The stimulus package explained

99 pewtercoupe · 04-02-2020, 3:35pm

This explains it all.

Sometime this year, we taxpayers will likely receive another economic stimulus.
It is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it by using a Q&A format:

Q: What is an Economic Stimulus?
A: It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q: Where will the government get this money?
A: From taxpayers.

Q: Is the government simply giving me back my own money, then?
A: No, only a smidgen of it.

Q: What is the purpose of this payment?
A: The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high definition
television set, a new iPad, or a new SUV, thus stimulating the
economy.

Q: Isn't that stimulating the economy of China?
A: Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U. S. Economy
with your stimulus check. Use it wisely:

* If you spend the stimulus money at Walmart the money will go to
China or Sri Lanka.
* if you spend it on gasoline, the money will go to the Arabs.
* if you purchase a computer, it goes to India, Taiwan or China.
* if you purchase fruits and vegetables, it will go to Mexico,
Honduras, and Guatemala.
* if you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea.
* if you purchase useless stuff, it goes to Taiwan.
* if you pay your credit card off, or buy stock, it will go to
management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

Instead, keep the money in America by:

(1) Spending it at a yard sale, or
(2) Going to a ballgame, or
(3) Spending it on prostitutes, or
(4) Beer, or
(5) Tattoos
(These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S.)

CONCLUSION: Go to a ballgame with a tattooed prostitute that you met
at a yard sale and drink beer all day.

No need to thank me, I'm just glad to be of help.
😁.