Divorce coming near an end.

[snide]

Originally Posted by dvarapala

Just curious: Did any of you divorced guys have an amicable divorce? Maybe even use mediation instead of hiring lawyers and going to court?

When my ex-wife and I divorced, we tried to use a mediator. Didn't work. The ex had made up a story that I cheated on her, so she was already hating me at that time. Did I mention that she had made up that story? She was pissed at me because of her lie. So the mediation didn't work. Honestly, I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if she was already sleeping with someone else at that point.

To this day, I have absolutely nothing to say to her. If she was on fire, I wouldn't piss on her to put out the flames. Sucks that my 16 year old son is caught in the middle, but she burned every bridge there was.

[dwjz06]

Originally Posted by Giraffe

Here's what I've found about financial security - some people really don't give a shit. They're happy with gigantic car payments, maxed out credit cards, no savings, no nothing. The things that would keep me awake all night don't impact them at all.

I took a swift kick in the balls during my divorce last year and spent more than a couple months in a bad place mentally and financially. Getting divorced at 58 ain't for the weak. One big hang up was my age. At 40 you've got 20+ years to get back on your feet. At almost 60 your earning power is substantially less. (This is why I asked the OP upthread how old he was)

I think there's a happy medium between constantly worrying about money and not giving a flying **** about it.

Yeah this. It has not been easy at all, and now to have half of your money going into the coming retirement years does not look good at all.

Originally Posted by dvarapala

Just curious: Did any of you divorced guys have an amicable divorce? Maybe even use mediation instead of hiring lawyers and going to court?

Yes on mediation. Not amicable, but it does not matter. The State you're in holds many cards as to how things will go. It is all about the ladies, and what they need or want.

Originally Posted by snide

When my ex-wife and I divorced, we tried to use a mediator. Didn't work. The ex had made up a story that I cheated on her, so she was already hating me at that time. Did I mention that she had made up that story? She was pissed at me because of her lie. So the mediation didn't work. Honestly, I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if she was already sleeping with someone else at that point.

To this day, I have absolutely nothing to say to her. If she was on fire, I wouldn't piss on her to put out the flames. Sucks that my 16 year old son is caught in the middle, but she burned every bridge there was.

Same as your son. This was the same thing with my daughter for a small time. It is a shame she was put in the middle by her mother. She is an adult now, but it cost us some closeness, and some hurt feelings both ways.

[SteelCityBlue]

Originally Posted by The_Dude

Sorry man. My financial advisor told me to never get divorced.

I had a different advisor. He told me to NEVER get married.

[dwjz06]

Originally Posted by SteelCityBlue

I had a different advisor. He told me to NEVER get married.

Smart advisor

[Aerovette]

This makes me think of something. Maybe mediation should take place BEFORE the marriage. Like an officiated pre-nup that goes in to record with the courthouse.

Cover:
Finances
Responsibilities
Children
In-laws
etc.

NO TAKE BACKS !

[The_Dude]

Originally Posted by SteelCityBlue

I had a different advisor. He told me to NEVER get married.

I should have found that one a few decades ago

[the new me]

Originally Posted by aerovette

This makes me think of something. Maybe mediation should take place BEFORE the marriage. Like an officiated pre-nup that goes in to record with the courthouse.

Cover:
Finances
Responsibilities
Children
In-laws
etc.

NO TAKE BACKS !

Best mediation and best prenup: Total lack of marriage license. Oh -- and don't live in a common-law marriage state.

It has worked for me for decades.

I've paid some of them to leave, but I've never been forced to pay any of them to leave -- or to stay away.

For those who need to double-check whether you're screwed you live in a common law marriage state and and have stumbled over the line into the inner circle of hell:
https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclope...hapter2-4.html

If you do happen to be common-law married, there is no such thing as a common-law divorce per this article from which says you have to get a real divorce:
https://www.npr.org/2016/09/04/48782...ears-of-dating

And no offense against those who claim to be happily married. I claim to envy you but I'm not a betting man.

[snide]

Originally Posted by The_Dude

I should have found that one a few decades ago

At least your wife works.

[snide]

Originally Posted by the new me

And no offense against those who claim to be happily married. I claim to envy you but I'm not a betting man.

If the two richest men in the world can't make their wives happy, no ****ing way you can either.

[Datawiz]

Originally Posted by snide

When my ex-wife and I divorced, we tried to use a mediator. Didn't work. The ex had made up a story that I cheated on her, so she was already hating me at that time. Did I mention that she had made up that story? She was pissed at me because of her lie. So the mediation didn't work. Honestly, I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if she was already sleeping with someone else at that point.

