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Old 09-22-2013, 9:12am   #1
Kerrmudgeon
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Default Good luck finding a FWB.........

......to this CL poster!

Quote:
Looking for a good Friend (with benefits) - 34
I'm not sure how to start this ad. I've tried tons of different things over the years but keep meeting the wrong people so last night I thought I would post something totally different but then I started receiving hate mail and my post keeps being deleted. I came up with a list of likes and dislikes but I see that the people I was trying to keep from answering me are the ones who are now bullying me but I am not going to give up since there is nothing wrong with my ad. If you feel offended by it then you certainly do not understand that not all people are looking for the same and this is not my problem but yours.

So here it is once again:

Before proceeding to message me, PLEASE READ carefully as I know most of you are all excited with the word "FWB" without really knowing what it means. You are all excited about the benefit part but forget what friends placed in front of it means. I also know very much what I like and don't like so please don't message me if reading the list you find one or more things that do not fit because you are both wasting your time and mine as well as making one more women crazy and giving up on "dating".

As a kid I was tested "gifted" so right off the bat I do not get along with most of the population because they do not understand things in the same manner I do. I see how screwed up this world is and also why. I may not have the way to fix it except I try to do some eye opening as I meet people and hopefully one day people will change and the balance will tip back or should I say get back to a balance.

I do not want a fwb relationship with you if:

-If you do not understand the true definition of a fwb (a friend first. friendship should be the key and sex should not be changing it. Obviously, you can not be considered a good enough friend for benefits after spending an hour here and there with me. Friendship is built on trust and respect and should remain there after one or the other have found a relationship or someone else for sex.)
-You work for the public sector except maybe if you are a teacher. definitely NO engineers
-For you hockey is more then just playing it in your back yard a few times a year
-You don't know what GMO means and don't know about Monsanto
-You drink alcohol more then socially (going to the bar every day isn't drinking socially)
-You are not 420 friendly and do not believe in it's medicinal powers. You still believe that marijuana is a drug that gives you munchies and kills brain cells.
-You drink bottled water and stuff
-You are materialistic
-You drive to go to the corner store
-You live further west then Lyon and further East then Blair or South of Walkley or in Gatineau/Hull (I choose to bike because of the environment and I don't want to give my money to big corporations, it would defy the purpose if you drove to me from further then that)
-You don't know about the tarsands and pipelines
-You don't know about Big Pharma
-You watch tv a lot. (Don't get me wrong there are some educational stuff on there... sometimes or a movie once in a while to enjoy a cuddle isn't bad even better if it's a documentary)
-You are no younger then 29 and no older then (I want to say 45 but I have met some 50-51 years old I really got along good with just not so much on the sexual side)
-You have low self esteem or are over confident
-You go to the gym but don't even bother walking or biking anywhere. You come with the muscles, the look and the attitude
-You are married (Should have put that first probably)

You should definitely message me if:

-You are Honest and Respectful (now being honest and respectful may sometimes mean breaking some rules)
-You are looking for a fwb.
-You understand I am not having sex right away. (I have very good fingers that I love using and that satisfy me every time)
-You have read and understood the above
-You are both intelligent and good with your hands
-You question things and not just accept everything people tell you
-You either don't feel like chatting forever before meeting up

I'm not very picky about looks although I prefer guys who are taller and bigger then me or same size. I am 5'9.5 and weight on average 200lbs. I like to cuddle and feeling small would definitely be a plus. I also don't care if we only share a few or lots of different likes as long as we have enough "material" to keep us doing some stuff together and not always the same thing. I like diversity, I get bored easily. From outdoors to indoors or physical to intellectual...

If you read through all this then you probably deserve to know that when the benefits come, you definitely won't be deceived. I can be a very sexual person if the rest is fulfilled.
Not very picky is she!

I started reading it and couldn't believe her attitude....then I read the bold part! ...what the heck does on average mean?

Last edited by Kerrmudgeon; 09-22-2013 at 9:33am.
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Old 09-22-2013, 9:27am   #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kerrmudgeon View Post
......to the CL poster!



Not very picky is she!

I started reading it and couldn't believe her attitude....then I read the bold part! ...what the heck does on average mean?
At birth - 7lbs
Currently - 800

Average weight for 34 year lifespan - 200lbs
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Old 09-22-2013, 9:30am   #3
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After reading all that crap, probably better off by yourself. She be a tad domineering.
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Old 09-22-2013, 9:35am   #4
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Quote:
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After reading all that crap, probably better off by yourself. She be a tad domineering.
If anyone was seriously thinking of a reply, it would be that their fingers and hands work fine too!
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Old 09-22-2013, 9:37am   #5
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The only real benefit I could see is you would never have to deal with leftovers.
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Old 09-22-2013, 9:42am   #6
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So, she wants a boyfriend.

But she's fat so she has to make it about sex.
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Old 09-22-2013, 9:43am   #7
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Figured out it was a fat chick way before she stated it.

I'll give her kudo's for actually fessing up to it though.
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Old 09-22-2013, 9:43am   #8
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Sounds like it was written by a guy... A very narcissistic, liberal, stupid, fat, and gay guy.
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Old 09-22-2013, 10:05am   #9
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Quote:
definitely NO engineers
yeah, without us, you wouldn't have a bike, or most of the stuff you use everyday.
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Old 09-22-2013, 10:16am   #10
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Real men aren't going to read ALL of that crap and what she wants. We just want to know if we are going to get lucky on the first date or not.
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Old 09-22-2013, 10:30am   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DAB View Post
yeah, without us, you wouldn't have a bike, or most of the stuff you use everyday.
I suspect it's because engineers can see straight through her stupid enviro-nazi bullshit. They can actually tell her she is incorrect, and prove it with math. She wouldn't like her little make-believe world to be upset.
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Old 09-22-2013, 10:46am   #12
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You know her bush starts above we belly button and ends at the small of her back. Talkin angry snatchzilla.
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Old 09-22-2013, 10:49am   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NeedSpeed View Post
So, she wants a boyfriend.
yup. you don't advertise FWB. it just kind of happens
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Old 09-22-2013, 10:55am   #14
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It sounded like a guy until the end. I think his/her tin foil hat slipped a little.
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Old 09-22-2013, 2:33pm   #15
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Ya..um, thanks but no thanks!

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Old 09-22-2013, 2:38pm   #16
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The seat must be inside her
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Old 09-22-2013, 2:40pm   #17
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She might have better luck finding her perfect match if she expands her search to Africa.

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Old 09-22-2013, 2:50pm   #18
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Paging Will.....
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Old 09-22-2013, 4:27pm   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sanchez View Post
You know her bush starts above we belly button and ends at the small of her back. Talkin angry snatchzilla.
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Old 09-22-2013, 6:22pm   #20
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Where's knooger? It didn't say no anal with animals, he's in
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