Should I even consider getting married?

[ConstantChange]

After reading another thread, I see several people here have been through a divorce, so I feel I'm asking an experienced group...

Why should I ever consider getting married?

Take religion out of the picture. I totally understand when people get married for religious beliefs. If that's your reason...I get it.

What are the non-religious reasons?

I've been with a girl for about 15 months now. We don't talk about getting married, but everyone else asks about if we're getting married.

I'm 38, never been married, no kids, with a net worth around $500,000.

She's 34, divorced, no kids with a net worth of around negative $70,000.

I honestly can't think of one reason to get married. Besides fitting social norms, which I couldn't care less about, what am I missing?

[Sea Six]

I never did.

My life seems to be much better off, from the looks of my friends and other folks who got married around me.

If you're a man living in the United States, the odds are stacked heavily against you if you get divorced. Watch a Netflix show called Divorce, Inc. You'll see what I mean

Honestly, I never met a woman who was remotely worth the risk.

[Milton Fox]

No opinions shall be rendered without pics....

...you should know the rules already!

[69camfrk]

Don't do it...If she is already in the hole that bad, it will only get worse....

[Hoog]

From the limited info you provided, I'd avoid the conversation let alone actually getting married. If she starts pushing for it, end the relationship.

...and tell "everyone else" to STFU.

I've seen this movie before...it doesn't end well for the guy.

[99 pewtercoupe]

As someone that has been married for 40 years (to the same woman) there are a lot of good things about being married but based on the very limited info you have provided, I would not recommend it in your case.

[lspencer534]

I'm neither going to encourage nor discourage you to get married; you asked for reasons, so here they are:

Tax benefits

1. Unlimited marital tax deduction is the biggest tax benefit a married couple can receive. You can transfer an unlimited amount of assets to your spouse at any time, free from tax. That also includes leaving assets in your estate to your spouse without estate or gift tax subjection.

2. If one spouse stays at home and the other has a high-paying job -- or just a job -- it benefits to file your tax return jointly. If you file taxes separately, you could potentially miss out on those benefits, such as getting to deduct two exemption amounts from your income and qualifying for various tax credits.

3. If either you or your spouse don't qualify for your own Social Security benefits, you can receive the other spouse's benefits. If your marriage ends but lasted at least 10 years, you may still be able to receive Social Security benefits on your former spouse's record. Aside from that, you'd also have entitlement to spousal support.

4. An Individual Retirement Account can be used a few ways in the course of a marriage, including rolling over a deceased spouse's IRA to your own, or you can contribute to a spousal IRA, which is an account that lets an employed spouse contribute to an unemployed spouse's retirement account.

Emotional benefits

1. Research consistently shows that couples in a committed marriage even live longer than those who are single, cohabiting or divorced.

2. A healthy, functioning marriage can provide stress and anxiety relief in many different forms: encouraging each other to strive for healthier goals (think: quitting binge drinking, eating healthier, going after that dream job), complimenting each other's positive qualities and celebrating each other's successes.

3. Another major mood booster is the more frequent exposure and release of serotonin and testosterone that married couples can experience. (Serotonin is a neurotransmitter created by the human body that's known to maintain mood balance and decrease depression, anxiety and anger.)

Health advantages

1. As compared with those who are single, those who are married tend to:

live longer
have fewer strokes and heart attacks
have a lower chance of becoming depressed
be less likely to have advanced cancer at the time of diagnosis and more likely to survive cancer for a longer period of time
survive a major operation more often.

2. Your behavior improves with marriage. Married people may take fewer risks, eat better, and maintain healthier lifestyles, on average, compared with single people.

To decide not to get married because you fear that divorce will wipe you out financially is a bogus reason: Just have a Prenuptial Agreement. And you will not get any of the above advantages in a deeply committed cohabitation arrangement; that's not what the law says, and it's not what research shows.

Finally, with a long term, deeply committed cohabitation arrangement, you may be worse off financially if you two decide to split if you live in a State that allows Palimony.

[bsmith]

I've been married just over ten years and have no regrets...

It's not romantic, but to me a marriage is, at it's core, a business partnership.

You scenario does not sound like a sound business decision.

[Kerrmudgeon]

You don't buy a car without a test drive do you? Live with the woman for at least a year to find out if you're compatible and the initial infatuation has dissipated.

I came close once but the lying whore showed her true colors....not bitter at all....

[Aerovette]

I did it. I'm within hours of divorce.

I don't regret getting married, but I wouldn't do it again.

I obviously chose poorly.

[09CTSV]

Been married 25 years. I'm happy we got married. I don't think I'd be in the same shape today if I had not gotten married.
We lived together for over a year before we tied the knot. I deployed for 6 months about 30 days after we were married.

[Thunder22]

The only reason I haven't gotten married yet, and I'm well over 40, is because I don't think I would be good at it.