To this day, I have absolutely nothing to say to her. If she was on fire, I wouldn't piss on her to put out the flames. Sucks that my 16 year old son is caught in the middle, but she burned every bridge there was.

Understood. Been in your household, and even met the ex. Don't wish that on anyone.

[the new me]

Originally Posted by snide

If the two richest men in the world can't make their wives happy, no ****ing way you can either.

I don't even want to make their wives happy.

[Giraffe (He/Him)]

Originally Posted by the new me

Oh -- and don't live in a common-law marriage state.

Minnesota isn't a common-law state but in many cases -like mine- it's irrelevant.

Lemme tell you how it went. We were married for 7 years but she lived here 13 years prior to our wedding. Because this isn't a common-law state you'd THINK she was only entitled to 7 years of equity in the property right? That's what I thought too.

My attorney informed me you won't find a judge in the lower 48 that won't say she's entitled to 50% of the equity for the duration of her time there - all 21 years. All she's gotta do is prove she contributed to the household finances. And that's simple enough, we'd had a joint account for the entire 21 years.

Not only that, the value of the house increased 170% from when she moved in, until the appraisal that was required for the refi so I could pay her off.

Don't bank on common-law saving your ass. Trust me.

[the new me]

Originally Posted by Giraffe

Minnesota isn't a common-law state but in many cases -like mine- it's irrelevant.

Lemme tell you how it went. We were married for 7 years but she lived here 13 years prior to our wedding. Because this isn't a common-law state you'd THINK she was only entitled to 7 years of equity in the property right? That's what I thought too.

My attorney informed me you won't find a judge in the lower 48 that won't say she's entitled to 50% of the equity for the duration of her time there - all 21 years. All she's gotta do is prove she contributed to the household finances. And that's simple enough, we'd had a joint account for the entire 21 years.

Not only that, the value of the house increased 170% from when she moved in, until the appraisal that was required for the refi so I could pay her off.

Don't bank on common-law saving your ass. Trust me.

I've tempted fate with live-ins several times, but after the last one ended 9 years ago I took the pledge. No more cohabitation. It's great when she has her place and you have yours. I don't give them a key either, nor do I accept one from them. I tell them part of the pleasure of this arrangement is that we always know we're together because we want to be together, not because we're stuck being together. And breaking up is nice and easy. "Just throw my toothbrush away, if you don't mind."

[Aerovette]

It will never happen, but if pigs fly and a UFO lands in my yard, and I should face marriage again, the woman will have her own money and I'll have mine. We will have a prenup without a doubt. Any woman who won't sign it, won't get the ring. Period.

[dwjz06]

Originally Posted by datawiz

Understood. Been in your household, and even met the ex. Don't wish that on anyone.

Wow Craig what a nice way of saying you made a lousy choice and your spouse sucks. Sorry Alan You know I know the deal. The whole deal sucks no matter what.

Originally Posted by aerovette

It will never happen, but if pigs fly and a UFO lands in my yard, and I should face marriage again, the woman will have her own money and I'll have mine. We will have a prenup without a doubt. Any woman who won't sign it, won't get the ring. Period.

Will not marry again. Juice not worth the squeeze.

[snide]

Originally Posted by datawiz

Understood. Been in your household, and even met the ex. Don't wish that on anyone.

Originally Posted by dwjz06

Wow Craig what a nice way of saying you made a lousy choice and your spouse sucks. Sorry AlanYou know I know the deal. The whole deal sucks no matter what.

Will not marry again. Juice not worth the squeeze.

Yes, I chose poorly. Shit happens. And I will never get married again.

[dwjz06]

Originally Posted by snide

Yes, I chose poorly. Shit happens. And I will never get married again.

well there are a lot of us evidently so maybe it is not always about choice huh? I believe in the chit happens theory or the people fuggin change with no warning theory. 2x was enough for me.

[mrvette]

Originally Posted by snide

Yes, I chose poorly. Shit happens. And I will never get married again.

Well, me being an average guy, in the DC region, I married way UP in the econ scales....and both of them dumped me, first one never remarried, second one we had two kids, and so she moved out, and she got the house, and I suck around for the kids sake for almost ten years....then moved south here to Floriduh, and met up with the PURRFECT woman......

married longer than the entire year/month counts TOTAL of the first two EX's....

Third time is a home run......