Retire to the south.

[VITE1]

Georgia
The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice,
so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.

He called her into his office and said, "Y’all graduated from the University of
Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"

The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everthang but my earrings.”

Louisiana
A senior citizen in Louisiana was overheard saying, "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana .."

When asked why, he replied, "I’d rather be in Louisiana ‘cause everythang happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the world."

Mississippi
The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"

Bubba replied, "Did y’all see who it was?"

The young man answered, "I couldn’t tell, but I got the license number."

North Carolina
A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it.
Then he got back in the car to wait.
A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was. The man replied, "I got a flat tahr.”
The passerby asked, "But what’s with the flowers?"
The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither."

Tennessee
A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65.

The trooper asked, "Got any ID?"
The driver replied, "Bout whut?"

Texas
The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch?

Don’t you see that sign right over your head."

"Yep," he replied. "That’s why I’m dumpin’ it here, ‘cause it says: ‘Fine For Dumping Garbage.’"

Y’all kin say whut y’all want ‘about the South, but y’all never heard o’ nobody retirin’ an’ movin’ North, have ya?

[MrPeabody]