Disposition of a deceased loved one's stuff

[Broken Wind]

My dad passed away last October and I ended up with some stuff that was important to him like his HS and college diplomas. Those documents have been sitting on my desk ever since I brought them home. It's time to move them.

They are of no value to anyone other than him. I have a sentimental attachment to them because they were Dad's. I have no one to pass them to and am probably just going to burn them. Seems wrong, but probably not.

Just wanted to vent a little anxiety over this. Thanks for reading.

PS. It's interesting going thru someone's personal belongings. You just never know what they will keep because it means something to them. I found a ticket stub from a pro baseball game I took Dad to in '92. We were living on different coasts at the time, and he had a business trip that brought him to my area. He was not a big baseball fan, and this was the only pro game he and I attended together. That one touched me when I found it and it is not going into the burn pile.

[LisaJohn]

Maybe put the diplomas in an inexpensive frame. See if the high school or college wants the diplomas. Schools sometimes have a school history display case or the school library may have memorabilia area.
Definitely frame the baseball ticket!

[mrvette]

me going on age 77 shortly, my son out in Ca. talk frequently....but my daughter/family shut down everything some months ago.....

SO I have a house full of crap from my folks, and even my antique collection, but to sent it off......50 billion bux........

I not be around, so WTF????.....

[Aerovette]

How about scanning them and any other docs and pics and set up a tablet or screensaver that scrolls through all the scans and photos? Then when you burn them, you still have them.

[BayouCountry]

It's a tough one. Probably the best thing to do is a montage of the items you are most attached to. I dodged most of the problem by telling my bother he could have everything when dad passed. The things I value the most are the tools dad gave me for Christmas. Every time I grab one I think of him.

Either way, it's the memories that matter most.

[MadInNc]

Originally Posted by Broken Wind

My dad passed away last October and I ended up with some stuff that was important to him like his HS and college diplomas. Those documents have been sitting on my desk ever since I brought them home. It's time to move them.

They are of no value to anyone other than him. I have a sentimental attachment to them because they were Dad's. I have no one to pass them to and am probably just going to burn them. Seems wrong, but probably not.

Just wanted to vent a little anxiety over this. Thanks for reading.

PS. It's interesting going thru someone's personal belongings. You just never know what they will keep because it means something to them. I found a ticket stub from a pro baseball game I took Dad to in '92. We were living on different coasts at the time, and he had a business trip that brought him to my area. He was not a big baseball fan, and this was the only pro game he and I attended together. That one touched me when I found it and it is not going into the burn pile.

I’ve bins and bins of similar items. From my family over ~50 yrs and wife’s family...

Same issue and problem.

Goal, 1 bin a year as emotions wain

[Mick]

I've been through this myself. My Mom passed nearly 30 years ago, my Dad 20+. My siblings took everything of monetary value, and left nearly all of the personal stuff that had zero value to me. The first few years, I kept nearly all of it, but eventually, I came to grips with it, and started getting rid of stuff. I will keep some sentimental stuff, and appropriate pictures and such, but sooner or later (and probably sooner when we downsize), the rest of it will all go to the trash heap.

The thing I keep in mind is that, especially with my Dad, he wouldn't want me to continue through life dragging a bag of shit behind me simply because he used to own it. For example, he was an avid golfer, and I played golf with him a fair amount. It was sad when I tossed the last of his golf clubs, but I never used them, was never going to use them, they were so old I couldn't even give them away, so I tossed them. The good news is that until I typed out this post, I haven't thought about those clubs in at least a decade, and I don't miss having them around.

[MadInNc]

Originally Posted by Mick

I've been through this myself. My Mom passed nearly 30 years ago, my Dad 20+. My siblings took everything of monetary value, and left nearly all of the personal stuff that had zero value to me. The first few years, I kept nearly all of it, but eventually, I came to grips with it, and started getting rid of stuff. I will keep some sentimental stuff, and appropriate pictures and such, but sooner or later (and probably sooner when we downsize), the rest of it will all go to the trash heap.

The thing I keep in mind is that, especially with my Dad, he wouldn't want me to continue through life dragging a bag of shit behind me simply because he used to own it. For example, he was an avid golfer, and I played golf with him a fair amount. It was sad when I tossed the last of his golf clubs, but I never used them, was never going to use them, they were so old I couldn't even give them away, so I tossed them. The good news is that until I typed out this post, I haven't thought about those clubs in at least a decade, and I don't miss having them around.

I’ve two button box accordions

[Norm]

My dad was career Army, my son is career Army, I gave all his papers, photos, military stuff to him. I'm sure he'll add my stuff to that when I go.
Of late, I've been shredding useless memorabilia, trying to make some room in the file cabinets.

