I’m typing this from sitting on the toilet, peeing. I don’t usually sit. But right now, it hurts so damn bad I thought my knees might buckle. (Does he have VD? Did he hit his schlock with a hammer? Been eating light bulbs again?)
Nope. I had an X-ray today. Of my urerethra. And guess what? They use contrast dye. And guess how they put it in?
First some chick grabs my dick. In a clinical way. Not a good way. Then, she ties a long strip of gauze around the head to pull it straight. (I bet that gauze was big).
Then the fun starts. That lovely tattooed lady took a giant syringe with a plastic nozzle and jammed it up my dick. Then she shot dye under pressure up to my eyeballs.
That fluid apparently is like Draino. It feels like pissing razor blades now. And it lasts an hour after peeing.
This barbary is to measure the damage done by previous nurse Ratchet to prepare to......wait for it....
Have my urethra rebuilt. (Holy shit, now my knees gave out). Luckily not in the masterpiece of manhood itself, but way up in there, under the jewels. Which involves cutting and digging and robots. And some sort of contraption that pulls your balls out of the way up to your chin apparently. I understand it breaks blood vessels and feels like you’ve been kicked in the nads for six months.
But wait, there’s more. I get to have a catheter up my pork implement for thirty days. (That’s it, I’m out of this thread.) I thought I was going to off myself last time and it was only 9 days.
Hopefully by Wed. No more peeing razors. But we are just getting started.
Seriously. I’m terrified. Please say a prayer. It ain’t gonna kill me but it is absolutely brutal. It will take everything I’ve got to get through it.
You heard it here first. (Holy hell, man!)
(When will it happen?) Not sure when. In the next few months. Have to spread out chemo (which means I’ll be out of remission that just took six months to get back) because it delays healing.
If I don’t do it, one night I’ll be posting here and then won’t be able to pee at all. Then, my kidneys back up and fail. Then hospital, more brutality and hopefully I get out alive. Only to be right back to where I started.
No choice. And no lawyers will take it on because of the complexity of my situation.
On the upside, I’ve been made an honorary Marine. My buddy said I’ll have to “Marine up”. I said “I’m not a Marine you twit.” He said, “You are now.”
How was your day?