The challenge here is to find balance between defending/explaining myself, and accusations of being butt-hurt in the process.
Truth or no truth in ICs post, this event in my life has emotionally crippled me. I am devastated. This is not a question of whether I should or shouldn’t be. It is established that I AM. Shouting for me to get over it is the equivalent of shouting at someone in a wheelchair to get up and walk. You don’t have to subscribe to that analogy. It’s not subject to anyone’s approval.
Good for IC that he went to the gym or whatever, and got over it. I didn’t. Any distraction I find such as lawn work, my job, exercise, etc. still has the constant background noise of my failed marriage and the woman I still love very much. I married FOR LIFE. She didn’t. That ****s with my head and I am not going to apologize for it.
Some people lose a spouse in death and the next day, it is as if it never happened. They regroup and move on. Others die within weeks of losing their husband or wife purely from a broken heart and a loss of will to go forward alone. Granted she didn’t die, but that doesn’t offer much consolation. I am thankful to God every day that I am not a suicidal person, or you wouldn’t be reading this right now. To apply another’s method of healing to my ailment, is not necessarily going to work, and certainly not the “in your face” approach. This isn’t ****ing boot camp. It’s life and it happens to have kicked me in the sack at the moment. Maybe I have been fortunate to not have enough hardships in life to condition me for this. I don’t know.
My apologies for the repeated posts about what went down. I have good weeks and I have bad days. On the bad days, I reach out for the support of my friends. Therein lies the rub. I am 100% at fault for my own piss-poor definition of "friends". I misunderstood, and I was very wrong about what this actually is. This is a car forum. Not a buddy's house to hang in. Not a bar to drown my sorrows in. I didn't leave because I was butt-hurt and I can't stress that enough. I left because I was being a pain in the ass and it was pointed out to me. It was embarrassing quite honestly. That is what IC’s post drove home. I needed some support from friends and this isn't the place for that. You are anonymous people on a car forum. I was wrong to treat it any differently. In my defense, the Barn gives is a bit higher level of comfort and ease than the other place and I let that get the better of me. Over there, I am clearer on how the sausage is made. Here, I was mistaken. I place that blame 100% on me.
It’s difficult to plead my case and not be the drama queen. It’s difficult to speak my mind and not come across as butt-hurt. It’s difficult to share an emotion without coming across as a *****. For those reasons, I exited and I’ll remain “exited" for now. I will come back here one day. I have decided that when I am over my divorce and I am back to good. I’ll come back here.
Thank you to all that expressed concern. i'm sure I’ll be fine.
Cheers
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