Other than sentimental value, tough call, it depends on how much you are attached, if no one to give to, shred.

[BayouCountry]

Originally Posted by Norm

My dad was career Army, my son is career Army, I gave all his papers, photos, military stuff to him. I'm sure he'll add my stuff to that when I go.
Of late, I've been shredding useless memorabilia, trying to make some room in the file cabinets.

Other than sentimental value, tough call, it depends on how much you are attached, if no one to give to, shred.

Pretty much the same with me. My daughter and her husband did two tours in Iraq. I gave them dad's flag (flown at the capital) and military items. They display it with their military items in the guest bedroom/office. Dad was quite a looker in his army uniform.

[DAB]

my mom passed last december, and dad has been going thru things, discovering piles of worthless stuffs. some stays, other goes (letters dating back 20 years from us kids and other friends).

and I know when dad passes, that this house of stuff they have will be my responsibility to go thru and pass out or dispose of. ugh.

anyone want a foot pedal pump organ (circa 1910). and we already have a house full of furniture, so not much to keep there either. clothes, paper work, knick knacks.....it's just stuff to those who don't own it, mostly worthless stuff. rooster plates anyone? yikes.

so i'll sell what i can, give away other stuff that people can use, and keep a little, and the rest goes to the dump.

just last week Mrs. DAB shredded her mom's final tax returns from 2009....yeah, we dragged that file box 2000 miles, yay.

and when i'm gone, we don't have any kids to absorb all our stuff, so some poor soul (lawyer likely) will get stuck getting rid of all our stuff.

[SnikPlosskin]

Oof this is a tough subject with me. I have my dads cell phone. It sits on my nightstand next to the XD45 he willed to me. (He has yet to call me but he hated talking on the phone) I have his spurs and two pairs of boots. I filled a plastic bag with sawdust from his shop because it smelled like him. Sometimes I go to the garage and open the bag just to smell it and try to remember. I’m gradually forgetting.

He was a master carpenter and made violins. I have a small urn with ashes and saw dust. I have a violin and the jigs he made along with several spruce tops.

I also have a baseball from my grandfather who was an usher after he retired at Brewer Stadium. It was a big deal for him. He loved the Brewers. He caught a foul ball. It was a treasure for him.

Same thing with my extended family with my grandparents. They took the valuable stuff. I showed up late and everything was gone. I looked in a trash can and found his personal journal, the baseball and his name tag from the foundry he worked in since he came to America. I also have the hat he wore almost every day.

I can’t part with any of it.

[RMVette]

Originally Posted by SnikPlosskin

Oof this is a tough subject with me. I have my dads cell phone. It sits on my nightstand next to the XD45 he willed to me. (He has yet to call me but he hated talking on the phone) I have his spurs and two pairs of boots. I filled a plastic bag with sawdust from his shop because it smelled like him. Sometimes I go to the garage and open the bag just to smell it and try to remember. I’m gradually forgetting.

He was a master carpenter and made violins. I have a small urn with ashes and saw dust. I have a violin and the jigs he made along with several spruce tops.

I also have a baseball from my grandfather who was an usher after he retired at Brewer Stadium. It was a big deal for him. He loved the Brewers. He caught a foul ball. It was a treasure for him.

Same thing with my extended family with my grandparents. They took the valuable stuff. I showed up late and everything was gone. I looked in a trash can and found his personal journal, the baseball and his name tag from the foundry he worked in since he came to America. I also have the hat he wore almost every day.

I can’t part with any of it.

My dad was a avid photographer and I inherited all the black and white photos from the 40’s till his death in 1983 along with all of the slides. Both my parents died before my children knew them so they have no connection or know who the people are in the photos. I’ve digitized a lot of them and posted them on FB so my cousins can enjoy them. I also have written family history from my grandmother of their life. I have a hard time throwing anything like this away and for now I intend on keeping all of it. I’m sharing as much as I can with others but that’s the extent of it.

I also have my childhood train set that was my brothers first, then mine. My brother said sell it and we’d split the money. It’s in my attic and I told him that I didn’t want to do it due to nostalgia.

After what you wrote about the smell of the wood, I reminisced about the smells from my dad’s garage and my grandfathers shop…. Sigh….

BTW… my grandfather made violins too, here’s one that I have that he made in 1965. I’ve never heard it played and as soon as this pandemic crap is over I’m going to search for someone to play it for me.

[BayouCountry]

I always knew you were a softy.

It's a little weird. My brother just called me today about mom's old sewing machine table. He just picked it up today from the shed because we recently sold our parents house. I can still hear the zug, zug, zug.

I guess I'll just go for another Four Roses while I reminisce. Seems you are as lucky as me to have a great family history.

