Quote:
Originally Posted by aerovette
This is all great advice and intellectually sound. I intellectually know it to be true, as is everything else posted. Where the brain becomes scrambled eggs is the emotions interfering with the logic. I don't WANT a divorce. If I did, this would be a cake walk. I still love her in my soul. Yeah, I know, it sounds like a chick writing a Dear Abbey letter. LOL.
I think about vacations, movies, a funny story, a piece of trivia, a dinner idea, furniture I like, whatever, and I want to share it with the person that has been my partner for 21 years and they are GONE. It is an empty, lonely feeling and it is taking control of me and I seem to be unable to fight back. To me it is WORSE than if she died because death isn't a choice. This person CHOSE to not be with me anymore. That's tough.
Anything and everything I do is just a shiny paint job on a turd. It all looks happy and smiley on the outside, but inside is a mental and emotional hurricane. It's like 6 bar bouncers kicking my heart's ass.
I appreciate the advice and words of encouragement. I'll refer to them as this moves forward.
When all is said and done and the emotions are removed, it will ultimately be a financial/business transaction and we already don't agree on things. Bumpy roads ahead.
|
Trust me, it ain't worse than them dying. In fact, it's nowhere near as bad as them dying. But you have to experience that to know that. Just thank God that you haven't. Yeah, her choosing to end it is tough, but she also chose to be with you 21 years, so that counts for something. People change over time and a lot of times they grow apart. That doesn't make you a bad person, or her for that matter; just different than who the two of you used to be. I can't sit here and say who's at fault; it could be you, it could be her, it could be both or neither of you. You can drive yourself crazy worrying about it, and all the worrying will still accomplish nothing. Accept that it's over, do some self reflection, and get out there and do some dating. At least some social mingling. Don't rush, it takes time to put a shattered heart back together, but you can mitigate a lot of the pain by moving forward with your life. You may have to push yourself at first, but the more you do then the quicker you can move on and stop hurting. Just remember: "This too shall pass".
Best wishes
