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Old 10-18-2020, 12:15pm   #1
04 commemorative
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Tools and their uses
DRILL PRESS : A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL : Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh*t'

DROP SAW : A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS : Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER : An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW : One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS : Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH : Used almost entirely for lighting on fire various flammable objects in your shop. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race..

TABLE SAW : A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK : Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

BAND SAW : A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST : A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER : Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER : A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

PRY BAR : A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER : A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER : Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

UTILITY KNIFE : Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

ADJUSTABLE WRENCH: aka "Another hammer", aka "the Swedish Nut Lathe", aka "Crescent Wrench". Commonly used as a one size fits all wrench, usually results in rounding off nut heads before the use of pliers. Will randomly adjust size between bolts, resulting in busted buckles, curse words, and multiple threats to any inanimate objects within the immediate vicinity.

Son of a bitch TOOL : Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a b*tch' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need

ALLEN WRENCH: collectible tool that comes in the installation kit with many home improvement projects. Yet when looking for the right size to tighten older projects that became wobbly is never the size you should have saved.
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Old 10-18-2020, 12:46pm   #2
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Old 10-18-2020, 1:11pm   #3
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Old 10-18-2020, 2:12pm   #4
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Old 10-18-2020, 2:43pm   #5
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Think we should add fingertip remover to the belt sander...
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Old 10-18-2020, 3:19pm   #6
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__________________
2004 M6 MSG
AMR forged 416
10.61 @ 133.24
11.22 @ 128 street tires old motor
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BCDpFvbMLCM
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Old 10-18-2020, 3:27pm   #7
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i have most of those in my shop. but no welding related tools....
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Old 10-18-2020, 4:46pm   #8
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I have all of them and yes to all uses.
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Old 10-18-2020, 5:57pm   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rodnok1 View Post
Think we should add fingertip remover to the belt sander...
To be fair, a lot of that stuff can obliterate fingerprints....the torch, for example.
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Old 10-19-2020, 7:12am   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bill_daniels View Post
To be fair, a lot of that stuff can obliterate fingerprints....the torch, for example.
The table saw deleted one of my grandfather's finger tips, like up to the first knuckle deleted.
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Old 10-19-2020, 7:19am   #11
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Old 10-19-2020, 7:41am   #12
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Old 10-19-2020, 10:04am   #13
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Few people know that there is a strong magnetic field under each vehicle that draws a dropped socket to the exact center of the car when it hits the driveway.
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