I need your advice, folks...

[Giraffe (He/Him)]

Never had kids, don't know how I'd feel.

But. I was a my life, I'll do whatever I want with it type. You can point out all the facts, tell her you're disappointed and talk until the Barbies come home. But she's gonna do, what she's gonna do. As long as you make it clear like my dad did; you're on your own. Ain't no 11th hour bail out coming. And I knew my father. There was and still isn't any bullshit with the man.

wants to be a cop. Admirable, but not much money

So?

[mrvette]

I recommend she get a .gov job......seriously.....put up with whatever for a couple years, get tenure, and don't have to show up even.....


Can't GET easier work than a .gov job.....

unless it's .mil/.pol/fireEMT.......

[lspencer534]

Originally Posted by bill_daniels

Spence, I know this isn't fully applicable, but let me tell you about my friend Bret. He graduated undergrad in 3 1/2 yrs and went to law school. He graduated, and worked for several different attorneys, disliking each position more than the last. He then worked for Anderson Consulting (remember Arthur Anderson?) for a while and hated that, telling me, "I feel like we are just here to rip off the client and bill hours," or something to that effect. His next job, and finally true calling, was as a history professor at a local college. He's the department chair, and he absolutely loves teaching, loves everything about it except for the politics, which are unavoidable most any place.

I think she is throwing in the towel too early. Is there some other law type job she could work at? Another good friend of mine works for ICE as a lawyer, deporting illegals. There are other jobs, particularly state and federal jobs, that consider a JD as a real doctorate degree when formulating pay rates. Maybe something that she could do that the law degree is applicable to?

One other thing......I'd kind of have to insist that she give you some kind of notice, if she hasn't already. Can she see her current caseload through to fruition? Can she at least give 2 weeks, and make it the best two weeks of her short career with you?

Anyway, I feel for you, you want to give your daughter a gift, the gift of financial security, and I really admire that. I hope you both can resolve this without damaging the father/daughter bond.


OK, now, with the level of (surprisingly good) advice and caring demonstrated in this thread, you need to show your appreciation to the VB by either springing for everybody's Barn Raising trip, or, failing that, making with the daughter pics.

She's the one on the left.

[MEC5LADY]

Originally Posted by lspencer534

You have said pretty much everything I feel. Thank you for understanding and being on my "side". I am very disappointed in her, and I think she is acting like a child. Tonight she e-mailed me to ask me to suggest a good team name for her Trivial Pursit competition. WTF??? She's 26.

Wow all I could say is WTF!! I'm sorry to say this but she is really out of touch with reality. Babysitting? Waitressing? She plans on paying her bills with what little that would bring in? Does she think that she is going to live the life she is used to even if she fails because she thinks you will step in and rescue her? I'm sorry and this might be mean to say but I just can't picture your daughter for lack of better terminology "slumming" it to make ends meet. I'd be letting her know real quick that it's her life and her decisions right or wrong and those choices she makes she will need to learn from that you won't be enabling her. She needs to learn what it's like to not have Daddy to catch her and enable her to do as she pleases without regard to you or all you have done for her. The hardest part of all of this is for you to stand by and let her make mistakes without stepping in when she fails. She needs to learn to stand on her own to feet and work for what she wants then maybe she will actually value it. Tough love I guess is what some people call it but to me it's common sense. Why do well or want to work hard when you know there is someone who is going to step in and take care of things. Oh and as far as her house goes, I'd be letting her know that you have no intention of letting her default on the loan but that if she can't make the payments then you will have to find someone who can. It's a tough world out there and she will need to have a reality check and what better way than to have to rely on nobody but herself. Damn this pisses me off and I don't even know her but feel free to give her a swift kick in the arse from me since I can't do it personally.

[99 pewtercoupe]

Originally Posted by Knooger

Man, that's wildly inappropriate. Even by my standards.

You have standards?

[Knooger]

Originally Posted by 99 pewtercoupe

You have standards?

Not really, I was bluffing on that part.

[99 pewtercoupe]

Originally Posted by Knooger

Not really, I was bluffing on that part.

Ok... For a couple of minutes there I was afraid the Earth was going to spin out of it's orbit

[Jeff '79]

Originally Posted by lspencer534

She's the one on the left.

Good stuff, made in Tuscany.....

[NEED-A-VETTE]

Originally Posted by lspencer534

You have said pretty much everything I feel. Thank you for understanding and being on my "side". I am very disappointed in her, and I think she is acting like a child. Tonight she e-mailed me to ask me to suggest a good team name for her Trivial Pursit competition. WTF??? She's 26.

She IS acting like a child. She's going to be an (almost) 30-year old babysitter. Fu(king awesome.

Sorry, but I completely disagree with almost eveything everyone else has said here. This "let her find her way" bulllshit is worth about as much and rainbows and unicorns in the real world. That stopped being cute at about 23.

There are a lot of things she can do with that law degree. She's not being forced into anything. She can decide what to do with that degree. Babysitting and hostessing? That's a slap in the damn face.

Unfortunately, by buying her a home, paying for her college, supporting her thru college...she didn't earn any respect for money or the value of a dollar. And she has no respect for how hard you have worked to earn tghe money that paid for those things.

It's the flippant attitude that's most disrespectful, I think. Like one big huge "Feck You!!!"

I'd write more, but I am still at work...and will be for a few more hours.

[JRD77VET]

I've been ready thru the thread and from my outside perspective, it seems she wants to "coast". You have done well and have provided her with shelter, education and the business you busted your ass on to make successful.

