Get in here and entertain my ass, will ya?

[JRD77VET]

A pirate walks into the bar with a ship's wheel hanging from the front of his pants.

He orders a rum and drinks it. The bartender is really curious about the ship's wheel but doesn't say anything.

After the pirate has his fourth rum, the bartender just has to know.

He asks the pirate What's with the ship's wheel hanging from the front of your pants?

The pirate says ARRRGGHHH, it's driving me nuts

[MEANZ06]

Originally Posted by wwomanC6

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy.
He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer
from New York and is certain that he has a better education then any
cop from Houston. He decides to prove this to himself and have some
fun at the deputy's expense.

Deputy says, "License and registration, please." Lawyer says, "What
for?"
Deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign"
Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming." Deputy says, "You
still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration,
please." Lawyer says, "What's the difference?" Deputy says, "The
difference is, you have to come to a complete stop, that's the law.
License and registration, please!" Lawyer says, "If you can show me
the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my
license and registration; and you give me the ticket. If not, you let
me go and don't give me the ticket."

Deputy says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir."

At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating
the ever-loving crap out of the lawyer and says, "Do you want me to
stop or just slow down?"

awesome!!!

[LilRedCorvette]

Originally Posted by Rotorhead

Cute Girl at the Gym Video

Originally Posted by prseasix

YouTube - Alizée HD - J'en Ai Marre On Tubes - WOW World Of Warcraft Night Elf Female Dance

Somehow I think this will be more entertaining for the guys on this forum...

[jeff w]

Confuscious say: Baseball wrong. Man with four balls can not walk.
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
Man who jizz into cash register come into money.

[carlton_fritz]

Originally Posted by LilRedCorvette

Somehow I think this will be more entertaining for the guys on this forum...

What about the video I posted?

[wwomanC6]

Your Gonna Smile

1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?

Unique Up On It.

2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?

Tame Way.

3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?

They Take The Psycho Path

4. How Do You Get Holy Water?

You Boil The Hell Out Of It (I love that one!)

5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?

Dam!

6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?

Polaroid's

7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?

A Stick

8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?

Nacho
Cheese.

9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?

Subordinate Clauses.

10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?

Quattro Sinko.

11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?

Spoiled Milk.

12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a
Vampire?

Frostbite.

13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And
Twitches?

A Nervous Wreck.

14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea
Soup?

Anyone Can Roast Beef.

15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?

Right Where You Left Him. (sick)

16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?

Because They Have Big Fingers .

17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?

Because It Scares The Dog.

18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?

Sanka.

19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover?!

The Location Of The Dirt Bag.

20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?

Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.

21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a
Bad Skydiver?

A Bad
Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang! (Sneaks ) jk

A Bad
Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack .

22. How Are a Texas
Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce
The Same?

Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer


Now, admit it. At least one of
these made you smile

Hope you feel better soon Laurie!

[JRD77VET]

YouTube - Muppet Show - Mahna Mahna Original

[wwomanC6]

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = No

2. No = Yes

3. Maybe = No

4. We need = I want

5. I am sorry = You'll be sorry

6. We need to talk = You're in trouble

7. Sure, go ahead = You better not

8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later

9. I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, you moron!

10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?


MEN'S ENGLISH:

1. I am hungry = I am hungry

2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy

3. I am tired = I am tired

4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!

5. I love you = Let's have sex now

6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?

7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.

8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.

9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.

10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you.

11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay

[LilRedCorvette]

Originally Posted by JRD77VET

YouTube - Muppet Show - Mahna Mahna Original

I loved that show

[wwomanC6]

Gotta love little boys

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a
box of Tampax and proceeded to the checkout counter.


The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how
old are you?"


"Eight," the boy replied.


The man continued, "Do you know how these are
used?"


The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for
me. They are for him. He's my little brother. He's four. We saw on
TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim and ride a bike.
He can't do either one.

[LilRedCorvette]

Wendy with the jokes

[Cybercowboy]

Two 70-year-old guys were out golfing. One of them hit yet another ball into the deep rough. Working his way through briers and small trees, Bob found his ball sitting on a lily pad next to a frog. While reaching for his ball, the the frog suddenly started to speak:

"If you rub my back three times I will bestow upon you any a gift of any sexual desire you wish until the next full moon."

Bob puts the frog into his golf bag. About a month later the frog is screaming "Hey! What's the deal?"

Bob says "Eh, at my age, I'm just sticking with the talking frog."

(this is a joke I've heard a few times and this is how I'm telling it tonight...)

[Aerovette]

YouTube - Chocolate Ice Cream

[Kerrmudgeon]

I always remember this Muppets skit.......

YouTube - Classic Sesame Street - Yip Yip aliens discover a radio

[Sneaks]

Originally Posted by wwomanC6

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = No

2. No = Yes

3. Maybe = No

4. We need = I want

5. I am sorry = You'll be sorry

6. We need to talk = You're in trouble

7. Sure, go ahead = You better not

8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later

9. I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, you moron!

10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?


MEN'S ENGLISH:

1. I am hungry = I am hungry

2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy

3. I am tired = I am tired

4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!

5. I love you = Let's have sex now

6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?

7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.

8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.

9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.

10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you.

11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay

3:00 in the morning, and I'm bored.

[Sea Six]

Originally Posted by Kerrmudgeon

I always remember this Muppets skit.......
YouTube - Classic Sesame Street - Yip Yip aliens discover a radio

That gets me every time.

[Scissors]

[jeff w]

A father and son were walking out of a pharmacy when they passed the condom rack. "What's this for dad?" the son asks pointing at a 3 pack of condoms. "Well son, that is for the single man. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday." The son then points to a 6 pack and asks the same question. "That is for the college man. Two for Friday, two for Saturday, and two for Sunday." Lastly the son points to the 12 pack of condoms and asks his dad the same question. "Son, that is for the married man. One for January, one for February, one for March........."

[jaxgator]

YouTube - Animusic - Pipe Dreams

[LilRedCorvette]

Originally Posted by Kerrmudgeon

I always remember this Muppets skit.......
YouTube - Classic Sesame Street - Yip Yip aliens discover a radio

Originally Posted by Scissors