[Bill]

I wasn't going to say anything here, but what the Hell. I lost my Mom a couple of months ago. I had been taking care of her in my home for almost 5 years straight, first to recover from heart surgery, then when she developed dementia. It was this year when she really dropped off and got bad, so I've done plenty of bathing, diaper changes, and all the other fun stuff. It's exhausting, it's grinding, and I wouldn't have had it any other way. No ****ing way was my mother going into a home. I had a good friend help me with her during the day, a few hours in mid day for most of the time was sufficient, but when she really got bad, she needed more hands on care. Thankfully I'm self employed because I spent a lot of days not working, taking care of her....if it was a bad day, I never left.

Gene, I realize that 1) this is an in law for you, and that 2) y'all have already done some very hard work with your wife's mom, but shoving this aunt in a nursing home, especially now with the covid lockdowns, it will feel like prison for her. My Mom was in a rehab unit for a week and a half after being down with an infection. She ****ing cried on the phone, begging me to come get her, it was so awful. She was supposed to spend 14 days there, but I withdrew her AMA after about 7 or 8 days. They're practically kept as prisoners in their rooms and no one can visit, and they can't visit with each other.

I would be looking at how to distribute this load. This is your wife's aunt. Did she have kids? Those kids need to nut up and come up with some kind of schedule, one takes her for a couple months, then the next one, etc.

For me, I'm an only child, so there was no one else to care for my Mom. I will say, I don't know what your wife's aunt's medical situation is, but I had hospice care for my Mom for most of the year. They were great. They sent out a nurse once a week just to kind of keep track of the situation, and then were a great resource when Mom needed something, vs. making an appointment with her doctor. When she could no longer walk and I couldn't bathe her in the tub anymore, they had an aide come out several times a week to give her a sponge bath, wash her hair, etc.

TL;DR:

Get all the aunt's kids involved with this. Everybody needs to take their turn taking care of her, not just drop this on Mrvette and Mrsvette.

Get her on a hospice service if applicable. Medicare picks this up completely.....never got a bill from the hospice service.

If you have a friend/neighbor/someone you trust, make a deal with them to pop in and check on your wife's aunt, so she's not left alone for more than a few hours at a time. If she's still ambulatory, there are lift chairs, you can probably find a used one on Craigslist or other secondary selling sites.

I know exactly what you've gone through, and how overwhelming it must be to be seeing things repeat. This is a burden that needs to be shared if there are other kids/nieces and nephews, etc. Family takes care of family. Good luck, and stay strong.