Get in here and entertain my ass, will ya?

[LilRedCorvette]

I gotta say, VBOT does NOT disappoint!

[thkauffman]

Originally Posted by jaxgator

YouTube - Animusic - Pipe Dreams

I love the Animusic stuff. I might have a DVD sitting around somewhere with that stuff.

[Truck Guy]

A couple thousand or so years ago, a crowd was dragging a woman to the town center to stone her to death for committing a crime.
Just as the angry mob was about to start with the stoning, Jesus Christ appeared.

Jesus said, "He who hath not ever sinned, should cast thy first stone!"

Well, the crowd starts to grumble and moan, they start dropping their rocks and stones and walk away.

Just then, a tiny ancient little old woman with a huge boulder held over her head shuffles up to the woman and crushes her with the boulder.

Jesus looks at the woman and says, "You know Mom. Sometimes you really piss me off!"



<TG ducks the bolt of lightning that passes over his head...>

[73sbVert]

Originally Posted by wwomanC6

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = No

2. No = Yes

3. Maybe = No

4. We need = I want

5. I am sorry = You'll be sorry

6. We need to talk = You're in trouble

7. Sure, go ahead = You better not

8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later

9. I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, you moron!

10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?


MEN'S ENGLISH:

1. I am hungry = I am hungry

2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy

3. I am tired = I am tired

4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!

5. I love you = Let's have sex now

6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?

7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.

8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.

9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.

10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you.

11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay

AWESOME!!


Mary walks into the church and goes to her priest, Father O'Malley.

Mary: "Father, me husband Seamus passed away last night."

Father O'Malley: "Oh Mary, I'm so sorry to hear that. Did he have any last words?"

Mary: "Why yes Father, he did. He said 'Mary, put down the gun' "

[Mirroredshades]

Originally Posted by 73sbVert

Mary walks into the church and goes to her priest, Father O'Malley.

Mary: "Father, me husband Seamus passed away last night."

Father O'Malley: "Oh Mary, I'm so sorry to hear that. Did he have any last words?"

Mary: "Why yes Father, he did. He said 'Mary, put down the gun' "

[BADRACR1]

Originally Posted by Allan

Ah, Butt Bark. You know, those stubborn pieces of poo that cling to the hairs and refuse let go. While the rocking maneuver and pinch technique are favored stratesgies for dealing w/Butt Bark, if an additional wipe is warranted, it is best to wipe in a front-to-back fashion to generate the greatest degree of sheer force and avoid genital area contamination.

Synonyms: Grundle Weeds, Cling Ons, The Lone Ranger, Crap Crumbs & Hanging Chads.

What I hate is the turdles. You know, the little puddles of water from the turd that forms on your ass when the turd plops in the water and makes ploplets? You know, ploplets, little drops of water from the splurd? You know, splurd, splashing turds? Chaps my ass. Well, it won't if you wipe good.

[BADRACR1]

Originally Posted by Truck Guy

A couple thousand or so years ago, a crowd was dragging a woman to the town center to stone her to death for committing a crime.
Just as the angry mob was about to start with the stoning, Jesus Christ appeared.

Jesus said, "He who hath not ever sinned, should cast thy first stone!"

Well, the crowd starts to grumble and moan, they start dropping their rocks and stones and walk away.

Just then, a tiny ancient little old woman with a huge boulder held over her head shuffles up to the woman and crushes her with the boulder.

Jesus looks at the woman and says, "You know Mom. Sometimes you really piss me off!"



<TG ducks the bolt of lightning that passes over his head...>

That's funnier than hell, right there!! Kudos, sir!

[PLRX]

Originally Posted by MEC5LADY

What are you trying to do make Laurie throw up? You should be permabanned not only from this forum but the planet.

[BADRACR1]

Originally Posted by wwomanC6

Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes?
If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!

(A} Almost Boobs...
{B} Barely there.
{C} Can't Complain!
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake.
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up !

They forgot the German bra.
Holtzemfromfloppen

My mom is 5'4", 130lbs. Before reduction she wore a 34GG. She had a little over six pounds removed. No joke!!

[DAB]

Duck walks into a bar asks for grapes.

Barkeep tells him he has no grapes, duck leaves.

This repeats 3 more times.

Duck walks back into bar, barkeep eyes him and says "if you ask for grapes I'll nail your little webbed feet to the floor, now what do you want?"

Duck asks "got any nails?"

Barkeep is dumbfounded and says "no, I don't have any nails"

Duck says "good, got any grapes"?

[wwomanC6]

Don't think anyone has posted this one.

The guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Bob, because he snored so badly.. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you? He said, "Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."

The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful! He said, 'Man, that Bob shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night."

The third night was Fred's turn. Fred was a tanned, older cowboy, a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "Good morning!" he said. They couldn't believe it.. They said, "Man, what happened?"

He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Bob into bed, patted him on the butt, and kissed him good night. Bob sat up and watched me all night."


How ya doing LilRed?

[carlton_fritz]

How is the OP doing?

[LilRedCorvette]

Originally Posted by wwomanC6

How ya doing LilRed?

Originally Posted by carlton_fritz

How is the OP doing?

Still sick, but a bit better. It takes me so long to get over stuff...weak immune system, but still fighting the good fight. Thanks for asking and for the great jokes...it's making me

[themonk]

Sorry to hear that Red, I hope you start feeling better soon.

[Cybercowboy]

Originally Posted by Truck Guy

World's Shortest Joke:

Guy walks in to a psychiatrists office wearing nothing but Saran Wrap as underwear.

The Psychiatrist says, "I can clearly see your nuts!"

No, the world's shortest joke is this:

A dyslexic walks into a bra...

['77Babe]

Well, this thread has certainly made my day end better than it started.

[carlton_fritz]

Originally Posted by LilRedCorvette

Still sick, but a bit better. It takes me so long to get over stuff...weak immune system, but still fighting the good fight. Thanks for asking and for the great jokes...it's making me

Do you get many antioxidants?

[BAT]

Originally Posted by Truck Guy

World's Shortest Joke:

Guy walks in to a psychiatrists office wearing nothing but Saran Wrap as underwear.

The Psychiatrist says, "I can clearly see your nuts!"

that made me and reminded me of this one...



A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his crotch. The bar tender says, "excuse me, but do you know you have a steering wheel on your crotch?" to which the pirate replies...

"Aye, its driving me nuts"

[LilRedCorvette]

Originally Posted by carlton_fritz

Do you get many antioxidants?

Plenty. I just have a very bad immune system.

No big deal, it is what it is, can't be changed, so I just keep plugging away...

[xXBUDXx]

Originally Posted by wwomanC6

Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes?
If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!

(A} Almost Boobs...
{B} Barely there.
{C} Can't Complain!
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake.
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up !

They forgot the German bra.
Holtzemfromfloppen

I'm going to need pics. Two of each size, please.