Cutting board give away - to a good home

[DAB]

I made a custom cutting board for someone i met at BR2, i sent pictures before sending the board, no objections were raised then. they got the board, said they liked it, again, no objections raised. patiently waited for the agreed payment to be sent, finally after a month of waiting, they finally decided to tell me that they didn't like it, declaring it wasn't 'fancy' enough. fine, either pay me, or send it back.

well, i finally got it back today, it's in good shape, having never been used, and barely unpacked.

so far, i have about $75 into this, about $25 in shipping, and about $50 in materials and consumables. long gone is my fee for making this. fine, lesson learned.

so here's the once in a lifetime offer to all y'all:

tell me, in a brief manner please, why you would give it a good home. i'll take submissions on this thread until next week Tuesday, May 17, 2016 at midnight MDT. i'll drink copious amounts of coffee and water the next morning, judge the entries according to a super-secret methodology (including grading for humor, grammar, spelling, verb tense, etc), and select a winner.

you can appeal to my emotions, to my logic, you can tell me it's for a family/friend and why they would really like it. basically the only rule is to be succinct. brevity is the soul of wit.

yes, the above rules basically mean Gene will need help if he wants to enter. my Gene-translator is decent, but not perfect.

as for Spence....please, no Latin. or verbose ramblings. and no references to trains.

winner has to promise (cross your heart and pinky swear) to send me $30 to cover my shipping to you. i will haul my sorry ass to UPS again and send it to you via UPS Ground (if you want it faster, i'll get a quote and you can pony up the extra $$). payment can be either via snail mail and check, or via paypal (i'll PM you my account email addy).

they wanted a board with the initial "S", so that's what i made.

dimensions are 12-1/2" wide, 14-1/4" tall, 1-7/8" thick. maple and cherry.

pics below:

good luck.

[99 pewtercoupe]

S as in Spence? He needs this
Hopefully he can craft a sufficiently concise reason why he should get it
Put the gin down Larry.

[Datawiz]

Quid Pro Quo?

[DAB]

Originally Posted by datawiz

Quid Pro Quo?

ok, that's pretty short, but i'm not sure what you are getting at.

no, this was not made for Spence. they rarely post here.

[Datawiz]

Originally Posted by DAB

ok, that's pretty short, but i'm not sure what you are getting at.

no, this was not made for Spence. they rarely post here.

Vette Barn Banner for cutting board. I will pay the shipping. Might even pay a little extra.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quid_pro_quo

[DAB]

Originally Posted by datawiz

Vette Barn Banner for cutting board. I will pay the shipping. Might even pay a little extra.

Quid Pro Quo

ok, that's one entry.



well, your last name does end in an S....

[markids77]

I have this affinity for orphaned objects. Especially handcrafted orphans. And I already have your mailing address!

[DAB]

is that your entry?

[99 pewtercoupe]

Originally Posted by DAB

ok, that's pretty short, but i'm not sure what you are getting at.

no, this was not made for Spence. they rarely post here.

I didn't mean to suggest it was originally made for our esteemed legal beagle.
However if by fate it has his surname initial...

[markids77]

Originally Posted by DAB

is that your entry?

It was either that or something like this:
That thing is beautiful; obviously created by a true craftsman, and made with love. The joinery is without fault, even on the edges of the letter. I definitely lack the skill and patience to create such a masterpiece and I would be positively thrilled to own, display and use such a marvelous object even though there is no "S" at all in my name. I am in awe of the talent and creativity used to make that board!

Any customer who might find fault with the quality or construction of this artwork should have their heads examined, and if they be members here face censure for having the poor taste to complain. However, since karma can be quite the bitch, I am certain that what has gone around will come around again.

In closing, allow me to entreat you to choose ME over anyone else who will ask that they be lucky enough to have fortune smile on them in this manner!

However, since brevity was requested, and I so seldom "win" anything I decided to be brief and odd enough to be noticed.

[DAB]

Originally Posted by markids77

It was either that or something like this:
That thing is beautiful; obviously created by a true craftsman, and made with love. The joinery is without fault, even on the edges of the letter. I definitely lack the skill and patience to create such a masterpiece and I would be positively thrilled to own, display and use such a marvelous object even though there is no "S" at all in my name. I am in awe of the talent and creativity used to make that board!

Any customer who might find fault with the quality or construction of this artwork should have their heads examined, and if they be members here face censure for having the poor taste to complain. However, since karma can be quite the bitch, I am certain that what has gone around will come around again.

In closing, allow me to entreat you to choose ME over anyone else who will ask that they be lucky enough to have fortune smile on them in this manner!

However, since brevity was requested, and I so seldom "win" anything I decided to be brief and odd enough to be noticed.

that's a fine entry, so noted.

now...if you had started off with the history of wood.....and included the phrase "call me Ishmael...", you would have lost marks....

[JRD77VET]

Not an entry ( as we already traded ) but very nice to offer one of your handcrafted custom wooden works of art

[snide]

Originally Posted by DAB

ok, that's one entry.



well, your last name does end in an S....

The only one in our household with a name that starts with S is our cat Salem. Yet, he's black. Er, African American. Wait, he's never been to Africa. He's black.

Or it could be a 5. We have 5 pets. No wait, we have 6. Shit. Hey, shit begins with S, and sometimes I'm full of shit.

And we need a cutting board. How can you carve roast beef, or turkeyon a dinner plate?

[Nox]

You can send it over here so Sandy will quit phucking up my custom chef's knives by cutting food on paper plates.

[DAB]

Originally Posted by Nox

You can send it over here so Sandy will quit phucking up my custom chef's knives by cutting food on paper plates.

Short, sweet, and pictures too! Entered.

[DAB]

Originally Posted by snide

The only one in our household with a name that starts with S is our cat Salem. Yet, he's black. Er, African American. Wait, he's never been to Africa. He's black.

Or it could be a 5. We have 5 pets. No wait, we have 6. Shit. Hey, shit begins with S, and sometimes I'm full of shit.

And we need a cutting board. How can you carve roast beef, or turkeyon a dinner plate?

Rambling, but I got it. Entered.

[DAB]

Originally Posted by JRD77VET

Not an entry ( as we already traded ) but very nice to offer one of your handcrafted custom wooden works of art

Wait.... You use it?!

[JRD77VET]

Originally Posted by DAB

Wait.... You use it?!

It's OK, I can resurface it

[DAB]

Might be a little overkill there pardner. 220 sandpaper will suffice nicely.

[JRD77VET]

Originally Posted by DAB

Might be a little overkill there pardner. 220 sandpaper will suffice nicely.

oh

I'll put the carbide insert face mill back in the cabinet.

BRB