It's FRIDAY, go ahead and MAKE ME LAUGH!

[Kerrmudgeon]

So, what are you waiting for??


ps......I got nothing.

[RonC5]

Have you noticed my new avatar?

[CertInsaneC5]

IRISHMAN'S FIRST DRINK WITH HIS SON


While reading an article last night about fathers and sons, memories came
flooding back to the time I took me son out for his first pint.

Off we went to our local pub only two blocks from the cottage.

I got him a Guinness. He didn't like it, so I drank it.

Then I got him a Kilkenny's, he didn't like that either, so I drank it.

Finally, I thought he might like some Harp Lager? He didn't. I drank it.

I thought maybe he'd like whiskey better than beer so we tried a Jameson's, nope!

In desperation, I had him try that rare Redbreast,Ireland's finest. He
wouldn't even smell it.

What could I do but drink it!

By the time I realized he just didn't like to drink, I was so shit-faced drunk, I could hardly push his stroller back home.

[CertInsaneC5]

YouTube (Short URL)

[Kerrmudgeon]

Originally Posted by RonC5

Have you noticed my new avatar?

Is it life-size?

[Kerrmudgeon]

On his 74th birthday,...... a man got a gift certificate from his wife.

The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation that was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction. After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket to the medicine man, and wondered what he was in for.

The medicine man slowly, methodically produced a potion, handed it to him, and with a grip on his shoulder, warned, 'This is powerful medicine. It must be respected. You only take a teaspoonful, and then say '1-2-3'. When you do that, you will become manlier than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform as long as you want." The old man was encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked, "How do I stop it from working?" "Your partner must say '1-2-3-4," he responded, "but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."

The old man was very eager to see if it worked, so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to come join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he took off his clothes and said "1-2-3."

Immediately, he was the manliest of men. His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and then she asked, "What was the 1-2-3 for?"

And that, boys and girls, is why you should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.

[mrvette]

Originally Posted by CertInsaneC5

https://youtu.be/jAMATekiRUs

THAT is funny, looks like fun....after a day's work......

[Fasglas]

[Chris Fowler]

Originally Posted by Fasglas

[Kerrmudgeon]

AS I AGE, I REALIZE THAT:

1. I talk to myself, because sometimes I need expert
advice.

2. Sometimes I roll my eyes out loud.

3. I don't need anger management. I need people to stop
pissing me off.

4. My people skills are just fine. It's my
tolerance of idiots that needs work.

5. The biggest lie I tell
myself is "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember
it."

6. When I was a child I thought nap time was punishment. Now
it's like a mini vacation.

7. The day the world runs out of wine is just too terrible
to think about.

8. Even duct tape can't fix stupid, but it can
muffle the sound!

9. Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the
dryer for ten minutes; come out wrinkle-free and three sizes
smaller.

10. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would've put them
on my knees.

11. When the kids text me "plz" which is shorter than
please. I text back "no" which is shorter than "yes".

12.
At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I
came in there for.

* the ones' in bold I found appropriate for me today..

[Kerrmudgeon]

This pope pays attention to all things big and small......

[Kerrmudgeon]

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
(written by kids)

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10

No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10

2. WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10

3. HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8


4. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8


5. WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8

On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
-- Martin, age 10


6. WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7

The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
- - Curt, age 7

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
- - Howard, age 8


7. IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9 (bless you child )


8. HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favorite is ...

9. HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck.
-- Ricky, age 10.....

[Kerrmudgeon]

Remember this game.......

YouTube (Short URL)