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Old 04-26-2021, 7:55am   #21
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Buddy must be the lawyer they are always the ones that make out in the deal.

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Old 04-26-2021, 8:44am   #22
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Just when I think things are about to be over, my soon to be ex hits me with something else. Here is a little background. I gave up an active duty career so she could finish her masters and have HER career. Our marriage was never great, but I suffered through it for way too many years. We have a house that was (almost) paid for. Behind my back, she ran up 42k in credit card debt. So trying to do what I thought was the right thing, I let her get a home equity loan on said amount. I'm not on the loan, but had to sign because I was on the deed.

I also agreed to give her $750 a month in child support and we will have joint custody. My youngest son is 17. I also agreed to give her the house and the rest of the equity. Roughly 50-70k and the furniture. Also, take in mind that she makes more money than me. I also agreed to give her 30% of my .mil retirement, and this morning, she says she wants 50%. I just sort of wanted to take my stuff and leave, but she keeps wanting to gut me. I already agreed to sign off on taking me off the deed, and giving her the house, but this is a deal breaker. The finance company is badgering me, but I have not signed any paperwork. I have also continued to pay her car insurance, but that ends as of today. I may have been one shitty husband, but no way in hell do I deserve what she is trying to put me through. I am about to the end of my rope...
Went through the same thing. Someone got in and told her it is about cash and prizes. F that. You need to look at the new enemy. You were being used. It is not about love. Best of luck sir. I am almost done. Two more months
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Old 04-26-2021, 9:10am   #23
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Old 04-26-2021, 9:32am   #24
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Ugh.... this brought up painful memories of mine.. Good luck sir...
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Old 04-26-2021, 9:44am   #25
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Old 04-26-2021, 9:51am   #26
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I don't know how he does it, but my brother came through his first divorce pretty much unscathed, and divorce #2 is looking the same.

He's separated from the second, and she doesn't want anything.

I can't decide if he's lucky or unlucky.
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Old 04-26-2021, 10:13am   #27
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Stop being the nice guy and fight back. She obviously doesn’t give a shit about you.
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Old 04-26-2021, 10:41am   #28
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Stop being the nice guy and fight back. She obviously doesn’t give a shit about you.
I was never anything more than supplemental income.
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Old 04-26-2021, 10:48am   #29
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I don't know how he does it, but my brother came through his first divorce pretty much unscathed, and divorce #2 is looking the same.

He's separated from the second, and she doesn't want anything.

I can't decide if he's lucky or unlucky.
I would say lucky as most of my friends and myself were raped in the process. I can tell you he is a dumb azz if he does it a third time.
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Old 04-26-2021, 10:48am   #30
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Old 04-26-2021, 10:53am   #31
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Yup,scorched earth time and if your lawyer is a ***** fire him and find a bull dog.
.

This may be the way to go. 50% or your retirement is bullsh*t.
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Old 04-26-2021, 11:01am   #32
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I met with a financial advisor to evaluate my retirement savings. He said that, other than not saving, nothing ****s with your retirement more than a divorce.
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Old 04-26-2021, 11:13am   #33
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Yes, I am on the hook for her debt also. I never thought it possible to loathe a person as much as I do her. Plus there is still 50-70k of equity in the house that she is getting. I have never once threatened to mess with her teacher retirement and investments. I guess enough isn't enough. And yes, I realize that everything I sacrificed is for naught.
Hence my earlier point. Go absolutely sideways on her. Have the lawyer tell her EVERYTHING needs to be renegotiated ASAP. EVERY demand from her MUST be met with a resounding "NO!". In addition, go after every penny she has. Make sure she notices you don't care if it hurts her the rest of her life. Burn her to the ground, make her angry at the lawyer for not closing the deal. Then she'll start giving up ground just to get it over with. Fight fire with much bigger fire.

