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Old 04-26-2021, 4:43pm   #61
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Getting dirty is the only answer, threaten to tell the world about that night she got jiggy with a donkey at the in-laws farm and all bets are off.



https://youtu.be/3JcmQONgXJM
Tell everyone she likes bukkake.
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Old 04-26-2021, 4:49pm   #62
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... It is up to the separating spouse to be honorable or not. Also up to the judge but no one is entitled.
Yup, that's why I'm not divorced.

We got together with a lawyer and drew up a divorce agreement after I kicked her out. Plan was to pay her money to go away. Lawyer presented that to the court then a letter arrived in the mail from a judge wanting my signature agreeing to his decisions. The last kid was living with me and we didn't want to risk her being ordered to pay child support or end up with legal custody so I threw the letter in the trash. What decisions? It's all there in black and white, all we needed from him was a lousy signature.

A month later the lawyer asks me about the letter and sort of freaks out when I say it's in the dump Tough shit, withdraw the petition... Then I get a letter from the judge saying my case is closed without prejudice Wise man.
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Old 04-26-2021, 5:14pm   #63
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**** that, demand that everything be sold, house included. All creditors are paid off and any cash left is split 50/50. Have to pay child support until the kid is 18 and if college is agreed to then you pay directly to the school each semester. If she wants 1/2 your retirement, then you demand 1/2 of hers. Kid may side with her, but he is all but an adult, time to make adult decisions. Go scorched earth until she becomes reasonable.


Basically, this is a much better worded version of what I was recommending above. If you were offering a better than half settlement before, and the douche-bag lawyer is asking for more, simply reject the whole proposed settlement, and go with the above.
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Old 04-26-2021, 5:30pm   #64
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Tell everyone she likes bukkake.
Isn't the idea to be slanderous and spread LIES?
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Old 04-26-2021, 6:05pm   #65
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Lawyers hash it out at $250.00/hour.

OP needs to hash it out, get it in writing, lawyers agree to the terms YOU TWO have set out.

Get your ex away from the lawyers long enough to figure out what she wants, not what they say she wants.
She and I had an "agreement" that she amended. I gave it to my lawyer and he sent it to hers. I agreed to give her everything but keeping dental on the kids (one 20, youngest 17) which she already covers and to give me 30 days from signing the divorce to get my stuff off the property. That was after I agreed to literally give her everything else and 30% of my .mil retirement. I suppose if the judge wants to give her 50%, then so be it. I figured the house, with all the equity, furniture, keeping insurance on the kids etc. would be enough. Not so I reckon.
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Old 04-26-2021, 6:26pm   #66
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She and I had an "agreement" that she amended. I gave it to my lawyer and he sent it to hers. I agreed to give her everything but keeping dental on the kids (one 20, youngest 17) which she already covers and to give me 30 days from signing the divorce to get my stuff off the property. That was after I agreed to literally give her everything else and 30% of my .mil retirement. I suppose if the judge wants to give her 50%, then so be it. I figured the house, with all the equity, furniture, keeping insurance on the kids etc. would be enough. Not so I reckon.
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Old 04-26-2021, 7:04pm   #67
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She and I had an "agreement" that she amended. I gave it to my lawyer and he sent it to hers. I agreed to give her everything but keeping dental on the kids (one 20, youngest 17) which she already covers and to give me 30 days from signing the divorce to get my stuff off the property. That was after I agreed to literally give her everything else and 30% of my .mil retirement. I suppose if the judge wants to give her 50%, then so be it. I figured the house, with all the equity, furniture, keeping insurance on the kids etc. would be enough. Not so I reckon.
She reneged on the previous agreement, go nuclear. if she's gold digging, you can too since she makes more money.

Sorry to hear my friend.
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Old 04-26-2021, 8:53pm   #68
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The big mistake was getting married.
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I was never anything more than supplemental income.
That's all we ever are.

There's no point in trying to be fair, in a divorce situation. The more you give, the more they'll take. Whether her lawyer tells her she can get more, or her friends tell her that she's entitled to everything. Doesn't matter if you cheated or not, or if she cheated or not. As far as she's concerned, YOU OWE HER!

However, you don't owe her shit. Take care of the youngest kid, obviously. Since she clearly wants to ruin you financially, do the same to her. Sell the house, pay off the debts. Walk away from this with as little debt as possible.

Don't worry about her being in financial ruin when the dust settles. She has a vagina that she'll use to get financial security from someone else.

Good luck to you!

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Old 04-26-2021, 8:54pm   #69
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Oh, and why is divorce so damn expensive? Because, it's ****ing worth it!
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Old 04-26-2021, 9:37pm   #70
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Why the f would you give up your retirement without tapping into hers, if shes making more than you, seek alimony....stay strong, otherwise youll regret it during retirement when you really need it.

Hope to buy you a beer on my next trip up to blueridge.
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Old 04-26-2021, 9:58pm   #71
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Joint custody and **** that child support ad well.
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Old 04-26-2021, 10:06pm   #72
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As a two time veteran only advice I can give is : Lawyer up. Strike first. Strike fast. Show no mercy.
It is war.

