I need your wierd, off-the-wall...
 

sayings, expressions, etc. I've collected pages and pages of them over the years, but I was thinking there might be some original ones out there that I don't have. Like these:

Some days it's not even worth chewing through the restraints.

I hated my computer until it went down on me.

Anything that doesn't kill me
had better do enough damage
to stop me from shooting back.

You know "that look" women get when they want sex?
Me neither.

Share 'em with me! It'll make for a good thread, too. :waiting:

crazier than a sprayed roach

or in the vernacular, "crazyern a sprayed roach"

My dad has said on more than one occasion:

"Well, strip my gears and call me shiftless!"

:D

If curiosity killed the cat, then it also freed the mouse...

--G8rDMD

What ever floats your boat

Morgan Earp: I say we just kill 'em all.
Doc Holiday: You know Morg, Wyatt is my friend, but I believe I'm beginning to love you.

Oh god I have sayings for days

It's raining like a cow pissing on a flat rock.

Dumber than a box of rocks.

Dumber than an eight year old [ethnic group of your choice]

I'm so sick I could shit through a screen.

Digging a 'roid, but got a booger.

Up shit creek without a paddle (screwed)

Drag it through the garden (the works on your hotdog/hamburger)

Easy on the eyes (pretty)


Just a few I use regularly. I'll post more as I think of them.

A few quotes from an old friend of mine...

Crazier than a shithouse rat.

How about you jump up on the gooey end of my giggle stick.

Somewhere in a gas station there is a coffee can with your picture on it.

Snot-slingin' drunk...

You are special. The kind of special that has a hockey helmet and a drool cup.

...and hundreds more tha I can't seem to remember at the moment.

He screamed like a broke dick panther...
Happy as a dead pig in the sunshine...
Yeah, and you might shit little green apples in the springtime..
Colder than a well diggers ass in Idaho...
Colder than a witch's tit in a brass brassiere...
Like a cat trying to cover up shit on a tin roof....
Black as old Coalie's ass..... (I think that's racist now...)
That went over like a turd in the punch bowl...
He couldn't pour piss out of boot with instructions written on the heel...
Dumb as a sack of hammers...

More later as I think of them...

holy crapsicle

Well, shit the bed!!
Life is like a shit sandwich, the more bread you have the less shit you have to eat.

When it rains it pours

Ph**k em in the ear, that way they can hear you coming<SP>

Don't look at me I'm just holding the tail, youre the one f*king this horse.

Or a variant of it.

It's a keeper! :rofl:

You are as young as the woman you feel
*Grocho Marx.*

http://www.otrstreet.com/groucho_marx.jpg

What goes around comes around

Scared shitless