When I was about 8 my dad and older brother came home from work. Brother walks in the door moaning. With a horror mask on (one of those bald, scarred insane killer ones). I was sitting at the kitchen table...I screamed like a girl and ducked under the table.
Ass.
I won't mention the time he found a dildo at work and ran around with it sticking out of his fly, shaking it at every body.
And I also won't mention it was used and they were industrial painters. They found it in a locker room at an industrial plant. WTF?