(BTW- Had a very sneaky person who worked with the public once tell me that no matter what a customer wants, reasonable or not, he always gave them a loud "NO" and walked away as if the conversation was done. Then he would force them to kiss his ass until he could give up the smallest thing possible and they stopped pushing because any concession felt like they won. Sneaky bastard. I have many times proven his advice was good since).
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Old 04-26-2021, 11:16am   #34
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I met with a financial advisor to evaluate my retirement savings. He said that, other than not saving, nothing ****s with your retirement more than a divorce.
yep watched 50% of mine walk away don’t ever believe it is cheaper to keep her, and don’t believe that bull shit happy wife happy life crap. Bottom line is don’t let anyone control half of your chit or life for that matter. 2 things can change your life for good. I am not happy, I changed my mind. i do not want to be married anymore.
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Old 04-26-2021, 11:18am   #35
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Retirement accounts are dicey. But here’s the thing; you can’t compartmentalize *just* retirement funds. There’s home equity, assets, savings, automobile value, any and all debt, holy **** it’s endless.

This shit is pretty fresh in my head as I just went through it all less than a year ago.

OP, keep an eye on your attorney’s billing also. Typically it looks like this; you’ll pay a retainer, let’s say $4k. The lawyer will bill you hourly (or even smaller increments) for his services. When the retainer is eaten up he’ll start billing you hourly. (Or smaller) At some point you’re probably going to see a an hour or two at a much higher rate. That’s most likely a partner looking at the associates work. Like a peer review.

Answer ALL correspondences ASAP. If they have to send you a reminder or a “Where we at with this document?” email? You’ll be billed. Document EVERY ****in’ thing and understand it to the best of your ability. Some of it is complicated, mine was.
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Old 04-26-2021, 11:35am   #36
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Just when I think things are about to be over, my soon to be ex hits me with something else. Here is a little background. I gave up an active duty career so she could finish her masters and have HER career. Our marriage was never great, but I suffered through it for way too many years. We have a house that was (almost) paid for. Behind my back, she ran up 42k in credit card debt. So trying to do what I thought was the right thing, I let her get a home equity loan on said amount. I'm not on the loan, but had to sign because I was on the deed.

I also agreed to give her $750 a month in child support and we will have joint custody. My youngest son is 17. I also agreed to give her the house and the rest of the equity. Roughly 50-70k and the furniture. Also, take in mind that she makes more money than me. I also agreed to give her 30% of my .mil retirement, and this morning, she says she wants 50%. I just sort of wanted to take my stuff and leave, but she keeps wanting to gut me. I already agreed to sign off on taking me off the deed, and giving her the house, but this is a deal breaker. The finance company is badgering me, but I have not signed any paperwork. I have also continued to pay her car insurance, but that ends as of today. I may have been one shitty husband, but no way in hell do I deserve what she is trying to put me through. I am about to the end of my rope...
HAte to say this, but if you were married for 10+ years while on AD, then she IS entitled to 50% of your retirement and nothing more. It's pro-rated for anything less than 10%

And if you do get disability through the Va, she is not entitled to any of that by law, too.
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Old 04-26-2021, 11:53am   #37
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I was never anything more than supplemental income.
Sorry to hear that. You got to fight Man.
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Old 04-26-2021, 11:54am   #38
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Always protect yourself. Getting bent over a barrel is the WRONG approach to this. Be viciously calm and calculating. You don't owe her shit. The government says you do. Your fight is NOT with her...it's with the GOV'T. Never give an INCH. The court system is going to sock it to you anyways...no reason to "give" her any more than that.
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Old 04-26-2021, 12:01pm   #39
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And oh yeah - Some of her demands may be coming from her lawyer.

Example. My ex makes $80k/year. When I was served one demand was maintenance. I went into ****in’ orbit as you can imagine. Come to find out her lawyer was the one that recommended that, not her. Her attorney is in the hours billed business. She doesn’t give a shit about negotiating in good faith. Ain’t no money in that.
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Old 04-26-2021, 12:33pm   #40
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So glad I never got married...........
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