Goodbye Linda.

[dwjz06]

Originally Posted by snide

Can I give you my wife's number?

Ha most western women will not fit this bill. They were told by feminist that they can do whatever they want. Good luck on this.

[DAB]

Originally Posted by dwjz06

Ha most western women will not fit this bill. They were told by feminist that they can do whatever they want. Good luck on this.

And yet they are so happy……

[dwjz06]

Originally Posted by DAB

And yet they are so happy……

Exactly! They have been sold a bill of goods that will not work out for them. I am done with the marriage thing. I think you and I are the same age. I refuse to be taken advantage of anymore. Life is good. Less drama, got my motorcycle, kids are grown. Life is good, and moves on.

[DAB]

Originally Posted by dwjz06

Exactly! They have been sold a bill of goods that will not work out for them. I am done with the marriage thing. I think you and I are the same age. I refuse to be taken advantage of anymore. Life is good. Less drama, got my motorcycle, kids are grown. Life is good, and moves on.

i won't rule anything out, but it would take an enormously special lady to get my attention. not interested in being a step-dad to someone else's children. not interested in finding someone who spends money foolishly (i can do that on my own! )(and at least i see some happiness benefit), nor someone who nags or attempts to control things.

i have some family, i have some friends (including this box of discarded toys). i've been single before, i can probably figure out how to be single again in time.

i turned 59 in April.

[dwjz06]

Originally Posted by DAB

i won't rule anything out, but it would take an enormously special lady to get my attention. not interested in being a step-dad to someone else's children. not interested in finding someone who spends money foolishly (i can do that on my own! )(and at least i see some happiness benefit), nor someone who nags or attempts to control things.

i have some family, i have some friends (including this box of discarded toys). i've been single before, i can probably figure out how to be single again in time.

i turned 59 in April.

Yes to all your points. I turned 59 in June. I have been single for the past 5 years. It is what it is. I was married between two wives over 32 years. I will be ok as will you. Not to take away from your thread here, but it is all part of it. I really am happy you had a great person to be with, and I know it will take some time. I wish for you the best in how your life goes from here.

[DAB]

Originally Posted by dwjz06

Yes to all your points. I turned 59 in June. I have been single for the past 5 years. It is what it is. I was married between two wives over 32 years. I will be ok as will you. Not to take away from your thread here, but it is all part of it. I really am happy you had a great person to be with, and I know it will take some time. I wish for you the best in how your life goes from here.

i always expect tangents to threads, all these topics are related and worthy of discussion among us.

as noted earlier, maybe someone will wander by, read something and have it make a difference in their life. that would be awesome.

inside, we all want to make a difference in the world. some on a large scale, some on smaller scales.

i made a difference in Linda's life, and she in mine. that counts for something.

[Rodnok1]

I think your postings will help more tha a few people... Myself included.
Life can be difficult at times, very difficult...

[Steve_R]

Parts of this thread are heartbreaking. Parts are funny. Parts are, well, weird. It's always struck me as funny that people who are divorced (I'd say failed at marriage, but that's a bit strong) rail against marriage as if it never goes well. I've been married to my HS sweetheart for 45 years and we couldn't be more in love and happier now than the day we got married. Neither is submissive to the other, we're a partnership. My older brother told me over 40 years ago we'd never make it - he's now on wife #4.

[DAB]

Originally Posted by Rodnok1

I think your postings will help more tha a few people... Myself included.
Life can be difficult at times, very difficult...

all you can do is your very best.

i tried.

i think i mostly succeeded.

in our last days, we had many talks at her bedside. mostly me talking, her listening (which was unusual, as she loved to talk), and i assured her that whatever happens, it's all in God's hands. when He wants you home, home you shall go. if He leaves you here, then pull up your pants and finish the work He has given you do to here.

whether that is conquering kingdoms, caring for one person, preaching the gospel of Christ to others...whatever.

so i weep now and then (even now as i type), but then get on with living life.

i've ordered 2 books that looked interesting, they should arrive saturday, books about widowers (me). stay tuned. i've also signed up for saturday's pistol match, chance to get out of the house for a bit, hang around with friends, shoot some pistols at cardboard targets, and not just sit around staring at the walls in a big, quiet house.

does one person need 2542 SF of house? probably not, but that's what i have. plus a 1025 SF guesthouse, and a 1250 SF shop. garage is same size as the guesthouse, and the icky barn is huge (56x40). lot to take care of. always something to do around here.

[dwjz06]

Originally Posted by DAB

i always expect tangents to threads, all these topics are related and worthy of discussion among us.

as noted earlier, maybe someone will wander by, read something and have it make a difference in their life. that would be awesome.

inside, we all want to make a difference in the world. some on a large scale, some on smaller scales.

i made a difference in Linda's life, and she in mine. that counts for something.

It does

Originally Posted by Steve_R

Parts of this thread are heartbreaking. Parts are funny. Parts are, well, weird. It's always struck me as funny that people who are divorced (I'd say failed at marriage, but that's a bit strong) rail against marriage as if it never goes well. I've been married to my HS sweetheart for 45 years and we couldn't be more in love and happier now than the day we got married. Neither is submissive to the other, we're a partnership. My older brother told me over 40 years ago we'd never make it - he's now on wife #4.

