Poking fun at the Irish..........

[Kerrmudgeon]

Paddy's Birthday......

Paddy had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition.

It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday. On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink.

So when Paddy's, 18th birthday came 'round, he and his pal Mick, took a boat out to the middle of the lake, Paddy, stepped out of the boat and nearly drowned! Mick just barely managed to pull him to safety.

Furious and confused, Paddy, went to see his grandmother.

'Grandma,' he asked, "Tis me 18th birthday, so why can't I walk 'cross the lake like me father, his father, and his father before him?"

Granny looked deeply into Paddy's troubled brown eyes and said, "Because ye father, ye grandfather and ye great-grandfather were all born in December, when the lake is frozen, and ye were born in August, ya fookin idiot!"


___________________________________________

[99 pewtercoupe]

[Sea Six]

Eh.

[BADRACR1]

[78SA]

[Blademaker]

ha.

[HeatherO]

[BADRACR1]

[Kerrmudgeon]

Originally Posted by Sea Six

Eh.

More.....NO SENSE OF HUMOR posts, sheesh, why do you read them?

[Vet4jdc]

[Kerrmudgeon]

A couple more.......

Mrs. Pete Monaghan came into the newsroom to pay for her husband`s obituary. She was told by the kindly newsman that it was a dollar a word and he remembered Pete and wasn't it too bad about him passing away. She thanked him for his kind words and bemoaned the fact that she only had two dollars. But she wrote out the obituary, "Pete died." The newsman said he thought old Pete deserved more and he'd give her three more words at no charge. Mrs. Pete Monaghan thanked him and rewrote the obituary:
"Pete died. Boat for sale"


___________________________________


Kathleen Murphy was standing vigil over her husband`s death bed. As she held his hand, her warm tears ran silently down her face, splashed onto his face, and roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly. "My darling Kathleen, " he whispered. "Hush, my love," she said. "Go back to sleep. Shhh, don`t talk." But he was insistent. "Kathleen," he said in his tired voice. "I have to talk. I have something I must confess to you." "There`s nothing to confess," replied the weeping Kathleen. "It`s all right. Everything`s all right, go to sleep now." "No, no. I must die in peace, Kathleen. I slept with your sister, your best friend, and your mother." Kathleen mustered a pained smile and stroked his hand. "Hush now Patrick, don`t torment yourself. I know all about it," she said. "Why do you think I poisoned you?"


____________________________________


It seems that Pat, who was 88 had been feelin` poorly for the past few months. One day his son Seamus convinced him to go see the doctor. After a complete exam, the doctor brought Pat and Seamus into his office. "I`ve got bad news for Pat, your heart`s near given out and you`ve only two months to live." Pat was stunned but after a few minutes he turns to his son and says,"I`ve had a good long life and if the Lord wants me then I`ve no complaints." "Let`s be off to the Pub where I`m after havin` a pint with me friends." Arriving at the pub a few of his cronies spy Pat "Ah Patty how are you feelin` today", says one. "Not good Mike, I`ve been to the doctors and he says I`ve two months to live." "What a shame," says Mike, "and what`s ailin ya"? "The doctor says I have the aids." After a few moments Seamus gets his irish father alone and says, "Da, it`s not aids that ya have, it`s a heart condition." "Sure don`t I know that, I just don`t want them old buggers trying to sleep with your Ma when I`m gone."

______________________________________

[Blademaker]

Originally Posted by Kerrmudgeon

A couple more.......

Mrs. Pete Monaghan came into the newsroom to pay for her husband`s obituary. She was told by the kindly newsman that it was a dollar a word and he remembered Pete and wasn't it too bad about him passing away. She thanked him for his kind words and bemoaned the fact that she only had two dollars. But she wrote out the obituary, "Pete died." The newsman said he thought old Pete deserved more and he'd give her three more words at no charge. Mrs. Pete Monaghan thanked him and rewrote the obituary:
"Pete died. Boat for sale"


___________________________________


Kathleen Murphy was standing vigil over her husband`s death bed. As she held his hand, her warm tears ran silently down her face, splashed onto his face, and roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly. "My darling Kathleen, " he whispered. "Hush, my love," she said. "Go back to sleep. Shhh, don`t talk." But he was insistent. "Kathleen," he said in his tired voice. "I have to talk. I have something I must confess to you." "There`s nothing to confess," replied the weeping Kathleen. "It`s all right. Everything`s all right, go to sleep now." "No, no. I must die in peace, Kathleen. I slept with your sister, your best friend, and your mother." Kathleen mustered a pained smile and stroked his hand. "Hush now Patrick, don`t torment yourself. I know all about it," she said. "Why do you think I poisoned you?"


____________________________________


It seems that Pat, who was 88 had been feelin` poorly for the past few months. One day his son Seamus convinced him to go see the doctor. After a complete exam, the doctor brought Pat and Seamus into his office. "I`ve got bad news for Pat, your heart`s near given out and you`ve only two months to live." Pat was stunned but after a few minutes he turns to his son and says,"I`ve had a good long life and if the Lord wants me then I`ve no complaints." "Let`s be off to the Pub where I`m after havin` a pint with me friends." Arriving at the pub a few of his cronies spy Pat "Ah Patty how are you feelin` today", says one. "Not good Mike, I`ve been to the doctors and he says I`ve two months to live." "What a shame," says Mike, "and what`s ailin ya"? "The doctor says I have the aids." After a few moments Seamus gets his irish father alone and says, "Da, it`s not aids that ya have, it`s a heart condition." "Sure don`t I know that, I just don`t want them old buggers trying to sleep with your Ma when I`m gone."

______________________________________

Better

[Datawiz]