Originally Posted by SnikPlosskin

Oof this is a tough subject with me. I have my dads cell phone. It sits on my nightstand next to the XD45 he willed to me. (He has yet to call me but he hated talking on the phone) I have his spurs and two pairs of boots. I filled a plastic bag with sawdust from his shop because it smelled like him. Sometimes I go to the garage and open the bag just to smell it and try to remember. I’m gradually forgetting.

He was a master carpenter and made violins. I have a small urn with ashes and saw dust. I have a violin and the jigs he made along with several spruce tops.

I also have a baseball from my grandfather who was an usher after he retired at Brewer Stadium. It was a big deal for him. He loved the Brewers. He caught a foul ball. It was a treasure for him.

Same thing with my extended family with my grandparents. They took the valuable stuff. I showed up late and everything was gone. I looked in a trash can and found his personal journal, the baseball and his name tag from the foundry he worked in since he came to America. I also have the hat he wore almost every day.

I can’t part with any of it.

[Thunder22]

Originally Posted by aerovette

How about scanning them and any other docs and pics and set up a tablet or screensaver that scrolls through all the scans and photos? Then when you burn them, you still have them.

I'm in the process of doing just this with my fathers stuff and the incredible number of family pictures that were in their house when I cleaned it out last year after he passed away.

I scanned over 700 pics today. Once i confirm that the pics are all good, i'm going to toss the originals.

[SnikPlosskin]

Originally Posted by RMVette

My dad was a avid photographer and I inherited all the black and white photos from the 40’s till his death in 1983 along with all of the slides. Both my parents died before my children knew them so they have no connection or know who the people are in the photos. I’ve digitized a lot of them and posted them on FB so my cousins can enjoy them. I also have written family history from my grandmother of their life. I have a hard time throwing anything like this away and for now I intend on keeping all of it. I’m sharing as much as I can with others but that’s the extent of it.

I also have my childhood train set that was my brothers first, then mine. My brother said sell it and we’d split the money. It’s in my attic and I told him that I didn’t want to do it due to nostalgia.

After what you wrote about the smell of the wood, I reminisced about the smells from my dad’s garage and my grandfathers shop…. Sigh….

BTW… my grandfather made violins too, here’s one that I have that he made in 1965. I’ve never heard it played and as soon as this pandemic crap is over I’m going to search for someone to play it for me.

Attachment 54919

Attachment 54920

Wow that is beautiful. Mine is one of the first ones he made. It’s a little rough around the f holes. I can’t play it either. He scratch built them and did French polishing for the finish like in the old times. He built his own jigs. I told him he could buy components but he wasn’t interested in that. It took about a year to make one. They sold for about $25k.

I think there are only about six in existence. I dont know where they are.

Another thing was Grandfather clocks. I got a call from a lady who had one in her resale shop. It had a sticker that had my dads name (same as mine) but the other half of the sticker was torn off. She looked me up on the web.

She said it had a high end German movement and thought it was manufactured. When I told her it was one of 11 handmade clocks she decided to keep it. My mom still has one. That ****er wakes you up at night scaring the piss out of you.

I would bolt awake thinking Quasimodo was trying to kill me.

[snide]

Originally Posted by SnikPlosskin

Wow that is beautiful. Mine is one of the first ones he made. It’s a little rough around the f holes. I can’t play it either. He scratch built them and did French polishing for the finish like in the old times. He built his own jigs. I told him he could buy components but he wasn’t interested in that. It took about a year to make one. They sold for about $25k.

I think there are only about six in existence. I dont know where they are.

Another thing was Grandfather clocks. I got a call from a lady who had one in her resale shop. It had a sticker that had my dads name (same as mine) but the other half of the sticker was torn off. She looked me up on the web.

She said it had a high end German movement and thought it was manufactured. When I told her it was one of 11 handmade clocks she decided to keep it. My mom still has one. That ****er wakes you up at night scaring the piss out of you.

I would bolt awake thinking Quasimodo was trying to kill me.

Your dad's name was Snik? You're Snik Jr?

[SnikPlosskin]

Originally Posted by snide

Your dad's name was Snik? You're Snik Jr?

Of course not you idiot. His name was Thrakkorzog. Sheesh.

[Aerovette]

I have a ton of pictures with Russian handwriting on the back. All family left behind I assume. I have no idea and my mom has no idea who is in them. Can't get rid of them though....at least not yet.

[NEED-A-VETTE]

I thought there were places to donate those types of documents for genealogy and archival purposes?

Edit: Maybe something like this?

https://www2.archivists.org/publicat...ing-familyrecs

https://www.familysearch.org/wiki/en...rary_Donations