View Single Post
Old 06-05-2019, 10:27pm   #38
LilRedCorvette
A Real Barner
Points: 15,011, Level: 84
Activity: 7.1%
 
LilRedCorvette's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northern VA
Posts: 4,253
Thanks: 1,613
Thanked 1,409 Times in 754 Posts
Gameroom Barn Bucks: $3014703
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by aerovette View Post
I have looked at this at least 20 times and I have teared up at least 20 times. It's not worded in a way I would speak, but I'll be damned if it doesn't hit the mark in sentiment.

On a side note, I have a new 7 month old pup and I'm having a helluva a time with guilt and trouble bonding with her because of my two that I lost.

It got to me, too.

Let me preface this post with the sentiment that I am regurgitating/sharing info from the therapist leading our local pet loss support group, as we have a few people also with new pets while dealing with the loss of their previous pets. They are having the same feelings of guilt and trouble bonding that you are, and it's completely normal.

First off, there is no right or wrong way to grieve...as well as no right or wrong way as to when to open your home to a new pet. Some must get a new one right away, some feel they need to wait, and still others never make it to that step at all.

However, if you open your home to a new pet...you still must grieve the loss of the previous one. A new pet cannot, and will not, replace the grieving process; if the person doesn't do the difficult work of grieving (Kathy calls them 'Grief Dodgers'), then a lot of times it can bite you in the ass later and make your grief even worse...and also make bonding with a new pet that much harder.

As you know, a new pet can never 'replace' the old...it's a completely new, and different, relationship that will take time to develop. It's also normal to sometimes 'compare'...but it's important to try to distract from that and just get to know your new pet without any sort of timeline/deadline. Sometimes it takes weeks, months, or even years for this to develop naturally...and it's completely normal.

There is also no timeline on grief...allow yourself the freedom, time, and permission to grieve your loss. You might be fine while occupied by a task or at work, but something will spur a memory and turn you into a big pile of emotions/sadness. Let yourself feel it, talk to others about it. Distraction, then grieving, lather, rinse, repeat...is a normal and healthy way to process it all.

Sorry for the novel...never have been a 'support group/therapy' type of person until now, but the advice absorbed/received has been a godsend for me. Hope it is helpful for others also.
LilRedCorvette is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to LilRedCorvette For This Useful Post: