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12-10-2020, 8:30am
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Latin American Goat Roper
Barn Stall Owner #101 Bantayan Kids '13 
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Disorder in the Quartz.....
disorder in the courts
> >> HOW DO COURT RECORDERS KEEP STRAIGHT FACES???? >> >> These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. >> >> >> >> ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? >> >> WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' >> >> ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? >> >> WITNESS: My name is Susan! >> >> _______________________________ >> >> ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? >> >> WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. >> >> ____________________________________________ >> >> ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? >> >> WITNESS: No, I just lie there. >> >> ____________________________________________ >> >> ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? >> >> WITNESS: July 18th. >> >> ATTORNEY: What year? >> >> WITNESS: Every year. >> >> _____________________________________ >> >> ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? >> >> WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. >> >> ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? >> >> WITNESS: Forty-five years. >> >> _________________________________ >> >> ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? >> >> WITNESS: Yes. >> >> ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? >> >> WITNESS: I forget. >> >> ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? >> >> ___________________________________________ >> >> ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? >> >> WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? >> >> ____________________________________ >> >> >> >> ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? >> >> WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ. >> >> ___________________________________________ >> >> ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? >> >> WITNESS: Are you shitting me? >> >> _________________________________________ >> >> ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? >> >> WITNESS: Yes. >> >> ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? >> >> WITNESS: Getting laid >> >> ____________________________________________ >> >> >> >> ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? >> >> WITNESS: Yes. >> >> ATTORNEY: How many were boys? >> >> WITNESS: None. >> >> ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? >> >> WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? >> >> ____________________________________________ >> >> ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? >> >> WITNESS: By death. >> >> ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? >> >> WITNESS: Take a guess. >> >> ___________________________________________ >> >> >> >> ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? >> >> WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard >> >> ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? >> >> WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male. >> >> _____________________________________ >> >> ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? >> >> WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. >> >> ______________________________________ >> >> ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? >> >> WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. >> >> _________________________________________ >> >> ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? >> >> WITNESS: Oral... >> >> _________________________________________ >> >> ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? >> >> WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM >> >> ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? >> >> WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. >> >> ____________________________________________ >> >> ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? >> >> WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? >> >> >> >> ______________________________________ >> >> >> >> ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? >> >> WITNESS: No. >> >> ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? >> >> WITNESS: No. >> >> ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? >> >> WITNESS: No.. >> >> ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? >> >> WITNESS: No. >> >> ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? >> >> WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. >> >> ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? >> >> WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. |
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12-10-2020, 8:36am
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Chief Meat Gazer
Charter Member Barn Stall Owner #98 Barn Raising II,III,IV
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| The Following User Says Thank You to Mike Mercury For This Useful Post: |
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12-10-2020, 8:57am
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A Real Barner
Join Date: Dec 2011
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IB4S
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| The Following User Says Thank You to 04 commemorative For This Useful Post: |
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12-10-2020, 9:03am
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A Real Barner
Join Date: Apr 2019
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12-10-2020, 3:55pm
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Barn Raising II,III
NCM Supporter '13 Bantayan Kids '17
Join Date: Oct 2009
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12-10-2020, 4:19pm
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Barn Stall Owner #120
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Southern California
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also sounds like 60% of military officers, Captains, and below.
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12-10-2020, 4:22pm
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#7 | |||||||
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Barn Stall Owner #∞
Join Date: Oct 2018
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12-10-2020, 5:42pm
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#8 | |||||||
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Latin American Goat Roper
Barn Stall Owner #101 Bantayan Kids '13
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Orange Park Florida
Posts: 60,689
Thanks: 32,881
Thanked 11,553 Times in 5,695 Posts
Gameroom Barn Bucks: $1138393
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| The Following User Says Thank You to mrvette For This Useful Post: |
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12-10-2020, 5:59pm
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#9 | ||||||
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Barn Stall Owner #49
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Thanks for the laffs Gene! Just what I needed today!!!
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