[Rodnok1]

Originally Posted by SnikPlosskin

Ok, that cooler thing was a lie. What really happened is I got a call from the Governor. He said “I know you are retired but Texas needs you.” I played hard to get but eventually gave in. My mission is to rescue a super hot female diplomat with ample bewbs being held by a terrorist group deep in South Austin.

I’m going under cover and needed a cover story. I’m a pro boxer named a Rocky II and I am down with communism. I was in a bar fight with six dudes and a tranny because the Penguin was shooting his mouth off and insulted some dame.

To look the part I grabbed the handset of a 70’s era phone and hit myself as hard as I can in the face. I was aiming for my nose but hit my eye. The second time I hit my own ear. I also accidentally burned both arms and my back with cigars.

For the record my wife loves me and would never hook a car battery up to my nads.

please help me

You had me until cigars...