Wifey on plane to Assville, to pick up Elvis, BUT,,,

[zeek]

Drink all the beer and alcohol in the house. Be sure to throw all the empties in the outside trash can. Then tell her what a great job you did emptying the fridge and taking out the garbage....

[Red Baron]

Originally Posted by Onebadcad

BEST SUPERIOR TOP-TIER NUGGET YET!!
Best advice yet, not sure why I did not go straight to you with a PM.
How long have you enjoyed marital bliss RB,,, 40 years, 50 years??

Empathy is the key here. If I may cite an example, when we first moved in here she was going around all day sweeping everything into her hands, so by doing what I did she realized how much I cared. I went out and bought her the dust pan.

[dvarapala]

Originally Posted by zeek

Drink all the beer and alcohol in the house. Be sure to throw all the empties in the outside trash can. Then tell her what a great job you did emptying the fridge and taking out the garbage....

Did you hack into my security cameras or something?

[Moond0ggie]

Run the upstairs bathroom sink faucet for 45 min. until it floods the floor & stains the downstairs ceiling ,
then you can say that you spent all your time on a plumbing repair & didnt have time for anything else .

[slewfoot]

No shots on this one.

I recall she is bringing back a puppy? Puppy proof the place. Get down on hands and knees and crawl around and look in and around and behind everything. Under the beds or couch.

Look for anything a puppy will grab and chew on, plant leaf, dirt wads, dust bunnies WIRES and so on.

If there is something around, damn dog will find it. Even outside.

[MadInNc]

Hire naked maids service when they are sure to be there when she comes home… she’ll never ask again👍



Edit: Make sure they are hot

[LisaJohn]

Well bless your little heart. It’s really simple. At a minimum the house should look like when she left. Do the dishes, a load of laundry, clean up your mess in the bathroom. Score a few extra points by doing some puppy prep.
You’re welcome.

[ricks327]

Originally Posted by The_Dude

You should be able to find young women on craigslist willing to clean your house

I did!!!!

[Onebadcad]

Originally Posted by Moond0ggie

Run the upstairs bathroom sink faucet for 45 min. until it floods the floor & stains the downstairs ceiling ,
then you can say that you spent all your time on a plumbing repair & didnt have time for anything else .

That could get very expensive, as entire upstairs is top-of-the-line laminate remnant substiture from china, I paid like $0.15/square yard, install included.

[Onebadcad]

Originally Posted by ricks327

I did!!!!


Attachment 99955

She would be picking headboard splinters out of her forehead for decades!!

[Onebadcad]

Originally Posted by slewfoot

No shots on this one.

I recall she is bringing back a puppy? Puppy proof the place. Get down on hands and knees and crawl around and look in and around and behind everything. Under the beds or couch.

Look for anything a puppy will grab and chew on, plant leaf, dirt wads, dust bunnies WIRES and so on.

If there is something around, damn dog will find it. Even outside.

This is puppy #3 I will be breaking-in in the past five years.

I am an expert:

1) just put them in the cage, cage is for maybe two months
2) cage will full spare bedroom in a month or so, we have fencing system
3) always close door, especially with Ringo and Dolly trying to jailbreak
4) let them cry, and complain, no interruptions to potty and peepee training
5) at about 9 months all should be good, reward with new sleeping accomodations in the master suite

BIG PROBLEM, this would put THREE dogs on our bed, I think I may be sleeping in one of the spare rooms

[Millenium Vette]

Originally Posted by Onebadcad

,,, she told me to clean up the house before she gets back tomorrow.

WTF does that mean, I am unsure, do I hire a cleaning service, or leave my clothes on the island stools.

Biggest mess is Ringo's and Dolly's toys strewn all over, adds character to our abode.

Need some sage wisdom here,,,

No idea. Shit, I ain't vacuumed in 5 years and throw my empty beer cans into the unused family room. Probably wouldn't work out so well if I didn't live alone.

[Ronins2ndCuzzin]

Treat this situation like I would...

