That Moment You Discover it was a Bad Idea to Piss Off the IT Department

[Bill]

https://southwoke.com/

Southwest Airlines employees troll Southwest Airlines for wokeness. Hysterical site, worth a look.

DALLAS – As part of our restructuring plan to bring San Francisco values to Texas, Southwoke Airlines is pleased to announce that Sam Brinton has been hired to serve as our new baggage czar effective immediately.

Known affectionately by law enforcement, TSA, and baggage handlers as “The Snatcher,” Brinton comes to Southwoke with an impressive resume that includes several successful baggage heists at some of the busiest airports in the U.S. A former nuclear energy official in the Biden Administration and LGBTQ+ puppy play kink fetishist, Brinton was selected for their unique skillset, which Southwoke believes will revolutionize the Dallas-based airlines’ baggage handling capabilities.

According to a statement released by Southwoke CEO, Bob Jordan, the decision to hire The Snatcher was made after an exhaustive search for a candidate who could help the airline tackle its ongoing baggage handling challenges.

“We are thrilled to welcome The Snatcher to our team,” said Jordan. “His expertise in luggage acquisition and distribution is unmatched, and we believe he has what it takes to lead our baggage handling operations to new heights as we work to bring more of San Francisco’s baggage to the Lone Star State.”

When reached for comment, The Snatcher expressed their excitement about their new role, saying that they were looking forward to “putting my skills to use bring more of San Francisco’s baggage to Texas.”

“I’ve spent my whole life carrying a lot of baggage, so it’s nice to finally have a job where I get to use my skillset to bring my baggage and the baggage of countless others from left coast cities like San Francisco, Los Angeles, and Portland to the great state of Texas.”

Despite concerns from some passengers and airport authorities, Southwoke insists that The Snatcher will be subject to strict background checks and supervision to ensure that they don’t revert to their old ways.

“We understand that there may be some skepticism about this decision, but we want to assure our customers that their luggage is in good hands,” Jordan added.

As for what The Snatcher has in store for the future of Southwoke baggage handling, they remained tight-lipped, saying only that passengers should “expect the unexpected” when it comes to their luggage.

One thing is for sure – with The Snatcher at the helm, our baggage handling is set to be a wild and exciting ride for our loyal customers.

[Louie Detroit]

hehe

[Bill]

A message from our CEO
Bob Jordan, He/Him/Two Spirit

Bob Jordan, CEO Southwoke Airlines He/Him/Two Spirit
Here at Southwoke, we’re fully committed to DEI, ESG, LGTBQ+, BLM, BIPOC, Allyship, #MeToo and every other trendy woke acronym or hashtag you can think of. In fact, we’re so committed that we want to import those same values from other woke meccas like San Francisco and Portland to right here, deep in the heart of Texas – the stolen lands of the Caddo, Wichita, and Comanche people.

The New York Times said it best: Even though Southwoke is headquartered here in Texas, we have become California’s “unofficial airline.” In fact, our airline is so popular with California’s woke political class that state legislators are totally dependent on Southwoke functioning. We have our north star, Gavin Newsom, the great governor of California to thank for that.

And now, we promise to bring those woke values to all Texans! So, here is our commitment to Texas:

We promise to accommodate work-shift changes for all Southwoke employees anytime they wish to participate in leftist political activism such as the Women’s March on Washington or Planned Parenthood events.

We promise to invest where it matters most: In DEI, ESG, BLM, LGBTQ+ initiatives… and to do so even when it hurts. That may mean we have to delay investments in things like flight scheduling hardware upgrades, but we believe signaling our woke virtues is that important.

We promise to do this, even if it risks the cancellation of tens of thousands of flights over important holidays such as Christmas or New Year’s. Southwoke believes all Americans have to make sacrifices to protect woke values, and sometimes that includes our customers.

We believe it’s not the most qualified employee that counts, it’s the most historically marginalized. That’s why we have promised to lower our standards in the way we hire, train, discipline, and promote workers in order to benefit those employees that best represent, not the most qualified, but instead the incredible diversity rainbow.

We recognize that implementing these changes won’t be easy. From time to time, it may leave our passengers stranded and vomiting for hours. It may lead to multiple flight cancellations, re-routings, and lost bags. And occasionally it may even lead to the cancellation of thousands of flights over the holidays, leaving our customers stranded without their luggage for days on end.

But to our customers and shareholders just know that we are making these changes because we care. We care about the importance of signaling our virtues. We care about giving the appearance of standing with the marginalized communities and the discriminated. And we care enough to bring our woke culture and woke values to all Texans. Won’t you join us?

Bob Jordan
CEO Southwoke Airlines
He/Him/Two Spirit

DALLAS – Southwoke Airlines is proud to announce that the recent spate of canceled flights over the Christmas and New Year holidays due to our antiquated reservations systems were actually a huge win for diversity, equity, and inclusion at our company.

As you may know, Southwoke has been working hard to promote diversity and inclusivity in our workplace, and one way we’re doing that is by canceling thousands of flights. By doing so, we’re ensuring that our pilots and flight attendants get to spend more time in diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) training sessions, regardless of their race, gender, or orientation.

“Canceling flights is one of the most inclusive things we can do as a company,” said Southwoke CEO Gary Kelly. “We want our employees to know that we value the time they spend in company sponsored struggle sessions, no matter who they are.”

While some might see canceled flights as a negative thing, we see them as a positive step toward a more diverse and equitable workplace. And we’re not alone – many of our customers have praised us for our commitment to diversity and inclusivity.

“I was a little disappointed when my flight got canceled, but then I thought about all the good things it could mean for Southwoke as a company,” said one customer. “We all know that being on time is being complicit in white supremacy culture. Cancelling thousands of flights altogether is the ultimate pushback against our European oppressors.”

Of course, we understand that canceled flights can be inconvenient for our customers, and we apologize for any frustration or inconvenience they may have experienced. But we hope that they can see the bigger picture and appreciate that any urgency in replacing our outdated computer reservations system smacks of the Protestant work ethic and is based on the oppressive nature of Northern European immigrants’, something we refuse to tolerate.

So the next time your flight gets canceled due to our Apollo era computer reservation systems, don’t be upset – be proud that you’re flying with an airline that values diversity, equity, and inclusion above all else.

For more information, please visit our website, where we’ll be posting inspiring stories from our employees and customers about how canceled flights have changed their lives for the better and made them more inclusive and tolerant.

...

[Steve_R]

[DJ_Critterus]

Funny

[ricks327]

[Aerovette]

That dude needs a hard kick to his imaginary box.

[ricks327]

What is amazing is, how hard does the Brandon administration work to find these weirdo's like Sam Brinton to work for the government? Isn't there a vetting process in place?

[86RAG]

Originally Posted by ricks327

What is amazing is, how hard does the Brandon administration work to find these weirdo's like Sam Brinton to work for the government? Isn't there a vetting process in place?

Yes there is, and they all passed the Brandon vetting process with flying colors!

[PLRX]

Originally Posted by aerovette

That dude needs a hard kick to his imaginary box.

Hello..whats the date today?

[Tikiman]

Originally Posted by ricks327

What is amazing is, how hard does the Brandon administration work to find these weirdo's like Sam Brinton to work for the government? Isn't there a vetting process in place?

Pretty sure all Pedo Joe does is give them the sniff test.