First time ex got house, her car and the kids. I got my two cars, my stuff, visitation rights, child support and insurance on the kids.

Second time, no kids involved. She got her car and stuff, half the bank account. I got the other three cars, house, and most of the furniture.
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Old 04-27-2021, 12:25am   #73
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Originally Posted by 69camfrk View Post
She and I had an "agreement" that she amended. I gave it to my lawyer and he sent it to hers. I agreed to give her everything but keeping dental on the kids (one 20, youngest 17) which she already covers and to give me 30 days from signing the divorce to get my stuff off the property. That was after I agreed to literally give her everything else and 30% of my .mil retirement. I suppose if the judge wants to give her 50%, then so be it. I figured the house, with all the equity, furniture, keeping insurance on the kids etc. would be enough. Not so I reckon.
My overwhelming advice is to handle this as business, rather than emotionally driven. I know that's difficult, as I have been in your place.

Have the attorneys draw up a 50/50 deal, with consideration of your kid's education. This includes all assets and liabilities, including both retirements on the asset side. If her attorney, or her, refuses to do so, then go to court and show that she and her attorney are not negotiating with good faith.

Don't know where you live, but the divorce settlements theses days when both spouses are capable of supporting themselves are much more equitable.

The back story of you getting out to support her, as well as other verbal commitments, are meaningless at this point. Just go with the current data and situation. Current judges are pretty sensitive to someone trying to f the other person over. I think some lawyers work on the folklore of the "wife cleaning you out" to get a better agreed settlement from the husband because the husband feels he starts behind the eight ball.

Be fair. Be aggressive when necessary. Find a lawyer that will represent you without sucking your tit for a year or more.
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Old 04-27-2021, 7:24am   #74
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in my state... if your retirement is say.... worth $5000/month, and the future ex's retirement fund is worth $3000/month.... she would get $1000/month (half the difference) of yours. It can be deferred until you actually retire, or you can offer the bitch a lump sum at the time of the divorce.

if given monthly, a lump sum value is set and she'd get the $1000/month until this lump value is reached. The values/lump sum is calculated on what it grew during the time you were actually married.
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Old 04-27-2021, 7:30am   #75
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in my state... if your retirement is say.... worth $5000/month... and the future ex's retirement fund is worth $3000/month.... she would get $1000/month (half the difference) of yours. It can be deferred until you actually retire... or you can offer the bitch a lump sum at the time of the divorce.

if given monthly, a lump sum value is set and she'd get the $1000/month until this lump value is reached.
I've got a horror story for you. A guy in my department got a divorce about five years ago. His wife never worked so he got saddled with maintenance. Through their lawyers they worked out a lump sum value and he paid it. A year later she tipped over dead. They never had kids so the money went to her family.
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Old 04-27-2021, 7:44am   #76
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I've got a horror story for you. A guy in my department got a divorce about five years ago. His wife never worked so he got saddled with maintenance. Through their lawyers they worked out a lump sum value and he paid it. A year later she tipped over dead. They never had kids so the money went to her family.
Wow. I ensured that she was able to have her own career. She is greedy, and has been. Considering what all I was giving her, it just blows me away that she moves the goal posts every time I think we are making progress. This is the 3rd time she has changed her demands. I'm done with it. I guess the lawyers will get richer while we get poorer.
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Old 04-27-2021, 8:00am   #77
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Wow. I ensured that she was able to have her own career. She is greedy, and has been. Considering what all I was giving her, it just blows me away that she moves the goal posts every time I think we are making progress. This is the 3rd time she has changed her demands. I'm done with it. I guess the lawyers will get richer while we get poorer.
This guy was an SRO. Senior Reactor Operator. He made some bank. The lump sum was a BIG number. They had to hire an damn actuary to estimate her life expectancy, her risk factors, blah blah blah. A year later the bitch tips over dead. Can you imagine?
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Old 04-27-2021, 8:14am   #78
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during my first marriage (where I ended up with complete kidney failure)... I was on dialysis - only working 20-25 hrs a week. Just when I got approved for a transplant - that's when my future ex filed for divorce. I could of gotten alimony from her and milked it for decades, but I wasn't raised like that.

Our house had no equity, so I got it (and the mortgage) and practically all the furnishings. We each had cars, both with loans... and each kept our associated vehicle. Both too young to have any retirement funds to worry about.

I ended up benefiting from the agreement, as the house appreciated greatly (after I did some improvements).
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Old 04-27-2021, 8:14am   #79
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I've got a horror story for you. A guy in my department got a divorce about five years ago. His wife never worked so he got saddled with maintenance. Through their lawyers they worked out a lump sum value and he paid it. A year later she tipped over dead. They never had kids so the money went to her family.
Had a friend who’s wife was cheating on him while he was deployed. She eventually told him and left with her new squeeze. He left the service but still had SGLI while he was on terminal leave and hadn’t updated the beneficiary. Tragically, he was killed in a car accident not long after and his ex received his life insurance bennies.

That shit would cause me to haunt the bitch if possible.
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Old 04-27-2021, 8:22am   #80
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a lump sum value and he paid it. A year later she tipped over dead... money went to her family.
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