Get in here and entertain my ass, will ya?

[Madmikeee]

[Sea Six]

YouTube - Alizée HD - J'en Ai Marre On Tubes - WOW World Of Warcraft Night Elf Female Dance

[wwomanC6]

The other night I was invited out for a night with "the
girls."
I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!"

Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy.

Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.

Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up,I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed...3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!)

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in,and I told him "Midnight". He didn't seem mad at all. Whew! Got away with that one! Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock."

When I asked him why?, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, "Oh. shit.", cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more,and then tripped over the coffee table."

[VITE1]

Originally Posted by thkauffman

Entertain your ass? Pics first...

[Sea Six]

Originally Posted by wwomanC6

The other night I was invited out for a night with "the
girls."
I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!"

Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy.

Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.

Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up,I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed...3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!)

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in,and I told him "Midnight". He didn't seem mad at all. Whew! Got away with that one! Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock."

When I asked him why?, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, "Oh. shit.", cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more,and then tripped over the coffee table."

Good one!

[Sneaks]

Originally Posted by wwomanC6

The other night I was invited out for a night with "the
girls."
I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!"

Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy.

Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.

Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up,I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed...3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!)

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in,and I told him "Midnight". He didn't seem mad at all. Whew! Got away with that one! Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock."

When I asked him why?, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, "Oh. shit.", cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more,and then tripped over the coffee table."

[Rotorhead]

Originally Posted by wwomanC6

The other night I was invited out for a night with "the
girls."
I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!"

Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy.

Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.

Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up,I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed...3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!)

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in,and I told him "Midnight". He didn't seem mad at all. Whew! Got away with that one! Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock."

When I asked him why?, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, "Oh. shit.", cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more,and then tripped over the coffee table."

[wwomanC6]

Three guys were on a trip to Saudi Arabia. One day, they stumbled into a harem tent filled with over 100 beautiful women. They started getting friendly with all the women, when suddenly the Sheik came in.

"I am the master of all these women. No one else can touch them except me.
You three men must pay for what you have done today. You will be punished
in a way corresponding to your profession."

The sheik turns to the first man and asks him what he does for a living.

"I'm a cop", says the first man. "Then we will shoot your penis off!",
said the sheik.

He then turned to the second man and asked him what he did for a living.
"I'm a firemen", said the second man.

"Then we will burn your penis off!", said the sheik.

Finally, he asked the last man, "And you, what do you do for a living?"

And the third man answered, with a sly grin, "I'm a lollipop salesman!"

[Allan]

Originally Posted by pewter-FRC

do you see a pattern here? shit fetish?

One of those tear off daily calendars I got for Christmas.

[Petew1971]

Originally Posted by Rotorhead

Cute Girl at the Gym Video

this worx

[wwomanC6]

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy.
He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer
from New York and is certain that he has a better education then any
cop from Houston. He decides to prove this to himself and have some
fun at the deputy's expense.

Deputy says, "License and registration, please." Lawyer says, "What
for?"
Deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign"
Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming." Deputy says, "You
still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration,
please." Lawyer says, "What's the difference?" Deputy says, "The
difference is, you have to come to a complete stop, that's the law.
License and registration, please!" Lawyer says, "If you can show me
the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my
license and registration; and you give me the ticket. If not, you let
me go and don't give me the ticket."

Deputy says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir."

At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating
the ever-loving crap out of the lawyer and says, "Do you want me to
stop or just slow down?"

[wwomanC6]

Story time!

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students.
"Human beings are the only animals that stutter", she says.

A little girl raises her hand. "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered",
she volunteered.

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could
become, asked the girl to describe the incident.

"Well", she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the
rottweiler who lives next door got a running start and before we
knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!
"That must've been scary", said the teacher.

"It sure was", said the little girl. "My kitty went 'Fffff, Fffff,
Fffff'... and before he could say "F**K," the rottweiler ate him!"

[Truck Guy]

World's Shortest Joke:

Guy walks in to a psychiatrists office wearing nothing but Saran Wrap as underwear.

The Psychiatrist says, "I can clearly see your nuts!"

