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Old 05-13-2019, 8:50pm   #1
SnikPlosskin
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Default So this happened to me today

Iím typing this from sitting on the toilet, peeing. I donít usually sit. But right now, it hurts so damn bad I thought my knees might buckle. (Does he have VD? Did he hit his schlock with a hammer? Been eating light bulbs again?)

Nope. I had an X-ray today. Of my urerethra. And guess what? They use contrast dye. And guess how they put it in?

First some chick grabs my dick. In a clinical way. Not a good way. Then, she ties a long strip of gauze around the head to pull it straight. (I bet that gauze was big).

Then the fun starts. That lovely tattooed lady took a giant syringe with a plastic nozzle and jammed it up my dick. Then she shot dye under pressure up to my eyeballs.

That fluid apparently is like Draino. It feels like pissing razor blades now. And it lasts an hour after peeing.

This barbary is to measure the damage done by previous nurse Ratchet to prepare to......wait for it....







Have my urethra rebuilt. (Holy shit, now my knees gave out). Luckily not in the masterpiece of manhood itself, but way up in there, under the jewels. Which involves cutting and digging and robots. And some sort of contraption that pulls your balls out of the way up to your chin apparently. I understand it breaks blood vessels and feels like youíve been kicked in the nads for six months.

But wait, thereís more. I get to have a catheter up my pork implement for thirty days. (Thatís it, Iím out of this thread.) I thought I was going to off myself last time and it was only 9 days.

Hopefully by Wed. No more peeing razors. But we are just getting started.

Seriously. Iím terrified. Please say a prayer. It ainít gonna kill me but it is absolutely brutal. It will take everything Iíve got to get through it.

You heard it here first. (Holy hell, man!)

(When will it happen?) Not sure when. In the next few months. Have to spread out chemo (which means Iíll be out of remission that just took six months to get back) because it delays healing.

If I donít do it, one night Iíll be posting here and then wonít be able to pee at all. Then, my kidneys back up and fail. Then hospital, more brutality and hopefully I get out alive. Only to be right back to where I started.

No choice. And no lawyers will take it on because of the complexity of my situation.

On the upside, Iíve been made an honorary Marine. My buddy said Iíll have to ďMarine upĒ. I said ďIím not a Marine you twit.Ē He said, ďYou are now.Ē

How was your day?
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Old 05-13-2019, 10:00pm   #2
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That just sucks out loud, sorry to hear it last coupla days been having pain in same area of my last kidney stone (left ureter all scarred) so I kind of understand what you're going through.

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How was your day?
Although not as bad as yours, pretty shitty...got a summons for jury duty in the mail today, which ought to be great with the above mentioned problem. For self-employed people like myself with chronic health problems, the .gov simply does not care.

In the event my number gets called up, I heard that the lawyers hate opinionated people, so I'll just be myself and I should be home by noon.
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Old 05-14-2019, 6:22am   #3
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anything is better than death.

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Old 05-14-2019, 6:49am   #4
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Prayers dude. Donít let them Vegas Jen you while youíre in there.
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Old 05-14-2019, 6:54am   #5
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Prayers dude. Donít let them Vegas Jen you while youíre in there.
Sounds to me like Vegas Jen got out easy compared to this.
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Old 05-14-2019, 6:58am   #6
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good luck man
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Old 05-14-2019, 8:01am   #7
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Thanks all. Iíll live. Other people have. Then Iíll be able to pee like a young man!

Iím betting Jens was far worse.
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Old 05-14-2019, 8:39am   #8
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Geez that sux Pete. I am not ashamed to say you are a better man than I am to be able to go through all that.
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Old 05-14-2019, 11:24am   #9
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I ASSume you been all through the various pee pills, so far they/it is enough to keep me peeing all day.....
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Old 05-14-2019, 1:30pm   #10
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Geez that sux Pete. I am not ashamed to say you are a better man than I am to be able to go through all that.
It takes no better man. I have no choice. You would do the same.


Iím so exhausted from pain. Itís starting to subside now. I think the pain dumps cortisol into your brain then runs it runs low on the hormone temporarily. Phew.

Iím going to sleep for a few hours. This episode will be over by tonight. Then itís back to worrying about the real surgery.

What can you do really? Just endure. There will be a day when the pain canít be remembered and the episode will seem like a dream. Time heals all.

That is the light in the tunnel.
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Old 05-14-2019, 1:53pm   #11
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Damn man, are you certain that you are not in a prison camp in Vietnam? All I'm hearing so far are stories of torture. I hope that compared to everything else you've endured, maybe this won't be so bad in the long run. Hang in there brother!!
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Old 05-14-2019, 3:05pm   #12
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Damn that sucks, I was cringing just reading it and I donít have to live it. Prayers that it is the start of a good string coming your way
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Old 05-14-2019, 6:22pm   #13
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Damn, Pete...what else can happen to you??? I thought a catheter was bad! Anywaym my prayers are with you.
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Old 05-14-2019, 6:35pm   #14
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Damn, Pete...what else can happen to you??? I thought a catheter was bad! Anywaym my prayers are with you.
*Peeeeeeeeeeeete.
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Old 05-14-2019, 7:43pm   #15
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Damn, Pete...what else can happen to you??? I thought a catheter was bad! Anywaym my prayers are with you.
The catheter thing caused all of this. It is crazy that itís ON TOP of everything else. Good grief.
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Old 05-14-2019, 7:56pm   #16
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Damn, Pete, when you were learning to play the guitar did you make some kind of Robert Johnson/Crossroads deal with the Devil or something?
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Old 05-14-2019, 8:27pm   #17
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First off, I am sorry you are having to go through all this crap.


Second, as I was reading this I was laughing so hard my eyes were watering. After the week we have had I needed a good laugh. Thank you, sir!
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Old 05-14-2019, 8:32pm   #18
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Prayers for a successful fix for you

Jeff
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Old 05-15-2019, 8:23pm   #19
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No more pain today. Now we see what the surgeon says.
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Old 05-15-2019, 8:34pm   #20
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Quote:
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No more pain today. Now we see what the surgeon says.
Wait 'till you get the bill.




Seriously, glad you're feeling better and still with us.
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