Have a few questions about starting a family...

[BuckyThreadkiller]

If you are asking these questions and giving weight to the answers, you're probably good to go out and reproduce.

It's the "Tab A goes in Slot B - what's the worst that can happen?" guys who have problems.

Yeah, kids change your life. Sometimes that's not such a bad thing. But it will also show you sides of your spouse you didn't know were there. My Ex went completely insane after we had our son. She's still there.

[TripleBlack]

We were married some 6 years before having kids so we got a lot of the "me/us" stuff done and out of the way and were looking for something more. By that time we were also better prepared financially to have kids and it worked out great. Relationship with spouse... different but not necessarily better or worse. Just a different phase of life. IMO if your relationship isn't already good, kids sure won't improve it.

Are the kids more or less important than the spouse? It was never either or for me... my family was the important thing before the kids came and they just became a part of that.

That was over 30 years ago and it was a different time but it was easily the best decision I/we ever made. Today the world seems to be circling the drain and I might think twice before bringing kids into it. Of course my parents probably thought the same thing 31 years ago when we were starting a family.

[VatorMan]

Me: Picks up barracks phone right before a group of us were headed to Tijuana
Her: You need to come home.
Me:Why?
Her: I'm pregnant:
Me: **** ! You sure it's mine ?
Her: Silence-Crying-YOU ASSHOLE ! YES IT IS YOURS.
Me: OK-Let me go to SATO. Call you tomorrow.


30+ years later, now have 2 grand kids. Yes,they will change your life. Good, bad and all the in between.

[bsmith]

To be honest, I always questioned whether I wanted kids or not. Neither side was really a strong feeling for me.
My wife wanted kids, and I went along with it and we found out that it's very unlikely to happen for us.

It's not fun answering the inevitable question of "when are you guys having kids?" Which is almost always followed up with "you would be such a great dad".

Now that the decision has been made for us, I've moved more to the side of wishing we could.

[onedef92]

Now that the decision has been made for us, I've moved more to the side of wishing we could.

While it's certainly not for everyone, adoption is one option.

[69camfrk]

I have two sons ages 8 and 12. It has been fun teaching them about cars, airplanes, shooting guns, etc. Have I had to change my life in a lot of ways, well, yes. Do I have as much cash to spend on things I used to...no. It is really a lot of give and take, but I figured when I get old, someone is going to have to wipe my ass. They owe me!!!

[VatorMan]

Originally Posted by TxAg

Way to show her you care.

I've never been one for lying.

[Chris Fowler]

Originally Posted by ConstantChange

Why did you decide to have a kid?

We both wanted kids (ended up with only one). We both come from families where marriage and kids are a part of life. It felt like the natural thing to do. No regrets.

After you had a child, did you feel like you had to give up a lot of things in life you would do if you didn't have a child?

Not a lot of stuff to give up. Neither of us are partiers or extremely social people. We have to plan a bit more to go out for dinner and a movie, but with my family close by baby sitters are easy.

Did having a child make your marriage/relationship better or worse?

I don't think it changed our relationship. It's always been strong. Maybe it got stronger. Definitely didn't make it worse.

Did your kid(s) become the most important thing in your life? Even more important than your spouse?

Extremely difficult question. They are both my top priority. Life or death situation I don't know which my instinct would say to save first.

[boracayjohnny]

Originally Posted by VatorMan

Me: Picks up barracks phone right before a group of us were headed to Tijuana
Her: You need to come home.
Me:Why?
Her: I'm pregnant:
Me: **** ! You sure it's mine ?
Her: Silence-Crying-YOU ASSHOLE ! YES IT IS YOURS.
Me: OK-Let me go to SATO. Call you tomorrow.


30+ years later, now have 2 grand kids. Yes,they will change your life. Good, bad and all the in between.

Originally Posted by 69camfrk

I have two sons ages 8 and 12. It has been fun teaching them about cars, airplanes, shooting guns, etc. Have I had to change my life in a lot of ways, well, yes. Do I have as much cash to spend on things I used to...no. It is really a lot of give and take, but I figured when I get old, someone is going to have to wipe my ass. They owe me!!!

James, no one else could have written that answer for you. It fits you to a tee.




As for me and the current wife and no kids, well, the short answer is shit happens when you go making plans to have a wife, a white picket fenced home, and 2.5 kids.

[FasterTraffic]

Originally Posted by ConstantChange

Honest questions I have...

Why did you decide to have a kid?
The wife said we could have as many dogs as kids. I wanted two dogs and she wanted two kids. Win/win.

After you had a child, did you feel like you had to give up a lot of things in life you would do if you didn't have a child?
I don't know there's much we've had to give up, but a lot we've decided to postpone. The most obvious impact is financial. The $22K per year we paid for childcare was instead of the Porsche payments I would have been making without kids.

Did having a child make your marriage/relationship better or worse?
Neither, really. The wife is my best friend and nothing changes that. We don't spend nearly as much time together, just the two of us, as we'd like, though. Sometimes all you want to do is go out to eat and finish an entire conversation without being interrupted. So, we have to plan for a date night or a weekend away. We can't run off on a whim but we do make time.

Did your kid(s) become the most important thing in your life? Even more important than your spouse?
I would hope so. As a parent, you have an enormous responsibility to care for and protect your child. If my wife could save me our one of our kids, and had to choose, I would hope she chooses the kid. I joke about the financial impact of two kids but the biggest, by far, impact is emotional. Until you're a parent, you can't really understand how it affects you when your child might be (or is) very sick, injured, etc. I don't know how parents find the strength to get through life after losing a child.

