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Old 09-18-2019, 07:32am   #1
Broken Wind
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Yawn I will NEVER go into assisted living

I spent a good bit of last week with my parents in their assisted living facility in another state. I can't think of a more depressing way to live out one's life.

My parents, dad especially, needs this level of attention and care. I wish they didn't have to be there, but there is no other option. From what I have observed, I will never subject myself to that.

This is not a low-end place. It looks like a country club (in fact, it is situated adjacent to one). It costs around $10K/mo for them to be there.

Like most staffs, there is good and not so good. The lower paid employees generally don't give a shit and they don't take pains to hide that fact (or their prison tattoos) from anyone.

I ate meals with my parents in the dining room. From their table, you could see everyone arriving at the dining room from the hallway. It was a depressing sight to see. It's a long parade of elderly people, 90+% of which are using a walker, and many of them have great difficulty walking even with that.

You get the sense that everyone there is simply waiting to die. And I suppose that's true. **** that. I'm not going to go like that.

On a more positive note, there is a 100 yr old lady there who shares a dining table with Mom and Dad. She is a lovely, sweet lady who appears to still be sharp mentally. We discovered that we had traveled to some of the same countries and I had the privilege of sharing memories with her.

I have no idea what i did to get that fkng yawning smilie in the title.
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Old 09-18-2019, 08:10am   #2
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You clicked on the yawning smilie when you made your post.



And yeah, I don't want to spend my final years in a "warehouse", waiting to die. We have our pets put down when their quality of life ceases, because it is the "humane" thing to do. Why can't we do the same with humans?
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Old 09-18-2019, 08:39am   #3
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it use to be that aging people still lived with their adult children; and were taken care of by family.

My neighbor (who had no children) had assisted living, but not at a facility; instead he had in-home help. Much better; he was at-home up until the day he passed.
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Old 09-18-2019, 09:16am   #4
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Guy across the street about 4 months ago, found dead on the bathroom floor age 83, neighbor had a key and so alerted everyone.....

my sis is 88, decent shape.....wife's mom and aunt are 89 and 87, and in fact are about totally out of it.....her mother is a real pain, vomited up dinner at ~2am this morning, wife up all night, basically, and out running around now...11am......wife is 67...poor kid needs a break from this damn ten year treadmill.....

My Dad fell over in the living room at home with Mom, he passed on at 79 in the hospital.....Mom lingered on till 94 in a nursing home for some 6 years....not knowing anyONE or anything......

"I"m age 75 and so......................
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Old 09-18-2019, 09:33am   #5
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My problem with at home health care is that there are no witnesses. My grandmother had set it up for herself because it sounds like the perfect solution. Fortunately, my she was living with my parents when she needed to use it. My mother was bed-ridden at the time and couldn't take care of my grandmother who had late stage Alzheimer's. They were able to see how she was treated, even with them there! They went through over a dozen caretakers before they found one that was kind and trustworthy. Had she been alone, who knows what would have happened to her.
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Old 09-18-2019, 09:34am   #6
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Dementia/Alzheimer's/other cognitive destroying conditions are particularly cruel and sad. If/when that starts for me, I'll get my affairs in order and blow my brains out if Texas hasn't legalized assisted suicide by then. If we have gone full socialist by that time and President Beto has confiscated my gun (at the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico, BTW), I'll drive my motorcycle into a bridge abutment at 100mph without a helmet.

