And the wife says...(joke)

[BADRACR1]

What the difference between a hooker, your mistress and your Wife?

A hooker says "Come on baby. come on baby, come on. "

Your mistress says, Oh baby, Oh baby, Oh baby..."

Your wife says, "Beige, yeah, Beige, I think I'll paint the ceiling Beige."

[Kerrmudgeon]

An oldie but a goodie.....but then, so am I!

[BADRACR1]

Cop sees a guy walk out of a bar, obviously really snockered. Guy stumbles along the side walk with his keys in his hand. Cop walks up to him and says "Buddy, we need to get you home, you're a mess. Where's your car?".

Drunk stares at his keys and says "Last tie I saw it was on the end of this car key".

Cop "You're really messed up, you've puked all over the front of your shirt, you can't walk, even your fly is open and your junk is hanging out".

Drunk stares down at his manhood and says "Dammit, I've lost my girlfriend too".

[BADRACR1]

A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness.
Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway.
You're going to be ok, you'll walk again and everything, but your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it."
The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got $9000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis.
They work great but they don't come cheap. It's roughly $1000 an inch."
The man perks up. "So," the doctor says, “You must decide how many inches you want. But this is something you should discuss with your wife.
IF you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out.
If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision."
The man agrees to talk it over with his wife. He comes back the very next day to see the Doctor, "So, have you spoken with your wife?"
"Yes sir I have," says the man.

"And has she helped you make a decision?"

"Yes" says the man.

"What is your alls decision?" asks the doctor.

"We're getting granite countertops."

[04 commemorative]

Originally Posted by BADRACR1

A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness.
Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway.
You're going to be ok, you'll walk again and everything, but your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it."
The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got $9000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis.
They work great but they don't come cheap. It's roughly $1000 an inch."
The man perks up. "So," the doctor says, “You must decide how many inches you want. But this is something you should discuss with your wife.
IF you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out.
If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision."
The man agrees to talk it over with his wife. He comes back the very next day to see the Doctor, "So, have you spoken with your wife?"
"Yes sir I have," says the man.

"And has she helped you make a decision?"

"Yes" says the man.

"What is your alls decision?" asks the doctor.

"We're getting granite countertops."

Do you think they will "seal" them ?

[Mike Mercury]

[NavyC5]

[Kerrmudgeon]

Doctors Visit......

The husband was a bit embarrassed and told the doctor he had
trouble getting an erection with his wife and she was getting
frustrated. The doc checked the man's blood pressure and other vitals,
then after a thorough examination said he wanted to check with the
wife.

He took her to another cubicle and asked her to disrobe. Then he told
her to turn all the way around slowly. She did as instructed. He then
told her to raise her arms above her head, then bend over, touch her
toes and cough. Finally he said, "Ok, good. You can get dressed now,
and I will talk to your husband."

The doctor went back to the other cubicle and said to the husband,
"Well, you can relax, there is nothing wrong with you. I couldn't get
an erection either."

:jester