[tshirts and jeans]

didn't make the decision ...it just happened .....

.did i give up anything....yes i did ...but what i got in return was well worth everything that i gave up or didn't get to do...

marriage.....if it is a good one it makes it better....if it is a bad one it makes it worse.......

life changing is an understatement........my kids are my world.......and would easily give my life up for them.....even tho at times i could shoot them myself...

[onedef92]

Originally Posted by TxAg

Way to show her you care.

At least he manned up to the plate and didn't balk on his responsibilities as a father/husband.

[Norm]

Have kids from first marriage, had its ups and downs. No kids in second marriage. Now that the boys are grown, mature, have families of their own, relationships are normal and as it should be, acting like adults. Cherish the grandchildren and spoil the shit out of them, kind of paybacks to my kids, all good natured, of course.

[erickpl]

Originally Posted by ConstantChange

All of my friends either have kids or are pregnant. They range from about 25 to 35. Several of them have 2 kids. For the life of me, I'm trying to figure out why some of them made that decision.

Honest questions I have...

Why did you decide to have a kid?

I have none of my own. My 2 kids were from my wife's previous marriage. SO I went into this marriage knowing full well I would be going from bachelor to husband and father with an instant family. You can't always help who you love, and I love my wife. She happened to have two great kids that I love as my own. They call me Dad by THEIR choice.

After you had a child, did you feel like you had to give up a lot of things in life you would do if you didn't have a child?

I don't feel like I gave up a thing. These children have enriched my life in ways I couldn't fathom. The only thing I've given up, if there had to be something, was my having a biological child of my own. But these two kids show me all the time that bloodline isn't important. It's the love, sharing, and rewards from being a family. With them both having taken my last name voluntarily, the name will continue (I'm the only male in my family, but have 2 sisters).

Did having a child make your marriage/relationship better or worse?

By far, enriched it. Gave it a new element I hadn't known. Now, for my wife, that may be a different story. Coming in to it as a stepfather, there were some changes she and the kids had to make, just as I had to adjust to being a father and caring for young children. But that didn't make it better or worse, just enriched.

Our only issue was making the time, not finding the time, to be husband and wife, and lovers - instead of just mom and dad. We love doing things with our kids, but we need that adult time to be with each other - to relight that flame that burned brightly when we met, and to just remind ourselves of the fun we have when we are being just us.

Did your kid(s) become the most important thing in your life? Even more important than your spouse?

It went from me being my priority in my life to my FAMILY being the most important thing in my life. Losing any one of them would destroy me.

I had a choice in choosing my kids. My kids had a choice in who their dad is. They have a biological father, but I feel a DAD who is there day in and day out is more of an influence, and I think I've done a decent job for the most part (other than my kids wanting cheeseburgers for breakfast! lol) They call me Dad by choice. They asked ME to adopt THEM without my forcing the issue. A family with bonds like that is a gift one is lucky to ever get in their life.

I consider myself blessed.

It was stated above about the emotional impact of the kids. I never realized the impact they had on me emotionally until I got THE phone call from the police about our daughter being in a car accident and that she was taken to the hospital. Emotional shutdown while wife is sobbing. I drive us to the hospital and higher than legal speeds. Hold it together until I see her. Then all bets were off, but I held it until we had her home. Then I lost it.

If I ever had to choose between the kids or the wife, I'd say, "Take me."
If my wife ever had to choose between the kids or me, she'd say, "Take him." But I'd expect that as they are her priority. I knew going in the kids were Priority #1 for her. For me, Priority #1 is all of them.

[oyealiz]

Originally Posted by erickpl

If I ever had to choose between the kids or the wife, I'd say, "Take me."
If my wife ever had to choose between the kids or me, she'd say, "Take him." But I'd expect that as they are her priority. I knew going in the kids were Priority #1 for her. For me, Priority #1 is all of them.

I love your love for your family. I know we've talked about all this before, but I still love reading it.

Your children are very, very lucky, their mom found you.

As for me, I adore my kids. I love them more than the world, and they know that without a doubt.

When a child has reason to doubt a parent's love or put up with their parents being sh*ts to them, it is a sad situation.

If you don't want children, don't have them! And if you have them and then don't want them, leave them alone to be happy and move along with your own little life.

Too many kiddos have to deal with off and on idiot parents.

Much better for the children to be placed for adoption if in that age group. So many people who cannot have children would dearly love a child to adore and shower with love as well as a home and schooling.

[CP]

Here's some advice you can take to the bank:

DON'T DO IT!

[sanchez]

Originally Posted by ConstantChange

All of my friends either have kids or are pregnant. They range from about 25 to 35. Several of them have 2 kids. For the life of me, I'm trying to figure out why some of them made that decision.

Honest questions I have...

Why did you decide to have a kid?

Wife said it was time

After you had a child, did you feel like you had to give up a lot of things in life you would do if you didn't have a child?


Everything changes, but in a good way. Is our life completely different? Yes. Would I change anything? No.

Did having a child make your marriage/relationship better or worse?

Better. We have to focus more on the family unit and working as a team.

Did your kid(s) become the most important thing in your life? Even more important than your spouse?

My kid trumps a lot; work partying, sportscars, but not my wife. They share an equal role now.

Hope this helps. I really enjoy having a kid. The little things he does cracks me up. But they are a lot of work and there are real changes. The boy gets up at 6am regardless of how late daddy was staying up. He doesn't give a frenchman's **** if you are hungover and tired. But, if you had a crappy day at the office and traffic sucked, there is nothing like the greeting he gives you when you get home.