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Old 03-10-2017, 5:41pm   #1
snide
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biggrin MrVette calls tech support...

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one...
Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
************************
Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha. I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'can’t find printer’.
I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says it can't find it..
*************************

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in.
*************************

This is my favorite:
Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five dots.
*************************
Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry... Internet Explorer..
*************************
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
*************************
Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first email.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the little circle around it?
*************************

A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: 'No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point.
The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.'
************************

Tech support: 'Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time.
That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager.'
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: 'P'.....on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT
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Old 03-10-2017, 5:43pm   #2
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sounds about right per NSA and CIA logs.
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Old 03-10-2017, 5:47pm   #3
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I can tell you EXACTLY what the problem with Canon printers is. Their ink cartridge will print 3 pages, then run out of ink. Bastages! I wondered why a photo quality printer was being sold for $ 49 new. Live and learn.
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Old 03-10-2017, 5:50pm   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DAB View Post
sounds about right per NSA and CIA logs.
The NSA agent in charge of spying on mrvette is on long term mental health leave. Try though he might, he was unable to decrypt Gene's coded language. It eventually drove the NSA dude crazy.
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Old 03-10-2017, 5:55pm   #5
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gal calls tech support, complains that she can't get on the internet.

ok, try entering google.com

nope, nothing.

you are spelling it correctly?

yes.

you have . c o m at the end?

yes.

you sure?

well, my M is stuck, so i typed N twice, isn't that the same thing?

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Old 03-10-2017, 7:52pm   #6
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https://www.chroniclesofgeorge.com/tickets1.html

If you're in IT at all, this site will, well read for yourself
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Old 03-11-2017, 2:29am   #7
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I was helping a coworker look for a file the other day and said "type .xlxs in the search field" so we could find all the excel files on the desktop. As she typed "dotxl" and suddenly stopped, we both busted out laughing
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Old 03-11-2017, 9:10am   #8
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The website is down #4

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Old 03-11-2017, 1:40pm   #9
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Old 03-11-2017, 3:48pm   #10
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Quote:
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Summation: Fukk me? No, fukk you.
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Old 03-11-2017, 4:45pm   #11
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I liked my old desktop better than my laptop because it had a cup holder that would pop right out of it.
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Old 03-11-2017, 6:58pm   #12
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Quote:
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five dots.
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Old 03-11-2017, 7:06pm   #13
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