Long exhausting six months…… firsts vs lasts

[MEC5LADY]

As many of you are aware, my Dad had been suffering from dementia for some time and I have been helping my Mom take care of him. He was admitted to the VA hospital on May 2 then transferred to their palliative care ward a week later. He was a strong willed man and wanted no part of staying in bed and being inside. He loved being outside and spent a large portion of everyday outside. He never was a big talker so it was not a surprise to just spend time with him without him saying much. I would put him in the wheelchair and walk him for miles around the facility to the various courtyards they set up for the patients. It got me thinking about firsts vs lasts. We all get so excited about firsts i.e. first car, first smile, first kiss that we forget about the lasts. During this time I knew it was just a matter of time before my Dad would pass on and spent as much time with him as I could. I started to think about the lasts and whenever I would get him up or back into the bed I would hug him a bit longer, say I love you a few more times and try to spend every waking moment by his side. The last week of his life he slept and didn't go outside until the end when the nurses said they would help me take him outside in the bed. Although he was unresponsive I talked to him and enjoyed the warm sun, birds singing around us. After we pushed him back into his room I notice his breathing becoming more erratic and called for the Chaplain. After the Chaplain left the room my Dad peacefully took his last breath.

Cherish the firsts but don't forget to think about the lasts and live each day to the fullest. You never know what life has in store so let those who mean something to you know how you feel.

[JRD77VET]

So sorry to hear about you losing your Dad. Please accept my sincere condolences.

I'm happy that you got to spend time with your Dad at the end. I will assume it made it just that little bit easier saying goodbye.


reasoning for the wording below in white letters
My late Dad's heart was in worse shape than anyone knew. He was there one night and gone the next. No time to say the final goodbye.

[MrPeabody]

What a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. My wife went through a similar situation with her mom last year.

[simpleman68]

I'm sad to hear he had to go. I can only imagine how difficult the final days are.
My step dad is entering late stages of Alzheimers and was recently diagnosed with Parkinsons. They're not even bothering with meds for that as he will not live long enough to see any benefit.

I was wondering where you had gotten off to and figured life just got busy for you. Good to see you back around and will keep you folks in our thoughts and prayers.
Scott

[Blademaker]

May God bless and keep you and yours........

[99 pewtercoupe]

Sorry for your loss Gail.
Losing someone as close as a parent is never easy but it sounds like you at least had the gift of time to spend with him as the end neared.

[CubSmurf]

God bless you Gail. It's rough seeing them go, but you're absolutely right you need to cherish the last moments too. When my mother was diagnosed with Breast Cancer the second time I made sure to spend as much time as I could. You have my sincerest condolences!

[Dan Dlabay]

Sorry to hear this and I know what you mean as I lost my dad in 2007 to Alzheimer's. He went from strong man to nothing in his final week in Hospice. May God bless you and your dad.

[RonC5]

I am very sorry for your loss.

[Jeff '79]

Wow, I never thought of it that way, as I never had to endure the passing of a very close relative.
That was an awesome post Lady....
May your Dad rest in peace in the hands of the lord.

[Craig]

Very sorry for your loss. I pray our Father in Heaven gives you and your family peace and comfort. And that you seek Him; and that your family will gain strength from one another. May you Earthly father's memory be a blessing to all who knew him. Amen.

[NCC-1701]

Originally Posted by MEC5LADY

As many of you are aware, my Dad had been suffering from dementia for some time and I have been helping my Mom take care of him. He was admitted to the VA hospital on May 2 then transferred to their palliative care ward a week later. He was a strong willed man and wanted no part of staying in bed and being inside. He loved being outside and spent a large portion of everyday outside. He never was a big talker so it was not a surprise to just spend time with him without him saying much. I would put him in the wheelchair and walk him for miles around the facility to the various courtyards they set up for the patients. It got me thinking about firsts vs lasts. We all get so excited about firsts i.e. first car, first smile, first kiss that we forget about the lasts. During this time I knew it was just a matter of time before my Dad would pass on and spent as much time with him as I could. I started to think about the lasts and whenever I would get him up or back into the bed I would hug him a bit longer, say I love you a few more times and try to spend every waking moment by his side. The last week of his life he slept and didn't go outside until the end when the nurses said they would help me take him outside in the bed. Although he was unresponsive I talked to him and enjoyed the warm sun, birds singing around us. After we pushed him back into his room I notice his breathing becoming more erratic and called for the Chaplain. After the Chaplain left the room my Dad peacefully took his last breath.

Cherish the firsts but don't forget to think about the lasts and live each day to the fullest. You never know what life has in store so let those who mean something to you know how you feel.

and believe me he knew you were there for him and saw and heard everything you did. May he rest in peace. My condolences to you and your family ...

[lspencer534]

A beautiful remembrance, Gail. May God bless you both.

[Milton Fox]

[DukeAllen]

Prayers for you and your dad.

[LisaJohn]

I am so sorry. My mom passed away 3 years ago today and my grandmother that had dementia passed away one year ago this month. Please remember the firsts and the lasts and the good times in between. I have no words of wisdom just prayers for you.
Lisa

[MEC5LADY]

Thanks everyone. It's still so hard for me to think of him as not being here anymore. So much I could say about my Dad and what kind of man he was but it would take me months and too much bandwidth. He taught me so much and spoke volumes in what he didn't say. The hard part now is dealing with people who suddenly are coming out of the woodwork expecting handouts. Guess it's time I talk to a lawyer to see if I should be doing something to protect my Mom or just am worried for no reason.

[Skia]

May your dad have angels wings Gail. Peace to you and yours, what a wonderful memory.

[Yerf Dog]

I'm sorry for your loss.

[Marc]

My sincere condolences on the passing of your father. And thank you for a truly wonderful post, it just speaks volumes.