It's only been four months...

[BADRACR1]

It’s only been four months.
It’s only been four months since I’ve seen that little old lady, who never seemed old, walk across the drive to see what was going on.
It’s only been four months since I’ve heard her say “Good morning” as we left for work.
It’s only been four months since I’ve arrived home and walked over to the porch and sat, just to talk.
It’s only been four months since I’ve seen that smile, the twinkle in her eyes, or shared a laugh at something we both found amusing.
It’s only been four months since I’ve gotten an unexpected phone call asking if I could come look at something or check something out.
It’s only been four months since I’ve seen the furrows on her brow or the concern in her face as I told her of some new ache or pain.
It’s only been four months since people started asking me “How are you doing?”
It’s only been four months since I started telling myself there was no reason to grieve, that she’d had a full, wonderful life.
It’s only been four months since I’ve awakened every morning, and within a few minutes realized she wasn’t home.
It’s only been four months since I’ve heard the back door bump shut as she let the dog in for the night.
It’s only been four months since I’ve had a decent nights’ sleep. Wonder if they’re related?
It’s only been four months since I’ve started catching myself thinking of something I’d have to tell her or show her.
It’s only been four months since I’ve made her laugh and forget her day, even if just for a minute.
It’s only been four months since I’ve told her “Love ya, Ma” and heard her reply.
It's only been four months since I got that call asking "Can you come over? Something's wrong."

It’s only been four months since I lost my Mom. So why does it feel like so goddamn long?

[Barn Babe]

Nice.

[markids77]

Because the memories span your whole life. The pain will ease, but you will always find yourself reminded of something when you least expect it. I hope those reminders bring a smile or a knowing nod instead of pain as time goes by.

[Blademaker]

[BADRACR1]

Normally I do pretty good, but it's worse on days that I cut her yard. Just being where we walked and talked, planned and planted kills me. I'll be glad when the house is gone. Maybe it'll be easier then.

[lspencer534]

Originally Posted by BADRACR1

Normally I do pretty good, but it's worse on days that I cut her yard. Just being where we walked and talked, planned and planted kills me. I'll be glad when the house is gone. Maybe it'll be easier then.

It will be better when the house is gone. I went through the same thing: Mowing the grass, cleaning the gutters, keeping the house up until it sold. The sale of the house made a closure in that chapter of my life. It will for you, too. It'll be sad, but restorative for you.

[BADRACR1]

She lived next door, but at least I won't be over there constantly.

[DukeAllen]

Next week is 3 months for me.

[LilRedCorvette]

Originally Posted by BADRACR1

It’s only been four months.
It’s only been four months since I’ve seen that little old lady, who never seemed old, walk across the drive to see what was going on.
It’s only been four months since I’ve heard her say “Good morning” as we left for work.
It’s only been four months since I’ve arrived home and walked over to the porch and sat, just to talk.
It’s only been four months since I’ve seen that smile, the twinkle in her eyes, or shared a laugh at something we both found amusing.
It’s only been four months since I’ve gotten an unexpected phone call asking if I could come look at something or check something out.
It’s only been four months since I’ve seen the furrows on her brow or the concern in her face as I told her of some new ache or pain.
It’s only been four months since people started asking me “How are you doing?”
It’s only been four months since I started telling myself there was no reason to grieve, that she’d had a full, wonderful life.
It’s only been four months since I’ve awakened every morning, and within a few minutes realized she wasn’t home.
It’s only been four months since I’ve heard the back door bump shut as she let the dog in for the night.
It’s only been four months since I’ve had a decent nights’ sleep. Wonder if they’re related?
It’s only been four months since I’ve started catching myself thinking of something I’d have to tell her or show her.
It’s only been four months since I’ve made her laugh and forget her day, even if just for a minute.
It’s only been four months since I’ve told her “Love ya, Ma” and heard her reply.
It's only been four months since I got that call asking "Can you come over? Something's wrong."

It’s only been four months since I lost my Mom. So why does it feel like so goddamn long?

Originally Posted by DukeAllen

Next week is 3 months for me.

My sincerest condolences to both of you. Be grateful and glad that you had that time and that you had a close relationship...not everyone has that luxury.

Relations with mine became so toxic that I had to break off communications. The funny thing is, her relationship with her father (my grandfather) was also strained. It was a relief to her when he died and she had some (not-so-complimentary) words for him at his casket before they took him away. I would probably do the same, but I have no desire to be there to say goodbye, whenever that happens.

Take care and be well.

[LATB]

I never felt so "adult" until I lost my mom. Even though I was 50 and out of the parental home for over 3 decades...

It was like a subliminal thing: "dude, you're really on your own now".
Then a couple nightmares cleared that up.

[LATB]

Originally Posted by BADRACR1

She lived next door, but at least I won't be over there constantly.

We just moved into our new place. My wife's mom in a cottage I built on the property. The plan was, when she goes to Jesus...we'll rent out the guest house.

Well, 6 months in and I can tell...wife will not be comfortable with her moms cottage right there at the end if the driveway.

When she goes (she's 87)...I be building & moving again.

[MrPeabody]

Originally Posted by LATB

I never felt so "adult" until I list my mom. Even though I was 50 and out of the parental home for over 3 decades...

It was like a subliminal thing: "dude, you're really on your own now".
Then a couple nightmares cleared that up.

Same thing happened to me. As we left the funeral home after the service I looked at my two brothers and said "We all got a lot older today." They nodded in agreement.

[Milton Fox]

[LATB]

Originally Posted by MrPeabody

Same thing happened to me. As we left the funeral home after the service I looked at my two brothers and said "We all got a lot older today." They nodded in agreement.

Indeed.
At that moment when I got the call on Christmas Eve 2010. I grew up a lot. I became quite a bit less of an ass hole.
And I've worked everyday since to be less and less of one.
Serious.

[DukeAllen]

Originally Posted by LATB

I never felt so "adult" until I lost my mom. Even though I was 50 and out of the parental home for over 3 decades...

It was like a subliminal thing: "dude, you're really on your own now".
Then a couple nightmares cleared that up.

I'm really been there over the summer, down to the nightmares.

I feel like I'm on the high wire without the net

[Aerovette]

I dread the day and cannot begin to imagine what you are feeling.

[MrPeabody]

Originally Posted by LATB

Indeed.
At that moment when I got the call on Christmas Eve 2010. I grew up a lot. I became quite a bit less of an ass hole.
And I've worked everyday since to be less and less of one.
Serious.

I think it's because we know mom won't be there to defend us if we screw up.

Regarding nightmares, I'm not sure what you mean, but I have just the opposite. In my dreams, mom and dad are alive and well and all is normal. The dreams aren't frequent, but they are very pleasant.

[LATB]

Originally Posted by MrPeabody

I think it's because we know mom won't be there to defend us if we screw up.

Regarding nightmares, I'm not sure what you mean, but I have just the opposite. In my dreams, mom and dad are alive and well and all is normal. The dreams aren't frequent, but they are very pleasant.

I only had a couple. Close after the funeral. After I returned to Florida. Not horror...more shocking. She was in the room with me in the middle of the night. I swear it.

[MrPeabody]

Originally Posted by LATB

I only had a couple. Close after the funeral. After I returned to Florida. Not horror...more shocking. She was in the room with me in the middle of the night. I swear it.

I see. In the dreams I have, it's just as if they never died. The thought of them being back from the dead just never enters my mind. It's just another day with mom and/or dad.

[DukeAllen]

Most of my dreams of my parents are pleasant, but I had one where she was literally a boo-type ghost.