I treat everyone as I wish to be treated, therefore I never make a mess in my own home, and if I do, I clean it up. Therefore NONE of the remaining mess is mine to clean up. I'd clean the things I use (if I felt like they were dirty) and nothing more.

If she gives you shit for not cleaning up after her, then grab a large trash bag and anything not in in the place it should be gets tossed out. And I mean anything, dishes, cups, clothes, papers, etc. I guarantee you she'll NEVER ask you to clean up after her again.

[Red Baron]

Originally Posted by LisaJohn

Well bless your little heart. It’s really simple. At a minimum the house should look like when she left. Do the dishes, a load of laundry, clean up your mess in the bathroom. Score a few extra points by doing some puppy prep.
You’re welcome.

Gotta one-up ya, here.
Build or buy a doggie toy box to keep all the toys in their proper place. The floor will look nice and clean after you Swiffer it, and tripping hazards will be removed. This shows organization and concern for her safety.
Next, do a deep clean of the entire living area and kitchen-don't forget the pledge for the furniture and comet for the sinks.
Put one dozen large red roses in a crystal vase on the dinning room table where she will view it in less that one minute after entering the house. Leaning up against the vase should be a Hallmark card detailing how dear she is to you, how much you missed her, and write some other nice words inside including when you are going to take her to the fanciest restaurant in town.
Ten minutes before she walks through the door, spray some real nice Glade scent all over the house.
And that, my friend, is how to treat your wife!

P.S. Paint "You Ain't Nothin' But A Hound Dog" on the toy box, and buy Elvis a gold collar that sparkles with bling because after all, ...He's ELVIS!

[Onebadcad]

Originally Posted by Millenium Vette

No idea. Shit, I ain't vacuumed in 5 years and throw my empty beer cans into the unused family room. Probably wouldn't work out so well if I didn't live alone.

BALLER DELUXE!!

[Onebadcad]

Originally Posted by Ronins2ndCuzzin

Treat this situation like I would...

I treat everyone as I wish to be treated, therefore I never make a mess in my own home, and if I do, I clean it up. Therefore NONE of the remaining mess is mine to clean up. I'd clean the things I use (if I felt like they were dirty) and nothing more.

If she gives you shit for not cleaning up after her, then grab a large trash bag and anything not in in the place it should be gets tossed out. And I mean anything, dishes, cups, clothes, papers, etc. I guarantee you she'll NEVER ask you to clean up after her again.

HARDARSE DELUXE!!

[Onebadcad]

NEVER EVER EVER FLY ALLEGIANT AIRLINES, THEY BLOW CHUNKS!!

Wife had few options from FLL, allegiant was direct, only one flight daily, flew up yesterday, was supposed to be back at 2:30 PM today.
Weather delays CLAIMED, she will now be arriving around 8:00 PM.

Me thinks she will be so damn mad about the 5+ hours flight delay, the filthy house will not bother her!!

[vettemed]

Originally Posted by Onebadcad

NEVER EVER EVER FLY ALLEGIANT AIRLINES, THEY BLOW CHUNKS!!

Wife had few options from FLL, allegiant was direct, only one flight daily, flew up yesterday, was supposed to be back at 2:30 PM today.
Weather delays CLAIMED, she will now be arriving around 8:00 PM.

Me thinks she will be so damn mad about the 5+ hours flight delay, the filthy house will not bother her!!

yeah, sounds about right. I'm sure when she gets home at 9:30 tonight the filthy stinking house will be almost un-noticeable to her.

[Onebadcad]

Originally Posted by vettemed

yeah, sounds about right. I'm sure when she gets home at 9:30 tonight the filthy stinking house will be almost un-noticeable to her.

That is the proven strategy, I may take here through the Arby's drive-thru to add an hour to her home arrival time, which would be close to 11 PM, and at 11 PM not much matters except the bed being made--OH SHIT, I better do at least that.

[Red Baron]

Originally Posted by Onebadcad

That is the proven strategy, I may take here through the Arby's drive-thru to add an hour to her home arrival time, which would be close to 11 PM, and at 11 PM not much matters except the bed being made--OH SHIT, I better do at least that.

Make sure you get everything out of it first.