Turn into the bastard she imagines you are and fight for every little thing. Withdraw 100% of your concessions and tell her lawyer it's time to start over. Crater your credit rating and lose the house if need be, then demand alimony from her and repayment of the money you spent on her loans. If the youngest kid is 17, suffer out the year left until they are an adult and don't worry about custody.
The best defense is always a counter attack. Lawyers are used to getting the upper hand and exploiting it. When you go sideways they start to see the case as a time-wasting losing proposition and often will settle far cheaper than when they think they are in control.
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