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Off Topic Off Topic - General non-Corvette related discussion. |
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01-23-2022, 8:03am | #1 | ||||||
Barn Stall Owner #69
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Absolute Laws of Golf
Absolute Laws of Golf
LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, you should have Inner Peace knowing that a shittier one is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime. LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former. LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water. Expensive clubs have been known to be partly made with this most unusual natural alloy. LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down. LAW 5: The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor. LAW 6: A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS agent -- or some similar combination. LAW 7: All 3-woods are demon-possessed. Your Mother in Law does not come close. LAW 8: Golf balls from the same "sleeve" tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water. See LAW 3. LAW 9: The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be. LAW 10: Golf should be given up at least twice per month. LAW 11: All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the sunset. LAW 12: Since bad shots come in groups of three, your fourth consecutive bad shot is really the beginning of the next group of three. LAW 13: If it isn't broke, try changing your grip. LAW 14: It's surprisingly easy to hole a 50-foot putt when you lie 8. (THIS is how the one-handed putting started!) LAW 15: Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut. LAW 16: Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts. LAW 17: It's not a gimme if you're still 4 feet away. LAW 18: The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree. LAW 19: You can hit a 2-acre fairway 10% of the time, and a 2-inch branch 90% of the time. LAW 20: Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make a double or triple bogey to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe. LAW 21: If you want to hit a 7-iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try to use it to lay up just short of a water hazard. LAW 22: There are two things you can learn by stopping your backswing at the top and checking the position of your hands: (i) how many hands you have, and (ii) which one is wearing the glove. LAW 23: A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours. LAW 24: Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it. |
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01-23-2022, 8:16am | #2 | ||||||
Latin American Goat Roper
Barn Stall Owner #101 Bantayan Kids '13
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AND I distinctly remember seeing a DRIVER way the hell up a tall tree, overhanging the TEE off spot......some 60 years ago.......
even the adults were laughing their asses off over that....... |
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01-23-2022, 9:11am | #3 | ||||||
Barn Stall Owner #118
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When I was a kid up in NH one of the tee off points. pars or whatever the **** you call it, (I don't golf), went over part of the river that came in from the side like a cul de sac to the green. .
After school or weekends we would be down their diving for them and usually had it in hand as they came on by and gave us a quarter. during the summer months I could go home with $20 a day or turn them into the shop for the same price |
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01-23-2022, 9:44am | #4 | ||||||
Barn Stall Owner #105
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That explains my golfing to a Tee!
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01-23-2022, 9:55am | #5 | |||||||
Latin American Goat Roper
Barn Stall Owner #101 Bantayan Kids '13
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Quote:
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01-23-2022, 10:33am | #6 | ||||||
Barn Stall Owner #74
Barn Raising II Bantayan Kids '13,'17
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LAW 20:
Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make a double or triple bogey to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe. Ah yes, the dreaded ABFU ! |
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01-23-2022, 11:44am | #7 | ||||||
Barn Stall Owner #54
Barn Raising II,III Bantayan Kids '13,'17
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Vadered
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01-23-2022, 12:13pm | #8 | ||||||
Barn Stall Owner #747-400
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01-23-2022, 2:52pm | #9 | ||||||
Sparkles Flambeaux
Barn Stall Owner #4 Barn Raising I,II NCM Supporter '13,'14,'15,'16,'17,'21 Bantayan Kids '13,'14,'15,'17
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low score wins? i'm out.
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01-23-2022, 3:34pm | #10 | ||||||
A Real Barner
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Never got into cow pasture pool
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01-23-2022, 4:52pm | #11 | ||||||
Barn Stall Owner #74
Barn Raising II Bantayan Kids '13,'17
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01-23-2022, 10:04pm | #12 | ||||||
A Real Barner
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Law 25: Gaining air in your golf cart because you decided to jump a hill onto the green is a great way to get, if nothing else, threatened with a lifetime ban.
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01-24-2022, 4:43am | #13 | ||||||
A Real Barner
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Played golf with the boss once. Didn't know I was supposed to let him win
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01-24-2022, 7:21am | #14 | ||||||
Goldilocks
Barn Stall Owner #905 Bantayan Kids '13,'15
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LAW #26:
Those who swing the fag sticks are in fact, fags. |
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01-24-2022, 11:20am | #15 | ||||||
Barn Stall Owner #747-400
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01-24-2022, 11:54am | #16 |
Explosive Salami
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When teeing off from the men's tee and your ball does not go past the women's tee, you must drop trou, waddle up to your ball, hit it again, and then you may pull up said trou after your ball passes the women's tee.
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01-24-2022, 1:38pm | #17 | ||||||
Goldilocks
Barn Stall Owner #905 Bantayan Kids '13,'15
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The ‘Dick-Out’ rule. I’ve heard of it but a bit differently. You had to play the entire hole with your dick out.
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