So you got lucky and beat the odds. You are conceited beyond belief if you think you had control over it. Believe me you did not. Your wife of 45 years could have decided to pull the plug on you at any given year of it, and just because she changed her mind. I will not say I failed because I did everything I could. So I will be happy with that. It was out of my hands. I will say marriage sucks in this country the way the states have it set up for women currently. I miss being married in a lot of ways. Others not so much. Anyway this is Doug's thread I will not go further on this in his thread.

[DAB]

Originally Posted by Steve_R

Parts of this thread are heartbreaking. Parts are funny. Parts are, well, weird. It's always struck me as funny that people who are divorced (I'd say failed at marriage, but that's a bit strong) rail against marriage as if it never goes well. I've been married to my HS sweetheart for 45 years and we couldn't be more in love and happier now than the day we got married. Neither is submissive to the other, we're a partnership. My older brother told me over 40 years ago we'd never make it - he's now on wife #4.

Linda was strong willed, and I knew that. and yet, we never fought. we talked about things for a long time sometime until we reached an answer we could both accept. some things i didn't care about. paint colors? pick one, i'll roll it on. shop design? i'll take care of that. and so on.

i never had to pull the "i'm the husband, so what i say goes" card. that seemed overbearing and unhelpful long term.

when we got married, my sister asked "well, who's in charge?" ummmm...we are. we'll figure it out.

we were ONE, and one body cannot have 2 different answers to one question. it may take time to figure out the answer, but we got it done.

[DAB]

well, got her pension checks stopped, but SS didn't get the memo in time, so that check got deposited today. and will be taken back shortly. no need to record that one in the checkbook.

[dwjz06]

Originally Posted by DAB

i always expect tangents to threads, all these topics are related and worthy of discussion among us.

as noted earlier, maybe someone will wander by, read something and have it make a difference in their life. that would be awesome.

inside, we all want to make a difference in the world. some on a large scale, some on smaller scales.

i made a difference in Linda's life, and she in mine. that counts for something.

Thanks

[Aerovette]

Originally Posted by DAB

well, got her pension checks stopped, but SS didn't get the memo in time, so that check got deposited today. and will be taken back shortly. no need to record that one in the checkbook.

I hate that widows/widowers don't collect their spouse's funds. I can understand children not collecting, but if my parents had a mortgage or apartment, my mom would be homeless without his income. Thankfully that's not the case, but his SS being gone is certainly impactful. His School District pension also stopped.

[Mick]

Originally Posted by aerovette

I hate that widows/widowers don't collect their spouse's funds. I can understand children not collecting, but if my parents had a mortgage or apartment, my mom would be homeless without his income. Thankfully that's not the case, but his SS being gone is certainly impactful. His School District pension also stopped.

My former employer's plan gave me the choice (I know not all do) of getting my pension for the rest of my life, or get a smaller amount that continues until both my wife and I are dead. I took the both dead option as the likelihood of me outliving her is minimal.

[DAB]

Originally Posted by aerovette

I hate that widows/widowers don't collect their spouse's funds. I can understand children not collecting, but if my parents had a mortgage or apartment, my mom would be homeless without his income. Thankfully that's not the case, but his SS being gone is certainly impactful. His School District pension also stopped.

actually, i can apply for widower's benefits next year from SSA when i turn 60. i think i can get 71.5% of her check until i can apply for my own SSA checks, which i can do as early as when i turn 62. so it's better than nothing.

she started her pension before we got married, and i think could not change it to name me as a survivor (taking less per month as the trade off) after we got married.

my dad got a federal pension and elected to take less so that mom would get 50% of the amount if dad died first. alas, mom died first, so he got a little bump up for his last few checks before he died last year.

bottom line, don't depend on others to take care of you. on average, they won't.

[DAB]

strange neighbor story:

invited a neighbor over for lunch yesterday, they work until 2, so they showed up at 2pm, as advertised.

just come over, we'll have a simple lunch, likely sammiches, and have a chance to talk.

arrive on time, with the doggie (it's cool, i said bring the dog), and their own dish of something for lunch.....

when do you go over for lunch, and bring your own vittles? nothing special, some veggies, but if you had a dietary restriction, either decline the invite, or tell me and i'll work around it.

very strange.

[Mick]

Originally Posted by DAB

strange neighbor story:

invited a neighbor over for lunch yesterday, they work until 2, so they showed up at 2pm, as advertised.

just come over, we'll have a simple lunch, likely sammiches, and have a chance to talk.

arrive on time, with the doggie (it's cool, i said bring the dog), and their own dish of something for lunch.....

when do you go over for lunch, and bring your own vittles? nothing special, some veggies, but if you had a dietary restriction, either decline the invite, or tell me and i'll work around it.

very strange.

Whenever I go to someone's house for a meal, I ALWAYS bring something.

[NEED-A-VETTE]

Originally Posted by Mick

Whenever I go to someone's house for a meal, I ALWAYS bring something.

Correct.

If you’re invited into someone’s home for a meal you never go empty-handed.

Adulting 101.

[DAB]

this was not BYOL (bring your own lunch), nor a pot luck deal.

it was "come over, we'll fix some sammiches"