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Old 08-04-2020, 12:53pm   #21
thecornerman
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Philosophy of Sex









"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."

Tom Clancy









"You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither."

Steve Martin









"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."

Woody Allen









"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."

Rodney Dangerfield









"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL."

Lynn Lavner









"Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the taxidermist."

Matt Barry









"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."

George Burns









"Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant."

George Burns









"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."

Sharon Stone









"My girlfriend always laughs during sex -- no matter what she's reading."

Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computers)









"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."

Jack Nicholson









" Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."

--Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady - and you didn't think Barbara had a sense of humor !)









"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."

Robin Williams









"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."

Roseanne









"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."

Billy Crystal









"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."

Robert De Niro









"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"

Dustin Hoffman









"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked. "

Jerry Seinfeld









"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."

Rod Stewart









"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, but only enough blood to run one at a time."

Robin Williams
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Old 08-05-2020, 8:19pm   #22
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Other colors to think about
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Old 08-05-2020, 8:21pm   #23
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Lol
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Old 08-05-2020, 8:22pm   #24
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.
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Old 08-06-2020, 11:34am   #25
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Wishing Well
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Old 08-06-2020, 8:27pm   #26
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A man enters an elevator in an office building

A pretty blonde young lady was already inside and she greeted him by saying,

"T-G-I-F"


He smiled at her and replied,

"S-H-I-T"


She looked at him puzzled, and said,

"T-G-I-F," again


He again answered,

"S-H-I-T"


The blond was trying to be friendly,

So she smiled her biggest smile and said as sweetly as possible,

"Don't you get it?

T-G-I-F. Thank Goodness It's Friday.


The man smiled, nodded and answered,

"Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday."
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Old 08-07-2020, 12:56pm   #27
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A husband says lovengly to his wife,"Darling,let's swap positions tonight."

"Great idea!" the wife replies.
"Tonight,you stand in front of the sink and do the dishes, and I'll sit in front of the TV
and fart!"

----------------------------------------------------------

Marriage is like going to a restaurant. You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.

----------------------------------------------------------

There was this man who walked into a bar and says to the bartender 10 shots of whiskey.
The bartender asks, "What's the matter?"
The man says, "I found out my brother is gay and marrying my best friend."
The next day the same man comes in and orders 12 shots of whiskey.
The bartenders asks, "What's wrong this time?"
The man says, "I found out that my son is gay."
The next day the same man comes in the bar and orders 15 shots of whiskey.
Then the bartender asks, "Doesn't anyone in your family like women?"
The man looks up and says, "Apparently my wife does."

---------------------------------------------------------

A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out.
As he walked to the door she yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death."
He turned around and said, "So, you want me to stay?"

-------------------------------------------------------------

A policeman on a motorcycle pulls over a car.
‘What’s up?’ says the driver.
‘Your wife fell out the passenger door three miles back,’ says the policeman.
‘Thank goodness for that,’ says the driver. ‘I thought I’d gone deaf.’
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Old 08-10-2020, 8:22pm   #28
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Pretending to be married



A man and a woman, who have never met before

find themselves in the same carriage of a train

After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep

the woman in the top bunk, the man on the lower

In the middle of the might, the woman leans over and says

“ I’m sorry to bother you

but I’m awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket?”

The man leans over and, with a glint in his eye says

“I’ve got an idea…. lets pretend we are married.”

“Why not” giggles the woman

‘Good” he replies

“Get your own blanket”
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