[MEC5LADY]

Hmmm in another couple of months it'll be time to trade in that winter long cold for a nice case of hay fever.

[JRD77VET]

Originally Posted by Truck Guy

World's Shortest Joke:

Guy walks in to a psychiatrists office wearing nothing but Saran Wrap as underwear.

The Psychiatrist says, "I can clearly see your nuts!"

[jeff w]

Fecking Wendy

Joebuck, TheMonk, and PeteW all are riding in Joe's C4 and die in an epic car crash. Saint Peter meets them at the gates to Heaven and tells them the only rule of Heaven: Do not step on the ducks. Joebuck, thinking aloud, says "Don't step on the ducks, how hard can that be?" Once inside the gates the guys realize how hard this will be seeing nothing but ducks everywhere.

Within a few hours PeteW stepped on a duck. Suddenly Saint Peter appeared with the ugliest Amazonian looking woman PeteW has ever seen. Saint Peter chains the two together saying "PeteW, for your sin of stepping on a duck, you will be chained to the ugliest woman you have ever seen for all of eternity." Seeing this, Joebuck and TheMonk decide to be extra careful.

A few weeks later TheMonk steps on a duck and Saint Peter again appears chaining him to the ugliest woman TheMonk has ever seen. "The punishment for stepping on a duck is to be chained to the ugliest woman you have ever seen for all eternity." Saint Peter says. At this point Joebuck makes it his only mission to never step on a duck.

Years go buy and one day Saint Peter appears before Joebuck with the most beautiful woman Joebuck has ever seen and chains them together. Joebuck asks Saint Peter "What did I do to deserve such a beautiful woman?" and before Saint Peter could respond the woman says "I stepped on a ****ing duck."

[Kerrmudgeon]

Here you go.......ass talker

YouTube - Ace Ventura - Pet Detective - Ass Talking Scene

[wwomanC6]

What Religion is Your Bra?
A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife."
"What type of bra?" asked the clerk.
" Type?" inquires the man, "There's more than one type?
" Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable.

"Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from ."
Relieved, the man asked about the types. The saleslady replied:
There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist types. Which one would you prefer?

Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.
The Saleslady responded, "It is all really quite simple..

The Catholic type supports the masses.
The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen, The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright, and The Baptist makes mountains out of mole hills.



Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes?
If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!

(A} Almost Boobs...
{B} Barely there.
{C} Can't Complain!
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake.
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up !

They forgot the German bra.
Holtzemfromfloppen

[VITE1]

Originally Posted by Truck Guy

World's Shortest Joke:

Guy walks in to a psychiatrists office wearing nothing but Saran Wrap as underwear.

The Psychiatrist says, "I can clearly see your nuts!"

[wwomanC6]

Originally Posted by jeff w

Fecking Wendy

Joebuck, TheMonk, and PeteW all are riding in Joe's C4 and die in an epic car crash. Saint Peter meets them at the gates to Heaven and tells them the only rule of Heaven: Do not step on the ducks. Joebuck, thinking aloud, says "Don't step on the ducks, how hard can that be?" Once inside the gates the guys realize how hard this will be seeing nothing but ducks everywhere.

Within a few hours PeteW stepped on a duck. Suddenly Saint Peter appeared with the ugliest Amazonian looking woman PeteW has ever seen. Saint Peter chains the two together saying "PeteW, for your sin of stepping on a duck, you will be chained to the ugliest woman you have ever seen for all of eternity." Seeing this, Joebuck and TheMonk decide to be extra careful.

A few weeks later TheMonk steps on a duck and Saint Peter again appears chaining him to the ugliest woman TheMonk has ever seen. "The punishment for stepping on a duck is to be chained to the ugliest woman you have ever seen for all eternity." Saint Peter says. At this point Joebuck makes it his only mission to never step on a duck.

Years go buy and one day Saint Peter appears before Joebuck with the most beautiful woman Joebuck has ever seen and chains them together. Joebuck asks Saint Peter "What did I do to deserve such a beautiful woman?" and before Saint Peter could respond the woman says "I stepped on a ****ing duck."

Nice variation of that story!