Currently taking care of an elderly relative, and I am happy to do so, and will do so as long as I can physically take care of that relative. It's an obligation that is sad, and yet rewarding, all at the same time. I watched others do it, now it's my turn.
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Old 09-18-2019, 10:13am   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Barn Babe View Post
My problem with at home health care is that there are no witnesses. My grandmother had set it up for herself because it sounds like the perfect solution. Fortunately, my she was living with my parents when she needed to use it. My mother was bed-ridden at the time and couldn't take care of my grandmother who had late stage Alzheimer's. They were able to see how she was treated, even with them there! They went through over a dozen caretakers before they found one that was kind and trustworthy. Had she been alone, who knows what would have happened to her.
My mother has a severe respiratory disease and occasionally has significant mental status changes due to poor oxygenation and/or urinary tract infections. There are times when when needs a caregiver but absolutely hates being hovered over, by either her family or hired personnel. Dad is in good enough shape that he can take care of her when he's home as long as no lifting is needed. Gonna be challenging the next time we have a downturn for sure.
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Old 09-18-2019, 10:30am   #8
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I have assured my grandchildren that I plan to live long enough to become a bad odor in their spare bedroom.

They swear they will always take care of me but they are usually very drunk when they say that.
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Old 09-18-2019, 11:25am   #9
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My Grandmother is 100 and in one of those facilities. She is still sharp as a tack and enjoys being there since she has the day to day care she needs. She has family come visit at least once a week. I really wish she was closer to me so I could take the kids to see her more often but being down in S Georgia it is hard for us to get down there with little ones that don't like long car rides.

I do send her pics in the mail and call her on occasion to chat. She still calls the other people there "old" when she is the second oldest person in that facility.
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Old 09-18-2019, 12:32pm   #10
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My 98 year old MIL is in a complex near us. We had to move her from her house, about 45 miles away to 6 miles. She is still in independent living, but her Alzheimer's is progressing. We do have a person in to get her up and get her breakfast, and then come back and get her downstairs for dinner. So far, she is happy where she is, but she may end up in assisted living soon.
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Old 09-18-2019, 01:49pm   #11
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My parents are ten minutes away from my sister. I知 ten hours.

I知 not crazy about them being where they are, but this was a family discussion and decision. My parents, especially my mom, insisted they would not be a burden to their children. When they were living independently, they were geographically in the middle between me and my sister, but five hours from either. THAT was a burden. If something happened, neither of us could get there quickly.

My parents took in and cared for both of my grandfathers. One of them actually passed away in their house. I think those experiences informed my mom痴 desires.

The suckage is significant.
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Old 09-18-2019, 01:52pm   #12
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My mom is 87 and in one and thriving. Much more intellectual contact than when she was trapped in her apartment due to mobility issues. I'm sure it's all about location and specific facility.
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Old 09-18-2019, 02:52pm   #13
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My MIL has made it perfectly clear no family members would take care of her so she will goto a home. Well she was in a rehab for 6 weeks last year and went off the rails completely. She has a thing about anyone seeing her in any state of being unclothed including her feet even. When left alone for 2 weeks she well... Lost her marbles and has really came back. The next trip will be short as she can't handle it.
The live out of state and I offered to stay with them when the time comes they need help but they have refused up front. I had warned everyone there what would happen as she's unstable/paranoid anyway but they didn't listen and bad shit happened. They had drugged her out of her gourd when I went back to see her.
So help has been offered and refused unfortunately for them. For me I'm low maintenance to begin with so as long as I'm not completely gone upstairs I'll be staying at home.
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Old 09-18-2019, 08:52pm   #14
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Worked in one when I was a kid. I知 never going to. I値l end it first and my mom isn稚 either. She will live with us and drive us nuts when the time comes and I値l treasure that time while trying not to slap the shit out of her.
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Old 09-19-2019, 12:53am   #15
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I just HATE seeing what her mother is doing to my wife, the wear and tear is krazy and I just really burnt out with witnessing it....only thing I can manage to do is share a smirk and some short comments.....which the wife seems to appreciate, but it's really difficult to be here in the living room with them, I maybe trying to listen to the TV, but with wife shouting the same shit time and time after time yet again, it's exASSperating.....to say the least.....


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Old 09-19-2019, 05:51am   #16
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I went through this same exact thing with both my parents. My father just passed a few months back, he was 95. It is THE MOST DEPRESSING thing to see in the world.

U.M.

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