She's obviously smart to make it thru law school and pass the bar exam. Perhaps she thinks work is too hard and life would be easier on Dad's coat tails.

Maybe it's time for a reality check for her to realize she is responsible for her well being. If she wants to work for ramon's noodle wages, maybe she should do with what SHE can afford.

Good luck, the parent wants to help but sometimes the kid needs to sink a little before swimming.

Jeff

[Giraffe (He/Him)]

This "let her find her way" bulllshit is worth about as much and rainbows and unicorns in the real world.

I still maintain, it's her life. But not her life with daddy as a safety net. That I'll agree is bullshit.

[American Made]

Originally Posted by NEED-A-VETTE

She IS acting like a child. She's going to be an (almost) 30-year old babysitter. Fu(king awesome.

Sorry, but I completely disagree with almost eveything everyone else has said here. This "let her find her way" bulllshit is worth about as much and rainbows and unicorns in the real world. That stopped being cute at about 23.

There are a lot of things she can do with that law degree. She's not being forced into anything. She can decide what to do with that degree. Babysitting and hostessing? That's a slap in the damn face.

Unfortunately, by buying her a home, paying for her college, supporting her thru college...she didn't earn any respect for money or the value of a dollar. And she has no respect for how hard you have worked to earn tghe money that paid for those things.

It's the flippant attitude that's most disrespectful, I think. Like one big huge "Feck You!!!"

I'd write more, but I am still at work...and will be for a few more hours.

That's tough love Gambino style!! What if she is more talented at something else? Back again to trusting your influence/upbringing in your child and trusting their choices. The law degree will not go to waste whatever she does imo.

[markids77]

I disappointed my parents again at about that same age (for the last time BTW) and my father's response has guided me to this day... he told me that I would never starve because I was welcome home at meal time, or after business hours anytime, but living arrangements were now completely my responsibility because damn it; if I knew it all I could do it all for myself. Then he showed me the door! Perhaps your young lady needs an exercise in adulthood which probably should include an eviction notice from the house you paid for. Hard on you because you obviously love her (like my parents did as well), but it damned sure worked for me.

[MrPeabody]

I think she needs to consider what else she can do with a law degree. It sounds like all she has been exposed to is the type of work you do at your firm.

For instance, my wife is an RN. She liked working in hospitals, but she had to try other types of medical work before she found that out. Specifically, she found out she liked to work with newborns. But that was after ten years of trying different things. She ended here career wearing business clothes pushing paper around a desk as a case manager and discharge planner.

But one can work as an RN without ever seeing a patient or setting foot in a doctor's office or a hospital. RNs are employed by insurance companies, law enforcement agencies, schools, etc.

I'm sure the situation is similar with attorneys, there must be a large variety of things she could do. Maybe she just doesn't like case law and courtrooms. She needs to explore what else she can do to put her education to work. Perhaps she would like the prosecution side of the law, or being a victim advocate, or something like that. Maybe even teaching. Let her think she is following her dreams, but give her some guidance.

Whatever path she takes, best of luck to her and you.

[99 pewtercoupe]

My BIL is going through a situation with his 26 yr old daughter. She has considered him her personal ATM for a number of years as she was going through college and various career paths he paid for. We have been telling him for at least 3 years now to cut off the money. She just announced she is moving from FL ( same state he lives in) to CA. Originally told him she didn't need any help from him. Couldn't even drive out there without running into trouble where she was calling him for money. He loves her and wants her in his life but she plays him like a fiddle. Hopefully it is finally sinking in to him

[NEED-A-VETTE]

Originally Posted by Thomas

I still maintain, it's her life. But not her life with daddy as a safety net. That I'll agree is bullshit.

Yes, it is her life. However, let's not forget the virtue of respect. There's a compromise between taking over his law firm and being a waitress. She could find something to do with that degree that she would enjoy that would also honor the hard work that spence put into helping her. Babysitting? Get the hell out of here.

Unfortunately, she's right. Without a mortgage or rent payment, she can keep her expenses down. What's her motivation to do better than waitressing or babysitting?

Hopefully, she'll see the success that her friends around her have and will eventually wake up.

[Fastguy]

You paid for her education, got her started in a house and she doesn't feel even a little bit obligated to see this through for a few years? Bullshit.
She needs to grow up. It's not all unicorns and rainbows out there. Sandy put it better than I could, she has a golden opportunity to get experience that will let her do anything she wants later on, and she is blowing it.

[NCC-1701]

Originally Posted by lspencer534

No, I had nothing to do with her career path...that I know of, anyway. Her last year of college she told me she had decided to go to law school. It cams as a surprise to me. She did well in law school and seemed to like it.

BF is still here, going to college to get a degree...but still wants to be a cop. Admirable, but not much money. From what she says she wants nothing to do with law, even A DOJ job.

Well I beg to differ here in south Fl lawyers are a dime a dozen and make less than police officers. Fact. Most police officers in south fl retire as millionaires because of the DROP plan, deferred compensation, and pensions. Same as nozzleheads (firemen). Not to mention paid medical for life.

[LisaJohn]

This is a tough one. Did she have a bad day or two, maybe pms, recently spent time with the college friend and missing the college lifestyle, broke up with boyfriend, momentary loss of confidence? Maybe give it a few days? If she is still set on making a change work out a timeframe and give her all her bills.

Remember that she is your daughter first and foremost. Would you really want her to be unhappy with her career choice for the rest of her life?

[Knooger]

Originally Posted by Fastguy

she is blowing it.

Passing up on a joke opportunity here.