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Old 08-12-2019, 01:05pm   #15
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Originally Posted by lspencer534 View Post
A few months ago he sent me a bottle of Ginebra S. Miguel gin from the Philippines. Small bottle, maybe 6 ounces. Last night I wanted a gin and tonic but remembered that I was out...then I thought of Dixievet!

I got the bottle out and was puzzled about how to open it: Careful inspection revealed that if was a pop-top cap. "Odd," I thought. "Never seen a botlte of liquor or even wine open like, but not liquor or wine." The only thing noteworthy on the label was a picture of an upside-down cow on fire.

I located a bottle opener, and sure enough that opened it. I sampled its aroma: None, other than a faint smell of lye...or maybe acid...." I mixed a drink and sampled it.

The first thing I noticed was my pecker trying to climb up the front side of my body. Science says you cannot crap, pee, and vomit at the same time. I beg to differ. Not only did I do all three at once, but my bowels emptied 3 different times in less than half of a second. It was a Matrix kind of bowel movement, where time is creeping along and you’re all leaned back and BAM BAM BAM you just crap your pants 3 times. It seemed like there were minutes in between but in reality it was so close together it was like exhaust pulses from a big block Chevy turning 8 grand.

I woke up laying on the floor hours later. I realized a few things:

1. Three of my teeth seem to have melted.

2 – I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right butt cheek (not the left, just the right).

3 – Poop, pee, and vomit when all mixed together, do not smell as bad as you might think.

4 – My left eye will not open.

5 – My right eye will not close.

6. – My nuts are still smaller than average yet they are almost a foot long.

7 – I can turn on the TV in the game room by farting while thinking of the number 4 (still don’t understand this???).

The good news, is that if a burglar does try to come into my house , I can clearly visualize what my security system will do to him, and THAT gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling all over, which also reminds me to not drink Filipino gin again.

Oh,,,Rob, I don't like Rhum....
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