I get bored easily and get interested in a lot of different things (and no i'm not talking about cheating or the latest hot girl i saw), and I just haven't found someone who is of the same mindset, which is probably impossible because, if they're like me, their interests change frequently. So unless the stars align and we're interested in teh same thing(s) at the same time, we're 2 ships passing in the night.

I'm also probably at the age where having kids isn't a good idea, unless I want to be rolled down the aisle at my daughters wedding (if i had a daughter).

[m and t's77]

For me the second time around is way better then the first.Did the whole wait game thought I knew her and such on the first trip down the aisle,nope got the big D by year six.
Second time met her in March by December she was pregnant and haven't looked back since.We did get married once things calmed down and had a house and got established...ya things happened quick but knew she was the one after our first date.

[Stevedore]

Originally Posted by 69camfrk

Don't do it...If she is already in the hole that bad, it will only get worse....

I have an acquaintance who married a woman who had already declared bankruptcy once in the past, and brought a load of new debt into the marriage. Her evidently bad habits dragged them into bankruptcy again, and they lost their house to foreclosure. They're in their 50's now, & living in a REALLY little crap apartment, with no change in sight. She doesn't work, & spends $$ on absolute nonsense. I can only assume that she provides the absolute best head in the history of man.

Speaking for myself, my wife & I have been married for a little over 47 years, and although we have our occasional differences, I'd be lost without her. We've taken care of each other through medical & emotional issues, & that will continue until one of us joins the choir silent. If I were to lose her, remarrying would be out of the question. Our net worth is substantial, & out of repsect to my wife, none of that would go to a new wife or her likely money-grubbing kids!

[Mike Mercury]

I couldn't be happier; 36 years next month...but this is my second attempt.

[Chuck A]

my wife reads my posts, so its a 50/50 shot as to what i think

[Broken Wind]

In the stage of life you are in, you should not even consider marrying someone who doesn’t bring as much to the $$$ table as you. All you will do is watch half your shit go to someone else.

[NCC-1701]

ABSOLUTELY NOT....If you feel like giving up half your sh!t that you worked hard for go for it. Her net worth is negative and yours is positive there is nothing in this for you except for pu$$y. I've never been married or have kids but I've had several long relationships and I can tell you stay single avoid their sh!t tests their narcissism their feminist views and telling you what to do and how to act. Pump and dump..hit and run..whatever but do not get married and especially spawn off an offspring. Every guy friend that I've had that is married or divorced tell me how lucky I am. Go to you tube and watch MGTOW is freedom videos or Paul Elam an ear for men you will change your mind.

You could hit the lottery and find a unicorn but very unlikely.

[Millenium Vette]

Originally Posted by ConstantChange

I'm 38, never been married, no kids, with a net worth around $500,000.

She's 34, divorced, no kids with a net worth of around negative $70,000.

I honestly can't think of one reason to get married. Besides fitting social norms, which I couldn't care less about, what am I missing?

Would you take $70,000 and flush it down the toilet? That is what you would be doing the moment you got married. Then you can take that $430,000 and divide it by half. Or more.....

She will consider what you have as "ours". Then she will drag you down to her level financially.

What did she do to get to -$70,000?

[Will]

Getting married was the best decision I ever made. But it could be the worst decision you ever make.

Do you want children with this woman? If not, based on the limited info. you have provided, I see NO reason for you to get married. However, BE CAREFUL about your state's laws and case history re: common law marriage!!!

A cursory glance looks like Oklahoma does recognize common law marriages, BUT the standard of proof is steep. Just don't hold yourself out as being married to this woman.

Also, protect your property rights. If you ever want her to move in with you, insist on a rental agreement. Even if it's for $1. Make it a month-to-month agreement that either party can terminate with 30 days notice and make sure it complies with all state and local laws governing rental agreements. Otherwise, even if she can't prove a common law marriage, she might be able to stick around for a long time in your home after you let her move in if things go south. NEVER LET HER PAY 1 SINGLE CENT of mortgage payments, utility bills, repair bills, ANYTHING associated with the home. Give her NO claim of any kind to the property. ALL costs/bills associated with your home must be paid BY YOU out of YOUR ACCOUNTS.

KEEP ALL ASSETS QUARANTINED. You want to let her spend some of your money? GIVE HER CASH. Or make the purchase YOURSELF. DO NOT add her to any of your CC or bank accounts, retirement accounts, etc. Do not co-sign anything for her. She needs a new car and you want to help? YOU BUY a new car OWNED BY YOU. YOU pay ALL costs associated with it. Just like your home. You let her use YOUR car and if things go south you keep YOUR car paid for by you and maintained by YOU (oil changes, service visits, etc.).

Just because you don't get married doesn't mean you can't get ****ed.