break through a thermal layer that is trying to keep a lid on the nauseating smell. Holy fcuk this stinks.

As I'm searching thru my unfinished basement which serves as a storage area for everything that we don't want and should have gotten rid of a decade or more ago, I hear something rattling the pet door. I quickly look over and observe something poking its head thru the door. It's not one of our numerous four legged pets. It's not a skunk, although there can be no doubt that this interloper is only one in a long line of trespassers this night.

We lock eyes. He blinks and scurries away. Smart move, fcuker.

I barricade the pet door wild-west style with a steamer trunk. Soon I hear the tap, tap, tap of something trying to come thru the door. I look thru the door's window and see two raccoons expressing their frustration with not being able to come into the basement...a place they've obviously been to before this night. I really want to dispatch these fckers, but I don't want my wife to soil herself in bed at the sound of a .45 going off at zero dark forty-five.

I shoot them anyway. With my cellphone camera.












So the pet door is going to go the way of the dodo bird today. I've got to give my cat a tomato juice bath and clean up the mess in the basement. Yeah, that's what I was planning to do this Friday.

I suppose it's too early for beer.

Fcuk.
Awwwwwww.
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Old 06-05-2015, 2:27pm   #22
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Awwwwwww.
I know. They look all cuddly and shit, right?
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Old 06-05-2015, 4:37pm   #23
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Came in thru the pet door. Had to. How teh fk am I going to get this SOB out of my house without turning this into an epic disaster?

Heading down there now with my varmint killer....

jeebus fkng christ on rubber crutches.

Cover me. I'm going in.
are you sure its not your kids smoking pot, they do call it skunk weed....
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Old 06-05-2015, 5:13pm   #24
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While we wait...

Even the fabric is going...damn!
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Old 06-05-2015, 5:47pm   #25
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What kind of messes are you continually getting into that you have such vast experience with skunk stink?
Big, curious/not terribly bright dogs and live in the Ozarks woods.
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Old 06-05-2015, 6:18pm   #26
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Old 06-05-2015, 6:22pm   #27
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This post should be a sticky.


9/10

would read again
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This Thread Rocks!!!
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Old 06-05-2015, 6:37pm   #28
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At this point, I do what any red blooded American would do; I get on the computer and post about it on an obscure corvette discussion forum.

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Old 06-05-2015, 6:40pm   #29
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Old 06-05-2015, 6:57pm   #30
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Great write up. Fukc

Great thread. Fukc

Don't drink the tomato juice after washing cat.








Fukc.
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Old 06-05-2015, 11:12pm   #31
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I know. They look all cuddly and shit, right?
Have you ever seen/felt their hands? Sooooo cute and soft. But I sure as hell don't want them around when they're pissed at me.
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Old 06-05-2015, 11:14pm   #32
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On the other hand, the raccoons could be the key to getting the skunk out. Let them move in.
Oh, we will need a webcam.
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