Should I even consider getting married?

[NCC-1701]

Originally Posted by Kerrmudgeon

You don't buy a car without a test drive do you? Live with the woman for at least a year to find out if you're compatible and the initial infatuation has dissipated.

I came close once but the lying whore showed her true colors....not bitter at all....

Yep and your choice of words are perfect...

[Cybercowboy]

I'm glad I got married but we did it when we were fairly young and both equally poor as hell. But we had newly minted college STEM degrees. I think getting married later when one person has some decent net worth and the other is bringing literally negative to the table is, how I should say, something to be very careful with.

[NCC-1701]

Behind the barn vid I posted...

[Giraffe (He/Him)]

Originally Posted by ConstantChange

After reading another thread, I see several people here have been through a divorce, so I feel I'm asking an experienced group...

Why should I ever consider getting married? It's not all bad

Take religion out of the picture. I totally understand when people get married for religious beliefs. If that's your reason...I get it.

What are the non-religious reasons?

I've been with a girl for about 15 months now. We don't talk about getting married, but everyone else asks about if we're getting married. Tell them to shut the fuck up and mind their own business.

I'm 38, never been married, no kids, with a net worth around $500,000.

She's 34, divorced, no kids with a net worth of around negative $70,000.

I honestly can't think of one reason to get married. Besides fitting social norms, which I couldn't care less about, what am I missing? Kankles and a huge ass. Other than that? Not a lot.

Seriously, if you marry the right person it's great. Marry the RONG one? Your life and bottom line will suffer. I waited 17 years between #1 and #2.

[DAB]

i didn't get married until i was 39. she's even more frugal than i am. woot. now we are both retired, bills all paid, little extra for fun things, and best of all: she's my best friend.

don't marry someone you can live with, marry someone you can't live without.

also nice that she literally saved my life 5 years ago. she didn't want her $55 investment (cost of marriage license) to go away that quick.

from what you describe, she's not wise with money. keep looking. or she'll be unwise with yours too. then neither of you will have any spare change for a burger on tuesday.

[Der Flieger]

Run, Forrest, Run!

[ConstantChange]

Originally Posted by Millenium Vette

What did she do to get to -$70,000?

I'm told about $60,000 of that is student debt. She got a masters degree in a field that doesn't really pay well. (She works with special needs kids).

The other $10,000 is from her previous divorce.

[ConstantChange]

Originally Posted by Will

BE CAREFUL about your state's laws and case history re: common law marriage!!!

Also, protect your property rights. If you ever want her to move in with you, insist on a rental agreement. Even if it's for $1. Make it a month-to-month agreement that either party can terminate with 30 days notice and make sure it complies with all state and local laws governing rental agreements.

Otherwise, even if she can't prove a common law marriage, she might be able to stick around for a long time in your home after you let her move in if things go south. NEVER LET HER PAY 1 SINGLE CENT of mortgage payments, utility bills, repair bills, ANYTHING associated with the home. Give her NO claim of any kind to the property. ALL costs/bills associated with your home must be paid BY YOU out of YOUR ACCOUNTS.

This is really important to me as I'm in the process of looking for a new house and she plans to move in. She's also telling people "we're" looking for a new house and says things like "our" house when talking to people. I'm thinking "WTF? What's this 'we' shit?"

I've read a little about cohabitation agreements, but maybe a rental agreement is better???

We've also talked about her paying half the rent and utilities once she can. At first, she could only afford to pay $850/month. Now I'm wondering if that's a good idea. I don't want her to have any claim/rights to the house if things end, but I also don't want to pay for someone else to live rent free in my house.

[OddBall]

Generally, most women are in a relationship to get married. It's their nature.
If she's in it to be married, and you have no intention of getting married, then you need to let her know. And like Will said, whatever the case, cover your assets.

[DAB]

there is no "we" until you both say "i do".

you are playing with fire.

[99 pewtercoupe]

Originally Posted by DAB

there is no "we" until you both say "i do".

you are playing with fire.

Be very very careful if you choose to proceed

[MrPeabody]

Originally Posted by 99 pewtercoupe

Be very very careful if you choose to proceed

It's easy to get married, but it's damn hard to get unmarried.

[DAB]

long, long ago, i worked in a small, sleepy southern town for a few months, at the local power plant (nuclear), and most folks lived in this little town. it featured a Piggly Wiggly for groceries. after a few trips to get munchies, the locals would figure out that you were one of those "rich" power plant engineers. one of my co-workers, older man, related that as he was checking out of PW one day, the clerk, a young gal, chatted him up. he asked her what a nice gal was doing in a small place like that? "waiting for someone like you to take me out of here".

to some, you are just a ticket to somewhere else.