Deep thoughts from a retired man

[Wathen1955]

After vacuuming and mopping the house today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer. The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.

My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing, and I said, "Nothing."

She then said, "That's what you did yesterday!"

I replied, "I WASN'T DONE, SO I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF FINISHING RIGHT NOW."

The reason I said "nothing" instead of saying "just thinking" is because she then would have asked, "About what?" At that point I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions.

Finally I pondered an age old question: "Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?" Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they know?

Well, after another beer, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question. Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby, and even though I obviously couldn't really know, here is the reason for my conclusion. A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."

On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."

I rest my case. Time for another beer, and then maybe a nap!

[MrPeabody]

Tip from someone who retired about ten years ago:

Find some volunteer work to do, even if only a few hours a week. You have skills and talent that some worthy group could use. Or, if you're like me, you may discover talents you never knew you had. I hated hospitals, and I hated dealing with the public. And yet that's what I do at the hospital about six hours a week. They get letters from people saying what a good job I do.

And you will realize that 90% of the stress of a job is about the money. When will I get my next raise? I've been here longer than him, why does he make more than me? What would I do if I got laid off?

When you volunteer all that bullshit goes away, to the point that you don't even consider it to be work. And I never would have believed I would gladly get up at 4:00 AM one day a week to do it.

[Mike Mercury]

a guys wife wife called him on the intercom, and in a nagging/sarcastic voice asked:
"Just what are you doing now? "

And in a matter-of-fact response he said:
"I'm playing a game on the computer" (and under his breath he thought "what a bitch!" )

So then he promptly asked her a question:
"Hey... do you by any chance smell something in the house?"

She said:
"... no, not really"

he said:
"well then... start cooking !"

[DAB]

man is rich in proportion to the number of things he can afford to leave alone.