[Aflac]

After my trip, I sat down and wrote out some things I learned...

Things I learned on my cruise

1. A liver is probably more durable than a manhole cover. You simply cannot kill it!
2. If someone tells you it’s’ chicken, odds are it’s not. It’s likely iguana. Not too bad if you don’t know what it is in the first place.
3. There are a lot of people that think size 3 clothes will fit a size 30 person. The “0” must be printed on that size “3” tag in ink only visible to the wearer. Unfortunately, the rest of us can’t hallucinate enough to make believe that you fit in it.
4. Jimmy Buffett , Roger Creager and a host of other musicians are definitely right about the sea being therapeutic.
5. Belize has really good beer! Look up Belekin beer.
6. Some people can eat their body weight in one setting, burp and go back at it without even as much as standing up.
7. Our sense of poverty in the US is nowhere near other countries definition of poverty. The next time a kid bitches or complains that their IPod is not working or their TV show isn’t on, I’m gonna trade them in for a kid from a third world country
8. Seeing some dear friends that happen to be guys shirtless more than one time in a day is not a good thing!
9. Ingesting enough saltwater to increase your blood pressure 5 fold does wonders for your sinuses!
10. Watching a tidal pool flow in and out is among the most relaxing things in the world
11. Sitting down on a cruise ship toilet and flushing is not a wise move.
12. You can drink numerous drinks in a day out of the same glass and smelling it the next day is like it all coming back to you
13. Getting a massage that looks like a beat down by 2 women that speak little if any English on a beach in Honduras won’t make the police flinch, but you will be able to pour yourself in a jar after wards.
14. Exotic beer just tastes better on an exotic beach… don’t ask why, it’s just how it is.
15. Riding on the bus with the band on the way to the cruise is the best way to roll, just don’t tell your liver. It will always say otherwise…
16. If you don’t know how to operate a small senior citizen scooter without hitting everything in creation, odds are your car has no mirrors or straight fenders.
17. It’s a disheartening feeling looking down off a cruise ship balcony after a night when you get pitched out of bed by the sea only to see the crew checking the life boats the morning after.
18. Axe body spray can hide multiple gastric holocausts.
19. If your English is only marginally better than your grasp of Spanish, don’t talk to the locals. They may be the village idiot, but they will still point and laugh at you.
20. In the pitch black light conditions of a cave, even a lumpy stick will look like an alligator or caiman and will make you motorboat your swim trunks.

21. Little kids on a cruise make for headaches and sore midsections. I got knocked over by some less than polite little kids running into elevators.
22. Seeing the sunrise on the ocean with coffee in hand just makes life better
23. If you’re a lady and you can tuck your front into your shoes, that top at AE is not for you.
24. Yes, European men wear speedos. If you’re a guy that is harrier than Chewbacca and spend more time on the couch than at the gym, that is not something you should torture the public by wearing in public.
25. When being in a foreign country, make sure your taxi driver knows more English than “ok!” If not, the trip in the car with you 90+ year old Grandparent that is blind and has to look through the steering wheel to see past the hood will seem like a Sunday stroll…