Pilots vs. Maintenance Personnel

[Jeff '79]

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.



Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
*
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
*
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
*
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
*
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-feet-per-minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
*
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
*
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
*
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
*
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF is always inoperative in OFF mode.
*
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
*
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
*
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
*
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics..
*
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
*
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.

[VatorMan]

[VITE1]

[Lakota]

Sorry but not correct about never having an accident. I watched most the the airline disaster series on TV. I remember seeing a UPS plane accident.

"UPS Airlines Flight 1354 was a scheduled cargo flight from Louisville International Airport to Birmingham–Shuttlesworth International Airport. On August 14, 2013, the aircraft flying this route, a UPS Airlines Airbus A300-600F, crashed and burst into flames short of the runway on approach to Birmingham–Shuttlesworth International Airport in the US state of Alabama.[1][2] Both pilots were pronounced dead at the scene of the crash. They were the only people aboard the aircraft"
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/UPS_Airlines_Flight_1354
UPS Airlines Flight 6 was a cargo flight operated by UPS Airlines. On September 3, 2010, a Boeing 747-400F flying the route between Dubai International Airport and Cologne Bonn Airport developed an in-flight fire, with the fumes and subsequent crash resulting in the death of the two crew members.[2][3] The aircraft had departed Dubai International earlier, but returned after reporting smoke in the cockpit. It was the first fatal air crash for UPS Airlines.[4] The crash caused an examination of safety procedures protecting airliners from cockpit smoke.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/UPS_Airlines_Flight_6

[bradc6]

A friend of mine is a retired UPS mechanic and he hates pilots.

[Hoog]

Originally Posted by Lakota

Sorry but not correct about never having an accident. I watched most the the airline disaster series on TV. I remember seeing a UPS plane accident.

"UPS Airlines Flight 1354 was a scheduled cargo flight from Louisville International Airport to Birmingham–Shuttlesworth International Airport. On August 14, 2013, the aircraft flying this route, a UPS Airlines Airbus A300-600F, crashed and burst into flames short of the runway on approach to Birmingham–Shuttlesworth International Airport in the US state of Alabama.[1][2] Both pilots were pronounced dead at the scene of the crash. They were the only people aboard the aircraft"
UPS Airlines Flight 1354 - Wikipedia

UPS Airlines Flight 6 was a cargo flight operated by UPS Airlines. On September 3, 2010, a Boeing 747-400F flying the route between Dubai International Airport and Cologne Bonn Airport developed an in-flight fire, with the fumes and subsequent crash resulting in the death of the two crew members.[2][3] The aircraft had departed Dubai International earlier, but returned after reporting smoke in the cockpit. It was the first fatal air crash for UPS Airlines.[4] The crash caused an examination of safety procedures protecting airliners from cockpit smoke.
UPS Airlines Flight 6 - Wikipedia

That email is older than those accidents.

[NavyC5]

Originally Posted by bradc6

A friend of mine is a retired UPS mechanic and he hates pilots.

AF maintainer humor...takes a high school education to fix what a college degree messed up

[Bill]

Originally Posted by Hoog

That email is older than those accidents.

Wiiiiillllllsssoooonnn!

[99 pewtercoupe]

I bet Wendy could add a couple of her own!

[Jeff '79]

Originally Posted by Hoog

That email is older than those accidents.

I love old things, especially antiques like you.
Ergo, the retread that some have yet to see and enjoy.

[MrPeabody]

I wish my Dad was alive so I could show him this. He was an aircraft mechanic.

Best one I ever heard from him:

Why did the airlines stop using the Lockheed Constellation?

The pilots couldn't handle three pieces of tail at the same time.

[Jeff '79]

Originally Posted by MrPeabody

I wish my Dad was alive so I could show him this. He was an aircraft mechanic.

Best one I ever heard from him:

Why did the airlines stop using the Lockheed Constellation?

The pilots couldn't handle three pieces of tail at the same time.

[wwomanC6]

Oldie but Goodie, Jeff!

Originally Posted by 99 pewtercoupe

I bet Wendy could add a couple of her own!

I saved a lot of funny stuff from when I was in the Navy - I put in it all in a binder labeled Humor Binder. The gripes and fixes above were posted in the Aviation Approach Magazine back in March 2002. I saved the article.

I just looked through the binder and found a couple of copies of actual aircraft discrepancies maf (Maintenance Action Form) that were written up on aircraft I worked on:

Note: We have to sign off a maf IAW (in accordance with) an Aircraft manual.

Discrepancy: Toilet dump handle will not dump head, acts like cable is off track.

Corrective Action: Found dump cable to be disconnected near valve. Re-connected cable in accordance with Executive Aircraft Toilet Manual.


Dis: Cabin carpets and floor needs vacuuming.
CA: Vacuumed interior carpets in accordance with higher authority. checks good.

Discrepancy written up to electricians : Assist 120 (airframes shop) in un-jacking seat wiring in cabin of aircraft. Looks like a bowl of ramen noodles.

Note: There is not corrective action on the the copy I have because I think it got deleted due to the wording or did not see it once it was corrected.

[Hoog]

Originally Posted by Jeff '79

I love old things, especially antiques like you.
Ergo, the retread that some have yet to see and enjoy.

There is nothing new in the world other than the email/meme you haven't seen yet...

...and we're the same age...

[Madmikeee]

VERY old rip off of USAF Crew Chief joke.

[Madmikeee]

Originally Posted by bradc6

A friend of mine is a retired UPS mechanic and he hates pilots.

I have yet to find a fellow Crew Chief that liked pilots.

However, reminding said cocky bastards that it took a college degree to fly them and only a H.S. diploma to fix them usually adjusted their attitude temporarily.